Page 84 of My So-Called Perfect Life
“And I can’t believe you two lied to me,” I counter. “Doesn’t hurt, huh? I’m pretty sure the top half of my vagina is still attached to the wax in there!” My voice is louder than I intended, and a mom walking past covers her kid’s ears and gives me a dirty look.
“Seriously, Danielle?” Mercy asks. “I’ve had quite a few of them done, and I’ve never screamed like that or heard anyone scream like that before. Except that guy fromThe 40-Year-Old Virgin.”
“Well, I guess my vagina’s a pussy then because it’s possible it died in there. She’s traumatized. May never work again.”
Amelia snorts. “In that case, at least you won’t have to explain to Ryan tomorrow why you have the worst design in pubic hair history.”
“It’s not that bad. Plus, I’m going to shave it before.” I stick my tongue out at her. “I’m just going to push back dinner. See if we can get a later reservation.”
I pull out my phone and dial the number of the restaurant Ryan wanted to go to.
“Thank you for calling Gregorio’s. This is Michelle. How can I help you?”
“Hello, I have a reservation for tomorrow evening at six. Is there any way I can switch that to later?”
The sound of a page flipping filters through the line. “I’m sorry, ma’am. We’re completely booked for tomorrow. Do you want me to try and reschedule for another day?”
Shit!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
“No, it’s fine. I’ll keep the one we have,” I tell her. “Thank you.”
Amelia and Mercy both stare at me with amusement on their faces.
“Whatcha going to do now?” Mercy asks.
“Shut up,” I snap. “I’ll figure something out.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Danielle
Checking my watch, I seethat Ryan will be here in ten minutes to pick me up for his birthday dinner. His birthday isn’t until Sunday, but in order to pull off my librarian surprise, I needed to do it earlier than Sunday. I wanted a wild night of passion with Ryan where I didn’t have to drag my butt to work the next day. So, I took matters into my own hands and convinced him to have a birthday weekend instead.
“Guys don’t have birthday weekends, Danielle,” he argued at first. “Unless they’re going to Vegas or something.”
I tried my hardest to sway him without ruining the fact that I had a surprise for him. “Says who? This is the last year of your twenties. Let’s do it up right.”
He sighed. “If it means that much to you.”
It kind of does. I’ve never done this before. Sure, I wear sexy lingerie, but I’ve never dressed in any kind of role-playing stuff.
All day, I’ve been working out a way to make this happenandget rid of the rest of the hair on my vagina. Stupid fucking waxing. My skin is still sore.
Checking over my bag again, I go over the plan.
Skirt?Check.
Shirt?Check.
I already have on my racy red bra and panties under my dress.
Hair ties for bun?Check.
Fake glasses, complete with neck string?Check.
Blood-red lipstick?Check.
