Page 62 of Fall Into You
“Dani, you didn’t have to tell him you knew. I never mentioned the fact that you were aware that Matt and I were dating. I didn’t want you to be dragged into it.” I reach out for her hand to hold it.
She shrugs. “I was the one who told him, don’t worry. Your mother and I both thought we should stand up for you and tell him how ridiculous he was being, and it came out that we both knew this was happening. Obviously, this was before we knew what was actually going on with him.”
I shake my head. “I’m so sorry.” I frown at her joined hands, unable to look her in the eye. “So where is he now?” I ask, hoping to God he hasn’t done something crazy.
She sees the expression on my face, and her eyes widen. “No, no. Don’t worry, he hasn’tleftme or anything. He just had an emergency with a patient.” She sighs, looking terrified. “He’s notthatangry—I don’t think.” She mutters that last part under her breath. “We’ve just been talkinga lot, staying up late, and I’ve been a teensy bit sleep deprived and overwhelmed. I’m feeling guilty that I didn’t notice that my own husband, who I see and talk to every day, has spent most of our marriage grieving.” She sniffles and shakes her head. “We’ll get through it, though.”
My heart aches for her and the absolute catastrophic damage this whole thing has left in my wake. “I’m so,sosorry, Dani,” my voice breaks.
“Don’t be. In a way, what happened was a good thing. It helped us talk things through, have him finally express himself. I don’t thinkheeven knew what he was going through, you know? It’s like he’s been in fight mode all this time and hasn’t given himself time to break down. It just sucks that it had to be this way.” I nod and tighten my grip on her hand. “You want to stay for dinner? The twins are with my mom and should be back in a little bit,” she asks after a few beats of silence.
I smile and thank her but tell her that I’m going to have to pass.
“I never planned to stay here. I didn’t think my brother would want me to. So, I made plans with Matt and Barbara for dinner so that they can get to know each other better.”
She smiles and sniffles, wiping her nose with the back of her hand. “The best friend and the boyfriend.” She snorts. “You nervous?” We laugh.
“Nah, they’ve met each other already. Although, I think the last interaction they had was when Babs drunkenly and repeatedly called him a dick at her Halloween party.” Danielle laughs, and I reach for her hand again.
“I hope they get along. Matt’s already been through enough because of dating me,” I say.
“Preach,” she agrees and nods.
“I love you. Thank you for being so supportive.” I kiss her on the cheek.
“Love you, too. Just know that your brother needs a little space. I’m sure it will all be okay in time.” She smiles.
“Will you tell him I stopped by? That I miss him?” I ask as we both stand. I want to make sure he knows that I don’t care that he’s upset with me, with us. I want him to know that I care and that I’m sorry that I hurt him. That I’m making an effort to see him.
“Of course,” she says as she walks me to the door. I give her a hug before leaving and thank her for being such a great sister-in-law.
IT’S BEEN ALMOSTthree weeks since our argument with Vinny on Thanksgiving, and neither Liza nor I have managed to speak one word to him since. It’s been really difficult for the both of us to cope, but we understand that he’s hurt and needs time, and we’re sad he’s taken it so personally. I tried to reach out to him several times, even showing up at his office one day, but it was fruitless. He won’t pick up the phone or see me, and I don’t know if he ever even read the letter I left with the receptionist at his practice.
It hasn’t been easy, and the guilt over the part I played in the chasm in the relationship between Liza and her brother never fades—it has increased over time. Not to mention the fact that I miss my best friend, too. I love my girlfriend very much, but I also miss hanging out with Vinny, having a beer, and talking about absolutely nothing. Sometimes a guy just needs guy time, you know?
I hate that he hates me.
But what was I supposed to do? I couldn’t help falling for her, and I meant what I said to Liza the other day: things might suck right now, but I don’t regret anything because it led me to being with her, to loving her.
Still, it’s hard.
I sigh and run my fingers over the strip of photos Liza and I took in the photo booth at the cardiology department’s holiday party last weekend and smile. I’ve taped it to a frame on my desk right next to my computer screen. We’re making funny faces in the first two photos, but the third in the bunch is of me holding her close, grinning into the camera while she looks up and smiles at me, beaming. She’sglowingin the picture, and I marvel at the fact that I can make anyone—especially someone as incredible as her—look at me like that, like I’m everything to her, just like she is to me.
We did two more sessions in the photo booth that night, but I wanted to keep this particular strip because of the look in her eye in that third photo, that smile that can bring me to my fucking knees. I wanted it in my office to look at every damn day and remind myself that, no matter what, I have her with me. Yes, her brother is still mad at us. Yes, it’s caused a lot of familial drama. But we are finally openly together and really happy. The rest is just noise, in my opinion.
I know it will work itself out sooner rather than later—I know that—but I hope that Liza and Vinny reconcile soon—before Christmas. I don’t want her to go into the holidays without being on speaking terms with her brother. Christmas is already hard enough as it is for Vinny and Liza, because of their dad’s passing, without adding their fight to it. I want us to be able to enjoy the holiday together at her mother’s without the underlying drama of it all. I want us to be able to enjoy my gift to her (a three-day getaway starting the day after Christmas at a cabin in Vermont), and I want things to be okay enough for me to ask her to move in with me.
I think it’s time.
I already spend every night at her place when she isn’t at mine, so what’s the difference? Some of her stuff is already at my place—this would just be adding to it, right? Plus, she’s still a student, and it would be better if she saved the rent money by moving in with me and putting it toward her loans. I already own my place, and she wouldn’t have to spend a dime. I know she thinks my apartment is cold, but it’s bigger than hers, has more closet space, and I’d let her redecorate it however she wanted to—I don’t care if I have to pay for it.
I want her stuff in my closet, her makeup on my bathroom counter, her almond milk in my fridge, and her awful paint-by-numbers art on my walls (preferably in the bathroom, but whatever). I’m tired of overnight bags and pretending like we don’talreadylive together. Sure, some people will say it’s too soon to make it official, but I don’t care anymore about what other people think regarding my relationship with my girlfriend. All I care about is that she’s happy and safe and healthy—something she’s been struggling with lately, which is why I can’t ask her to move in yet.
We’ve been happy, sure, but I think the stress of this fight with her brother plus the stress of school is really getting to her, and I’m concerned. I don’t know if it’s just the stomach flu or whether it’s the anxiety from everything going on her life, but she hasn’t been able to keep anything down this entire week. I’ve asked her to slow down multiple times, to study at the apartment instead of in the school library, to come home a little earlier, sleep in more, but it’s like talking to a wall. She’s determined and driven, and it’s definitely sexy—until it makes her throw up like a woman possessed by a demon.
I want her to be happy, but she is not doing okay, and I’m incredibly concerned for her. She keeps telling me this is normal, that this is her body’s reaction to stress, but I’m a doctor, and vomiting all day, every day as a reaction to stress is not fucking normal. I’m so fucking happy today was her last day of school. I’m hoping now she can relax and feel better.
“Dr. Wilson?” I hear Jenny, my receptionist, through the phone’s intercom.
