Page 113 of My So-Called Perfect Life
“So, you’re just going to wait for someone to come along and steal her.”
Damn, I wish I had alcohol in this bar. “No. I’m waiting for her to make sure she wants me.”
Roxy makes her way over and adds her two cents. “She told you she wants you, dumb ass!”
“It’s not something I can explain to you.” I tell them. “There will be something that comes along and tells me this is meant to be. Then I’ll know for sure.”
Evan places the lease back into the folder and starts gathering his stuff up. “Dude, when did you grow a fucking vagina? If you want the girl, go get her. If not move on.” He holds up the folder in his hand. “I’ve got to get this to the office. I’ll see you later, pussy.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Danielle
One week later
Longestfour weeks of mylife. Honestly, I’m concerned I might be becoming depressed.
I wasn’t even this down in the dumps after Scott. Hell, I stopped thinking about him after that first week. But this last month has felt like I’ve been walking around, merely functioning, with a piece of me missing. I have no desire to go out anymore. It was kind of fun for a bit but now going out just leads to more sadness for me. It reminds me that the one person who I want to be spending time with doesn’t want to spend time with me. Hell, he doesn’t even call me. I was okay with going out and doing things to pass the time and prove him wrong. But it’s been radio silence. I’ve heard nothing from him.
Ryan’s life seems to be moving along just dandy without me. Hell, he’s got so much going on, I doubt he’s even had time to miss me.Danielle who?Meanwhile, I can barely pull my ass out of bed in the morning over here.
I wish Roxy would stop updating their damn social media accounts. Or I could stop stalking them.
The boomerang of him, Evan, and Roxy popping the cork of a bottle of champagne on Instagram with the caption “Another Cohen’s coming to a location near you!” broke me. I wanted to be there with him so badly, but he seemed just fine without me. All smiles.Stomp on my heart why don’t you?Rip it from my chest and crush it with your bare hands because that’s what it feels like is happening.
He signed a lease for the location of his next bar. His favorite baseball team just won the World Series literally minutes ago. It feels like so many good things in his life are unfolding while I’m sitting on the sidelines like the kid no one wanted to pick for their kickball team at recess. My heart always hurts for that kid, and I’ve become them.
I’m on the bench while everyone else is playing in the winning game.
Maybe drinking so many beers wasn’t my best idea. I don’t even really like beer.
But it was all I could think to do to get over the fact that tonight should’ve been a great night between Ryan and me, but noooo, I’m home alone on my couch with my sister, watching the celebration unfold on television.
Call me a masochist, but I couldn’tnotwatch the final game of the World Series today. I knew it came down to this game. All the papers had stuff about game seven of the series plastered all over the front pages. With the Dodgers being in it, I knew how excited Ryan must be for it. My mind keeps wandering back to our first date—the game, the hot dogs, the beer, the foam finger, and that kiss.
God, how did I fall so far in love with someone in such a short time? How did Ryan root himself so deep into my life, I’ve become that pathetic loser pining for someone who hasn’t tried to contact me since he asked for time and space. Not for himself but for me? Damn it still makes no sense. Outside of pictures on the internet, I haven’t seen Ryan since the day in the park. He said he didn’t want to be cut out of my life, but he’s not made a bit of effort to physically be in it.
Why would he say that but then avoid me or not even try to make plans once?
Is he waiting for Christmas or just for me to get bored and sayfuck itand move on?
He should’ve just dumped me then.
Wait a minute …
I turn to my sister, who’s curled up on the other end of the couch, scrolling through her phone. “Do you think this is a test?”
“Is what a test?”
The thought takes off in my mind. “The break thing with Ryan. Is he waiting for me to come back to him, or am I waiting for him to come to me?”
“What the hell are you talking about, Dani?” She glances at the end table littered with beer bottles. “When did you drink so much?”
Amelia hasn’t been paying any attention to me or the game. She is just here so I don’t look like a pathetic loser, pining for a man while I get drunk on a Thursday night.
“What if Ryan is waiting for me to come to him and call this off? What if I’m failing the test? How am I supposed to know? He mentioned something about not knowing how or when to take the next step that day in the park. That I hadn’t brought up becoming more so he just left things alone. What if I’m supposed to make the move to bring us back together?”
She disagrees, “That doesn’t even make sense.”
