Page 9 of The Fantasy League
Desperate to change the subject, I leaned up on my elbows. Onlyone thingcould fix my dreadful mood. “I was thinking…” I trailed off, looking down at the headshots in Mae’s hands, hoping to bring her attention back to her work stress just long enough for her to give in to my request. “Maybe we could have a girls’ night?”
Since Mae and I have always lived together, most nights could technically be considered girls’ night. But we onlyofficiallycalled a girls’ night when the situation was bad enough that major reinforcements were needed. And by major reinforcements, I meant wine.Copious amounts of wine.And the occasional bad decision.
“I’ll call Lea,” Mae concluded. Hopping up from the edge of the couch, she darted into her office without another question. I made no attempt to hide my smirk, knowing that Lea’s skills had begun to rub off on me.
* * *
A bottle of wine later,we had done our standard prank calls to all of the people who had recently wronged us. And sang tone-deaf karaoke renditions so horribly that the neighborhood patrol guard, who came to warn us of a noise complaint, told us it would be better for humanity if we lost our voices.
I would place bets that the complaint came from our eighty-six-year-old hag of a neighbor, Miss Rita.
Assholes. Both of them.
Before we got too plastered, I filled Lea in on the dramatics of my morning encounter with Abel. She told me that he was probably just stressed about some new regulation that had been issued to players and not to take it too personally.
An hour of raunchy girl talk and another bottle of wine down the hatch after that, I found myself sitting on the toilet in Mae’s guest bathroom, eager to break the seal. My head spun in circles incessantly as I tried my best to remain still.
When did I grow two new legs?
Everything immediately began to spin in circles, making it hard to rip the toilet paper off the roll. Jesus, Mae. Didn’t she know that the toilet paper was supposed to hang over the roll, not under it?
In a fit of drunken rage, I ripped the entire roll off the holder in protest as I finished my business.
What I wouldn’t give to throw a roll of toilet paper at Abel Abbott’s perfectly symmetrical head.
All of a sudden, my mouth curved into an unconscious smile as I stared at the roll of toilet paper in my hand. I might not have been able to throw it at his head, but Icouldthrow one at his house.
I was a genius. A complete and utter genius. And I wasn’t just saying that because I was drunk. Okay fine, it was definitely because I was drunk.
Eagerly pulling up my leggings, I dove to open the cabinet underneath the sink and plucked out all of the rolls of toilet paper that I could fit into my arms. Though I hit a bit of an obstacle when I remembered that I needed a free hand to turn the knob in order to get out of the bathroom.
After a few minutes of wrestling with the door handle, I successfully escaped with an overflowing armful of toilet paper. I barged out of the bathroom and into the living area where I found Mae and Lea doubled over on the carpet in hysterics over a video of a dancing squirrel playing on the flat-screen TV.
“Ahem!” I cleared my throat, casually announcing my presence as I moseyed into the living room, making my best attempt to stay upright. The slight wobble in my walk and toilet paper rolls that fell from my arms had been a dead giveaway to my state of being.
Tilting their heads toward me with furrowed eyebrows, Mae and Lea slowly simmered their fit of laughter.
“Toilet paper.” A smile of defiance tugged at my lips while I nodded in the direction of the front door while giving little elaboration on the plan that was brewing in my mind. Even if I wanted to elaborate, I wasn’t sure my words would’ve been coherent anyway, given my current state.
“There’s more upstairs. I’ll grab it,” Mae chimed in, nodding profusely. There wasn’t a second of hesitation before she popped up from the couch and trotted up the stairs. Thank God our telepathy always came in handy when it mattered most.
“I’ve got the pool house!” Lea shouted back to us as she slipped out the back door. I watched through the window as she stumbled across the backyard, nearly falling into the pool, but with arms winding in circles she worked her way upright at the last possible second.
Ten minutes later, our trio convened in the entryway with three bulk-size packs of toilet paper ready for war. We came to a mutual agreement that it would be best to use all available toilet paper due to the gargantuan size of Abel’s house. One measly pack of toilet paper wasnotgoing to cut it for the job we had in mind.
Lea took lead in devising the charade that we had given the name “Operation Toilet Paper Payback.” Was it cheesy? Yes. Were we also drunk as hell and thought it was hilarious? Also, yes.
“What about neighborhood patrol?” I questioned as I pulled my hand away from the handle of the front door. We had already gotten a warning from them earlier after our noise complaint and we would get fined if we got another.
“Lea,” Mae and I both deadpanned in unison after a moment of weighing our thoughts.
If anyone would be able to pull one over on the nightly security guard, it would be Lea Sterling. The girl had the mastermind of a freaking criminal. Honestly, I probably should’ve been more concerned about that than I actually was, but that was a problem for another time.
After regrouping the plan, Lea set out down the street toward the security hut in the tightest little black dress she could find in Mae’s closet. It might have been two sizes too small, but her boobs looked fantastic which was exactly what we needed.
Mae and I watched from behind a trash can as Lea slipped through the door of the security hut and the guard stood to greet her.
Game on, Abbott.
