Page 14 of Risen
I let that sit between us for a moment.Then, quietly, I said, “You’re not angry?”I floundered helplessly.“I… Sadavir just--”
She cut me off, reaching out and snagging my hand to give it a squeeze, her warm, magnetic omega aura reaching for me as well, beckoning me closer.“Angry?”She huffed.“Oh, Dusek, you sweet, stubborn thing—I’m overjoyed.A little surprised, maybe.”She tilted her head.“I thought Cicely would wear you down long before anyone else.”
I was glad for the shadows that hid my blush.Our omega might be visually impaired, but clearly she wasn’tblind.Not that the faun was ever subtle with his overtures.
“I’m happy for you,” she carried on, unaware of my raging discomfort with this discussion.“Both of you.I think Sadavir needs you as much as you need him.He might be good at the calm, stoic alpha facade, but I know deep down he is lonely being the outcast in our court.His alpha side probablyyearnsto build a court of his own, to have people around him who depend on him, the way he was born and raised to.”
It filled me with awe, the way she always seemed to see right to a person’s heart and soul and offer them such complete, unflinching understanding.The shadows swirled around me, unsettled.They reached for her, but I kept drawing them back.
“I love you,” I blurted out, like an idiot.
She was just so… warm, and empathetic, and understanding, and… everything I always wanted and needed in my cold, dark life but was too afraid to reach for.
She gave a sweet, surprised little laugh, and responded automatically, as if it didn’t even warrant a single thought.“I love you too.”
“You shouldn’t be so happy about it,” I growled, a bit louder than I meant to.“You don’t know what I’ve done, the depths of what I am.You think you do.You think you’ve seen horror.But you haven’t seen the magnitude of the darkness that lives inside me.”
Ruya didn’t flinch.“I’m not afraid of you, Dusek.I never have been, and I never will be.”
I turned to her fully then, and the words snapped out of me, triggered by some irrational need to argue, to defend against my suddenly mushy feelings, rather than accept the fact that she was willing to tolerate such evil near her, loving her, wanting her.
The things I wanted to do to this woman…
“I’ve pulled souls apart,” I reminded her.“Whispered things into minds that made them rot, eaten alive by their own terror.I wasmadeto terrify, Ruya.That’s my purpose.My existence.”
She stepped closer, brushing her fingers up my sleeve.“That’s not what you weremade for,” she said with an eye roll, as if I had said something ridiculous.“That’s just your magic, a part of your nature.It’spartof you, but it’s not all of who you are.”She shook her head.“I know you.You have the kind of magic in you that can cause destruction and terror, yes… but there’s more to you than that.It’s not as if you go around terrorizing and devouring souls all day just for the fun of it, Dusek.”
Something inside me fractured at that, making me feel oddly small and vulnerable.I clenched my fists as tears prickled behind my eyelids.“Do you have any idea what it’s like?To feel something tender and then have the monster inside you perk up, and know you should recoil, no matter how much you yearn for affection?It’s like my touch is an infection.My attempts at gentleness are poison.”
A shiver ran through her body as she felt the effects of my emotions—and my aura.But she didn’t put distance between us, the way a rational person would.Her voice softened even more.“I know that’s how you feel.I know that for a long time, no one ever showed you anything different.The others in the court care for you, Dusek.Several of them would probably even welcome your attention.They’re just waiting for you to love yourself enough to try.”
Her hand smoothed over my chest and she shivered, probably feeling the fear-inducing aura that radiated from me no matter how hard I tried to tamp it down.But still she didn’t draw back.“Surely you can see now that I’m not the only one who wants to love you, to be close to you.So… will you finally stop trying to push me away or keep me at a distance and admit you deserve this?”
I looked at her.Really looked.Saw the strength and determination in her.And for the first time, I let my aura uncoil around her on purpose.Not fully.Not the whole of it, by any means.But enough for her to really see what I held in check every time she was near.Every timeanyonecame near.
The air shifted, thickened.The light dimmed as shadows bled outward from my skin, curling like smoke, pooling at our feet.My voice deepened, took on a bit of an otherworldly echo.“This is who I am, trinket.Are yousureyou want this?The naga seems to be immune.But I know you are not.You feel it.Every skitter of fear.I can taste it on you.”
Ruya reached out, her hand threading gently through the tendrils of darkness that she couldn’t see but could undoubtedly sense around her.She didn’t flinch when they brushed her fingers.She didn’t pull back when they kissed her palm.She just… accepted it with another of those little shivers that seemed equal parts fear and… lust?
That final realization rang through me, a death-knell to the last scrap of my hesitation.She accepted me.All of me.And far from recoiling, she seemed to like the heightened, adrenaline-fueled energy that grew between us as she rode out the fear.
Suddenly I stopped seeing her as fragile.As delicate or innocent.Ruya knew what she wanted, and she was brave enough to make sure I knew it too.
My voice dropped to a broken whisper.“Touch me, trinket?”
She obeyed without hesitation, touching my face, her soft fingertips grazing over my cheek, along my jaw, her sweet omega aura twining with my darkness as she traced my features.
“I’m not afraid,” she said again.“I want this.I wantyou,Dusek.Are you listening this time?”
I hadn’t planned to cry.But it came anyway.Hot, and fast, and humiliating.Sadavir was right, I tried to live up to my name, but in reality, I was nothing but a mushy mess inside.Some boogey man I was.I didn’t even recognize myself anymore.
Ruya stepped in without hesitation and wrapped her warms around my waist, pressing her cheek against my chest.And still,still, the shadows and my aura of terror didn’t deter her, didn’t send her scurrying away or screaming into insanity.If anything… she seemed to be growing more accustomed to my aura the longer we touched.
Throwing out all the fear, and hesitation, and hurt—all the expectations of rejection and scorn—I placed my finger beneath her chin and tilted her head back, making her lift her face so I could bend down and press my lips to hers.
Ruya had kissed me before.Several times.But this was the first time I initiated it.The first time in so long that I willingly, purposefully reached for another person.And the only time I had ever done so while knowing with such unshakable certainty that they wouldn’t reject me.
It was gentle at first.A question.A bare whisper of a touch.Then she kissed me back like her life depended on it.My hands curled around the curve of her waist, and hers tangled in my hair, as the passion between us deepened, growing hungry and fierce.
