Page 46 of The Physical Attraction Seminar
“Well,” Buster jokes, chuckling, “Unless it’s a dumb one…”
“He’s just kidding.” Charlene rolls her eyes at her husband. “I meant what I said. Now everyone say it with me. Every answer is a…” She extends the microphone toward the crowd.
“Good answer,” everyone says the sentence back to her in unison.
“Fantastic!” Buster exclaims, his hands coming together in a loud clap.
“Alright, let’s get started. First, let me gauge the room by a show of hands to see who here enjoys foreplay. Come on… Don’t be shy. Let me see a show of hands.”
One by one, everyone’s hands in the room began to slowly rise.
“This is mortifying,” Lyla whispers out of the corner of her mouth with her hand raised awkwardly. “I can’t believe you dragged me to this one.”
“It’s not like we could say no. They personally invited us, and it would be rude not to show up.”
I wasn’t an easily embarrassed person, but since we arrived, that statement had been tested more than I’d like to admit. On the other hand, Lyla’s face has flushed with embarrassment more times in the last couple of days than in the entire time that I’ve known her.
“I’m not sure I can make it through this. The second-hand embarrassment is almost unbearable, and we haven’t even started yet.”
I suppress a laugh, unable to deny that she's right.
“Amazing.” Charlene nods, her eyes scanning through the crowd and taking in the sight ofcountless hands raised. “Now, keep your hand raised if you know where the clit is.”
All of the women keep their hands raised, their palms proudly facing the sky. But handfuls of men start to either drop their hands around the room or do some weird, half-raised arm thing.
“Mmhmm. I see.” She carefully surveys the crowd again. “Very well. If you are a straight man with your hand down, I’m going to kindly ask that you head next door to meeting room B33 for the ‘Conquering the Unknown: How to Finally Find the Clit’ session. You’ll be welcome to join us here in the big leagues next year once you’ve got down the basics.”
Lyla wraps her hand around my left bicep and buries her face in my shoulder to stifle her laugh.
With their heads hanging low, nearly a third of the crowd shuffles out of the room.
Lyla is a complete mess of laughter at this point, and I can't resist joining in.
“Very well. Let’s get started.” Charlene casually paces in the small speaking area, her heels clicking against the floor. “The biggest take away I’d like everyone to have after our discussion today is to know that foreplay starts outside of the bedroom.”
“Are you sure?” A gray-haired man with large black glasses in the second row asks. “The last time I tried that in public, I got arrested.”
“Every answer might be a good answer, but there certainly are stupid questions.” Despite whispering under his breath, Buster's microphone manages to capture thesound. Instead of apologizing, he brushes it off with a casual shrug.
I feel Lyla's desperate grip on my shirt, her nails digging into the fabric. When I look down at her, her eyes are sparkling with tears of laughter.
The two of us probably sound like a pair of giggling middle schoolers, unable to contain our laughter. I wish I cared, but the feeling of Lyla willingly wrapping around me in public is too intoxicating for me to resist.
In the office, I’m always on edge, worried that someone will figure out the truth about us. I hate that our interactions have to lack this level of comfort.
Neither of us has brought up the kiss from the other night yet. I want to take this at her pace. She has a lot more to lose in this situation, and I want her to be certain that this is what she wants—thatI’mwhat she wants—before she puts it all on the line.
Prior to the conference, I dedicated all my free time to meticulously scouring through the company policies, hoping to uncover a loophole in the non-disclosure clause. I have yet to find anything that gives even the slightest bit of leeway for me to go to the board with. It feels like hitting a dead end at every turn.
However, I've been reflecting recently, and it seems strange that among the several thousand employees at our company, there doesn't seem to be any romantic relationships. The last HR violation I could uncover dated back almost eight years ago. You’re telling me that in eight years, not asingleperson at Banks Brothers Enterprises has breached this clause? I’mskeptical.
I read a statistic once that nearly twenty percent of couples meet at work. So, either everyone at my company is an upstanding rule follower, or we’ve created an environment where relationships are concealed like forbidden treasures, fearing punishment if uncovered.
I don’t want to foster a working atmosphere where people feel compelled to suppress any part of themself. And I want to do what’s right for my employees.
I know that finding an escape in the policy literature started for my benefit, but it’s become more than that. I just need to find some evidence, any piece of information that can help me challenge the board and expose the stupidity of this policy.
“When we say ‘outside of the bedroom,’ we mean more along the lines of subtle touches throughout the day, complimenting your partner, doing nice things for them, having proper hygiene,” Charlene explains what I thought was glaringly obvious, but apparently wasn’t. “We’ll dive into each topic in depth once we begin our discussion groups, but for now, we’d like to make it known that we here at The Physical Attraction Seminar encourage sexual expression but do not support acts of lewd and lascivious behavior.”
