Page 23 of Earl of Excess
“Even Tobias?”
Was that jealousy? She could not help feeling a twinge of hope, even if there could be no future for them. “Yes,” she acknowledged. “For some reason,especiallyTobias.”
“That is curious,” he mused out loud. “He has feelings for you. That was clear to me.”
“You noticed.” Bethany gave a terse laugh before biting her bottom lip, wondering how much she should say. “He made it known he was interested in a future. However, I am not. I told him I valued his friendship but was not interested in making it more. He has an annoying habit of selective hearing.”
Matthew turned his gaze toward the fireplace, as if in thought, before returning his gaze to her direction. “I doubt he has accepted your answer if body language is an indicator. He seemed possessive.”
“We have been friends for most of our lives. It was hard to rebuff him. I tried not to hurt him,” she lamented. “Grandmère told me he would get over it, but in these parts, men seem to think they can crook their finger and the woman acquiesces. I was not raised toacquiesceto a man. I was raised to think for myself. To make my own decisions about what is right and wrong, and what I want for my life. I want a man that is comfortable with that.”
She stopped, realizing she had gone too far in her explanation, and suddenly worrying about what Matthew would think.I want a man like you.
He stood up and walked to her, reaching out and taking her hand, rubbing slow circles on the back with his thumb.
Dandie trotted over and sat behind him, staring at her mistress and wearing her black-lipped grin.
“I do not know what there is between us, yet I recognize the attraction that we have for each other. Perhaps it was evident to your friend, as well,” he said before pausing. “I cannot see but milky shadows with my eyes, but my heart sees your heart, your compassion, and your courage. I have never known a woman like you.”
Her heart pounded in her chest so loud, she was sure he could hear. “I... I find you very appealing,” she confessed in a soft voice. “Yet, I know that once you are completely healed, you will return to your homeland.”
“You could come with me,” he said with an unexpected drawl.
“What are you saying?” she asked. “And is that another attempt at the dialect here?”
“It was,” he laughed. “Better?”
She nodded.
He moved closer. “I have feelings for you, and I confess they are new to me,” he answered.
“Of gratitude,” she responded. “I pulled you from a battlefield and stitched your wounds.”
“You have saved my life. And it isnotgratitude.”
Her heart thudded. “I cannot go to a new world because you are grateful. I did what I would do for anyone, ’tis all,” she said, feeling a lump in her throat and a tug at her heart.
Matthew leaned in and kissed her lips lightly, but offered no further explanation before walking back into the bedroom. She heard the springs groan as he sat down on the bed. Her dog followed. She heard Dandie jump up on the bed and nestle herself on the pillow, a place she could only dream of being, herself. The dog would get off the bed before too long and come and sleep on the pallet next to her, as she had done every night he had been here.
She walked to the doorway of her bedroom and looked at the two of them. He sat there, staring at the floor. “I am packed. I wrapped dried pork, bread, the unpeeled potatoes, and cheese into the food sack. That should give us adequate nourishment for the short journey.”
He looked up in her direction. “Thank you, Bethany. You need to rest, now.”
Bethany realized with sudden clarity that she needed to get Matthew well as soon as she could before she lost her heart to this man. She noticed the window she had cracked open earlier and closed it. Grabbing her rolled pallet from the corner of the room, she opened it and placed it in front of the fireplace, realizing she had not taken Grandmère’s bed because she wanted to be near him. She could not think anymore. Today had been too stressful. She needed her sleep.
They needed to leave before dawn.
*
Matthew felt anache in his heart that he had never experienced before. Sure, there had been women in his life, but never one that had so captivated his interest. He had not believed he would find such a woman. This one—Bethany—made him want to smile in the face of all he had experienced, despite the danger he still faced being here in enemy territory, and notwithstanding the fear he faced over his sight. He lifted his feet and laid them on top of the still-made bed, thinking.
What in the world was I thinking, asking her to come back to England with me?As soon as the words had spilled from his lips, his mind had whirled. All he knew was the desire to be in her company. He needed her near him—not from gratitude. It was from something deeper... deeper than an attraction. He squeezed his useless eyes shut and felt hot tears escape, wishing they could release his fears and frustration. And he missed his family and friends.
In a few hours, they would be on the river. It was one more step in her quest to heal him. He would be more of a burden than a help with his lack of sight. Bethany’s words came back to him.Swimming is instinctual. He knew that was true, yet that did nothing to abate his fears. He knew what lurked in these waters—deadly snakes and alligators. His naiveté with alligators had ended when his men had arrived at the plantation. That was when they had discovered that if there was water in Louisiana, it most likely had alligators. Luckily, except for a few bites, there had been no grievous injuries—even from snakes. And in a few hours, he would be in a small boat...practically blind. It was not fear of what he could not see. It was more a fear of what he could not do. He could not protect her.
Bethany was not afraid. The woman never ceased to surprise him with her ability to remain calm under stress. Never had he met anyone like her. The little terrier stirred above his head, as if to remind him of her presence. “Are you reading my mind, Dandie?”
The dog stretched her legs and gave a softyip, making him smile.
