Page 91 of In For a Penny
And I’m trying, Penny, I swear I’m trying for your sake. But fuck, I love you and it’s killing me that he hurt you and changed you. You were never a cheerleader-type of light, but you had your own shrewd humor. You still crack jokes, but they’re to cover up the pain, and we all notice it.
But I’m never gonna stop trying to protect you, even if it annoys the shit out of you.
So, I’ll confess that I’ve asked everyone to keep an eye on you, make sure you are okay, make sure you never have to be alone. Because I think you haven’t processed it yet, Penny. I know you’ll hate me for it, but I don’t care.
So, sue me. I care about you, and I need to know you’re okay.
I know you’re not okay, though.
Thomas Delancey. I’ll hate him until the day I die.
I wish you’d talk to me.
I miss you.
I love you,
Josh
I’m full-on sobbing now, gasping for breath.
Heorganized all of my friends into babysitting me. He cares about me. He’s been worried about me. But most importantly, he loves me.
Andof courseI love him.
Of course I do.
Because he’s amazing and incredible and sweet and kind and strong. And he knows and understands me better than anyone.
What am I doing? I need to talk to him. I need to fix this.
I pick up the notebook and hold it close to my chest as I sling my bag over a shoulder and reach down for the blanket I’ve been lying on. I basically jog back to my apartment to shower, get ready, and make myself perfect for him, because I’ve decided that tonight is the night. I’m gonna tell him.
I’m going to tell Josh that I love him too.
I’m smiling like a goofball all the way to my building. I start peeling my clothes off as soon as I’m through the door, honestly not caring whether Allie or anyone catches me, throwing my shoes over my shoulder as I make it to the bathroom. Swinging my shower curtain open, I start jumping in place, turning on the hot water, and practically dancing while I wait for it to heat.
I’m finally going to tell him how I feel. I need to wear something amazing, something that will make him forgive me for being an asshole. Maybe that tight black dress I wore out the other night? I saw him checking out my legs in it. I need to do an awesome job on my makeup, too, but avoid lipstick because it can get everywhere when you kiss, and I plan to do a lot of it once we put all the bad shit behind us. I also need to shave my legs because maybe we’ll even have sex!
And then the other shoe drops.
Oh. Wait.
