Page 105 of My So-Called Perfect Life
“Me dating and sleeping with other people will give you peace of mind?”
He shakes his head. “The last thing I want is you out hooking up with other guys, but if you find yourself in the situation where you want to hook up with guys, then I guess we’ll have our answer on whether this was meant to be for us.”
I’m lost. None of this makes sense.
“So, you want me to go meet other men, date other men, but not sleep with them? This is pointless. Is this all so you can go sleep with other women? Are you projecting something going on with you onto me?”
His eyes darken and his jaw clenches for a moment. I guess he didn’t like that. Too bad. I don’t like any part of this ridiculous plan. “I have no intention of seeing anyone else, Danielle,” he reassures me. “If that were the case, I would tell you. I need to know this will last if I want the future I see with you. I need this break. I need to know that you want a future without any regrets.”
“You’re scared of getting hurt, so you’re pushing me away.”
“I guess you can say that, but, Danielle, I don’t want you to stay away. I want you. I want you to come back to me. Just after you’ve made sure this is where you want to be.”
I don’t say anything. I just sit and think about everything he just dumped into my lap. He’s pushing me away but only because he wants me to come back. I’ve never given him a reason to think I don’t want to be here.
“Let me ask you this,” he interrupts my thoughts. “You’re a planner. Everything in your life is obsessively organized. What’s your plan for us?”
“My plan for us?”
He nods. “Yes, your plan. When you’re thinking about life at this point in time and what’s next with us, what’s your plan?”
I shake my head. “I don’t have one. You’re the one who’s been telling me to stop planning and to enjoy things as they come.”
“That’s my point, Danielle,” he stresses. “If you were ready to be serious with me, you’d have a plan. Yes, I’ve been encouraging you to be spontaneous, but I don’t want you to be someone else. You’re not thinking about me or us long term. You not having any kind of plan for us just confirms that we’re not on the same page. I need us to be on the same page. Please.”
Ryan isn’t one to really ask for anything. Through my confusion and hurt, I feel how badly he needs this. Nothing about what he wants makes any sense to me, but it’s important to him, and he’s important to me even if he doesn’t believe it.
“Okay, Ryan,” I say to appease him even though my heart feels like it’s breaking. “We’ll take a break, and I’ll explore the dating world.”
Chapter Thirty-Five
Danielle
One Week Later
“This is so stupid,” Icomplain for probably the one hundredth time tonight. “I don’t even want to be here.”
All I want to do right now is hang out with Ryan. I hate this stupid break thing he is making us do.
“I still say it’s romantic,” Mercy says again as if this time I’ll agree with her. She thinks this whole thing is a grand gesture of how much he loves me.
Lovemy ass. He kicked me to the curb and told me to go explore the dating world.
“No, it’s not.” She’ll never get me to see her view of this. No matter how hard she tries. “There’s nothing romantic about dragging me to speed dating because the guy I was seeing decided we needed a break so I could be single for a while. I swear ever since the need to settle down bit you in the ass, you think everything is all signs and grand gestures. Life isn’t a movie Mercy.”
She stops just outside the door to the restaurant. “He just wants to make sure you’re happy with him. He’s right. You jumped from one relationship to the next. You should make sure you’re ready to settle down again. What if you wish you’d gone out more six months from now and break up with him?”
I cross my arms over my chest. “How do I know thathewon’t want to break up withmein six months?” I contest. “I don’t but I didn’t push him away.”
“He’s trying to make sure you’re happy.”
Well, news flash. I’m not. “He wants to make sure I’m happy by making me unhappy? That’s backward.”
Mercy gives me a pointed look. “Maybe to you, but not to him. You said he’s important to you, so you’ll do it for him. Now, do it.” She opens the restaurant’s door and waits for me to walk through.
Pushy, pushy.
“Couldn’t we have done something else?” I ask as we enter the dimly lit waiting area. “Anything else, really.”
