Page 19 of In For a Penny
He narrows his eyes at me. He knows I’m deflecting. Mercifully, Josh shakes his head and plays along, understanding that we are shutting the door on my feelings for now, thank you very much.
“We were living together in Portland—I moved there for her after college, by the way—and I had to fly back home to Palo Alto because my grandfather was dying and didn’t have much time left. I already told you I had been ring shopping before, and I meant it. We had a friend’s wedding that weekend, and I was planning to propose right after, but given the circumstances, I was going to have to wait, obviously. I thought she would come with me to California, but she decided to go to our friend’s wedding instead. She had already paid for the tickets and hotel and didn’t want them to go to waste because the spa was, and I quote, ‘Sick as shit, babe.’” He closes his eyes and shakes his head in disgust.
“What a bitch,” I say.
“Anyway,” he goes on, “I get to California Saturday night, the night of the wedding, and I get a drunk call from her. She started saying stuff like she didn’t know what was happening, but she wasn’t feeling it anymore and that maybe it wasn’t a good idea to be together and that we should sit down and talk about what our next steps were once I got back from the funeral.”
Josh stops to take a deep breath. “I mean, he wasn’t even dead yet! And she was already planning our breakup conversationover the phoneafter four years of being together for ‘after the funeral,’” he air-quotes. “I mean, where was her sympathy, you know?”
I shake my head in disgust. “She sounds like a serial killer,” I say, trying to add some levity to the situation. He scoffs, laughing bitterly. “So, what happened next?” I ask.
Josh runs his hand through his hair again and looks up to the ceiling, swallowing hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “He died the next morning,” he says quietly. “And she knew. She knew how close he and I were. She knew how hard it was for me. And she didn’t care.” He shakes his head softly, pausing, pain evident in his eyes. I suddenly feel this urge to get up and wrap my arms around him, but I quickly stop myself.
Boundaries, Penny.
“I went back to Portland, not knowing what to expect. I was angry, but at the same time, I was scared she would leave me.”
I raise an eyebrow. “What do you meanyou were scared she would leave you? I would’ve kicked her out or left or whatever.”
Josh scoffs. “I know what you mean, but I was vulnerable and grieving, and I didn’t want to be alone.
“When I got back, I knew tough times were ahead with her, but I figured that, after four years of being together and three years of friendship before that, she would put aside her shit and be there for me after my grandfather’s death. That we would try to work things out like adults. But no. The day I returned to Portland after the funeral, she broke up with me there in our kitchen, and I just fucking lost it.”
Josh exhales and runs his hand through his hair, leaning back in his chair. He looks exhausted and lost, much like how I’ve been feeling the past year, and it makes me feel for him. Losing a family member and a lover in the same week? That’s gotta be tough.
“I remember just sitting on the couch, begging her to stay with me, not understanding what went wrong. I asked her how she could do this to me at such a horrible moment in my life, and she just said that she couldn’t keep putting it off just because she felt bad for me.” He scoffs, and I wince in response. This is painful. “I mean, seriously? She couldn’t hack it out at least a little while longer while I got a little more emotionally stable?”
“What a horrible person. Good riddance. That’s an awful breakup story.” I say, meaning every word.
I can’t believe what a bitch this girl had been. Josh is such a sweet guy. I don’t know him that well yet, but he seems like the type of man who is as loyal as a fucking German Shepherd. Just by how Josh had fed my hungover ass twice already, I could tell that he is the type of guy who would be there for you and protect you no matter what. He looks like the kind of man who loves deeply and devotedly. Definitely not a fuckboy.
People like Josh constantly get screwed over and taken advantage of. They just assume everyone is as lovely as they are, but are met, instead, with a world of disappointment, and it’s so infuriating. Hearing how Josh’s ex broke his heart makes me feel enraged for his sake—especially after hearing how he asked her not to go. A wave of protectiveness courses through my body for this man, this new friend.
I don’t understand why he’s telling me this story, though. Josh is proving my point that the majority of people suck. Kat had sucked, and she didn’t deserve him.
She was a fucking idiot for letting him go.
“Yeah, I’m not done,” he says.
“Oh, no.”
“Oh, yeah. There’s more,” Josh laughs sheepishly at my expression and sighs, shaking his head before continuing. “We had a vacation planned for two weeks after the funeral with my parents. We had already scheduled it before he had died. She said she could go with me, and we could pretend to be together so it wouldn’t be awkwardfor me. I think she just didn’t want to come off to people like theassholethat broke up with me right after my grandfather’s funeral.”
“Excuse me, where was this vacation?” I ask, tilting my head toward him.
“It was a week in the Bahamas, why?”
I laugh once. “No, Josh. She didn’t want to save face or spare you the embarrassment of the breakup with your family. She wanted the free vacation. Are you kidding me? An all-expenses-paid vacation to the Bahamas with potential wild break-up sex?” I say, shaking my head. “I hate to burst your bubble, but it had nothing to do with you.”
He stares wide-eyed at me for a second before turning away as if he is revisiting old memories, viewing them now from a different angle.
“Holy shit, Penny. I think you’re right.”
“IknowI’m right. People suck.” I pause. “So, did you take her or what?”
He shakes his head. “Nah. I went alone with my family and proceeded to get shit-faced twenty-four-seven for eight days. I don’t remember a minute of the vacation. It was great.” He smiles bitterly at the memory (or lack thereof?).
“I don’t understand the point of this story, Josh. You’re proving me right. Proving that all people suck, and love sucks, and we would all just be better off if we did not expect anything from absolutely anyone.”
