Page 58 of The Red Zone
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The ride across town was filled with chatter as October and I reminisced on some of the stupid things we used to do as kids. Neither of us could hardly finish a story without the other person piping up with another one.
I brought up the memory of this one time that we argued at a back-to-school bash until we were blue in the face. Our parents were so mad at us, we both got grounded for two weeks. Which was a long time for an eight-year-old. I wasn’t even allowed to see Scarlett outside of school. How cruel was that?
Crazy how much time can change things, huh?
One day you’re a scrawny little third grader with a smart mouth, and the next you’re twenty-five and the crush you abandoned almost two decades ago has suddenly started blooming again. Only this time, you’re not quite sure it’ll go away again.
I peered over at October, noticing his hand resting on the center console, and there was a tiny voice in my head that urged me to reach over and intertwine my fingers with his.
Just go for it.
What’s the worst that could happen?
Do it. Grab his hand.
Just as I was about to go for it, he made a sharp right into the parking lot. I wasn’t sure whether I should be grateful for the universe's intervention or upset at the missed opportunity.
We both quickly hopped out of the car, and weaved our way through the parking lot. I was trailing behind October a little bit as I tried to gather my thoughts, until he paused with his hand outstretched, waiting for me to catch up.
He locked her fingers together, and a swarm of butterflies took flight in my stomach. We walked around the entire facility hand-in-hand as he showed me around the locker room and the area where the post-game press conferences were held that I’d seen on T.V. before. It wasn’t until we walked through the tunnel to the field that we broke apart from each other and I felt an emptiness in the place where his palm had been.
We walked toward the fifty-yard line, and it was impossible not to stare up at all of the seats, imagining each of them being filled with screaming fans, who were there to cheer you on. He took a seat on one side of the white line and I sat on the other, so we were shoulder to shoulder.
“What’s going on with you, Mae? Not that I’m complaining, but something about you seems off lately.” There was a genuine concern in his voice that made my stomach sink.
I could do this. I could tell him the truth. Couldn’t I?
Maybe we were just casual fuck buddies or maybe we were more than that. Somehow, someway it was starting to feel like there was more to this than just sex. Even more than that, I was starting to see October as more of a friend than a long-standing feud partner.
With a sigh, I contemplated telling him the truth, deciding to go for it at the last second. “My business is failing. Well, technically already failed. I’ll probably have to shut it down by the end of the year.”
“That’s why you wanted to…” His words trailed off, alluding to our unlabeled dynamic.
Not daring to look up, I gave him a weak smile and a clipped nod.
Glancing over, I caught a glimpse of his frown. “Does Scar know?”
“Vaguely, but not really.” I dropped my gaze down to look at my feet and clicked my shoes together a few times as I tried to tame the endless stream of thoughts blazed through my brain.
Silence passed between us for a long while, but neither of us seemed to mind.
“Why haven’t you said anything to anyone?” he asked after a beat.
“Because it’s…”
“Embarrassing?” He finished my sentence for me. I kept my head down, feeling the shame and guilt heating my cheeks.
October wrapped a hand around my waist and tugged me into his side, stroking my hair as I rested my head on his chest. Tears welled in my eyes, threatening to break free at any second.
“It just hurts, you know? I worked so hard… so hard.” My voice broke. “Do you know how many sleepless nights I’ve had? How many events I’ve missed over the past two years? All for this to crumble right before my eyes?”
Reaching over, he placed two fingers under my chin and tilted my head up so we were locking eyes. For a long while we stayed like that, saying absolutely nothing. The intimacy of it, though, made it feel as though we were saying everything we’d never said to each other out loud.
One singular tear slipped down my cheek, he broke our silence with a whisper as he wiped it away with his thumb. “You should be proud of yourself. Most people would’ve been too scared to start in the first place.”
I gave him a small nod. Anything more and I would’ve been a blubbering mess for the rest of the afternoon.
