Page 31 of Earl of Excess
Bethany quickly related the story of Caleb Smoot and explained about the letter. “So, I felt we needed to leave. I worried about staying longer.”
Chapter Fifteen
Hearing Bethany relatethe day of the battle sent chills down Matthew’s spine. They were not for him, but for her—for the danger she had endured. They could have killed her. As the days had passed at the cabin, he had not given thought to how her day had unfolded, realizing now how critical she had been in saving his life. Had she not been there, it could have been hours before they found him—if they discovered him at all. He could have died.
“I do want to add something,” he said, placing his teacup in its saucer. “Bethany has been very good to me. She saved my life and has not thought of herself. If you are wondering if anything improper has taken place, let me assure you it has not. I would not intentionally injure her reputation. I have a sister about her age. However, I realize that staying with her, as I have done, has probably damaged her reputation and will take her as my wife.” Oddly, he felt no reticence.
Silence ensued for several long minutes before Grandmère spoke up.
“Son, you are an honorable man. Bethany is a good girl, and I have faith in her. While this story makes me quake with fear in its telling, I am thankful that you have both arrived here safe. Marriage is a decision that is left to my granddaughter. Our lives differ somewhat from that in the more formal society where you live. While we have similar social customs, I would never insist on marriage. That would be Bethany’s decision entirely. However, I had always hoped she would marry for love, as has been the tradition in our family for generations. Without friendship and love, a marriage loses much of its heart.”
Aunt Theodosia smiled and nodded in agreement, but said nothing.
“Matthew, I... appreciate what you have said. But I cannot marry you, not without love. I want to marry someone I love, who also loves me,” Bethany replied, placing her hand on his. “What I did for you, I would do again. You needed someone to help you. This is a time of war. People will understand if need be.”
He realized his mistake the minute he looked into their faces. Matthew had repeated a blunder his friends often accused him of making. He had made the grand gesture and done the noble thing—offering for her yet forgotten to include his own feelings. Healwaysdid the noble thing andalwayskept his feelings in check, separate. He was not in England, and this was no compromised debutante.Here, they did not arrange marriages.Here, in this wilderness of America, matches could be made based on feelings, not fear and not riches.How did I misjudge this so badly?
He wanted to talk to Bethany, alone.I need to tell her how I feel, but I am not ready to share that conversation with her grandmother and aunt. But how and when? I already feel like a cad.
“Matthew, would you be able to go with me to walk Dandie? I want to keep her on the leash and get her used to the area, and I thought you might enjoy the fresh air,” she said, reaching down and attaching the leather leash to the dog’s collar.
Dandie came up from behind him and licked his hand.
“Yes. I would very much like to do that. I still need to stretch my legs after our trip.” He gave what he thought was a sincere smile toward his hostesses. Light spilled in the door when Bethany opened it, and he took his cane and followed her.
When they had walked a little way from the front of the small house, he reached down and felt for Bethany’s hand, grasping it into his own. It was the first time he could recall holding her hand, and a sense of intimacy hit him. “Bethany, I did not mean to blunder that... proposal,” he stammered, “but I am not just offering out of a sense of duty. There was more to it than that.”
“I confess, I am confused,” she said, slowing to a stop and carefully pulling her hands back. “What are you saying?”
“I am not sure,” he said. “However, I have known many women and have never felt a connection to them as I do to you. Perhaps saving my life had a little to do with it in the beginning, but now it feels like more. ’Tis like a need, I have to be where you are. I am not accustomed to feeling this way. I know you wish for more, yet I would wish that you reconsider my offer. Take your time... please.”
She stood there listening to him and had not moved while he spoke. He wished he could see her face and discern her expressions. But she was a shadow with a light behind her. He became more frustrated with his lack of ability to see, realizing that it could be permanent and that he might not be able to cope with that reality. What would he do if he remained blind? His career would be over. What could life possibly hold for him?
“Whenever I am feeling sorry for myself, your nearness makes me smile,” he said slowly.Surely this friendship between them counted for something.
“I have feelings for you, Matthew, but I cannot bring myself to marry someone without love,” she responded. “It is a promise I made to my mother.”
Did that mean she loved him? Matthew had never been in love before. He could not say he loved her.
Dandie foraged along the path which led them behind the house. Tall trees formed what resembled a wall behind the house, as the color of their bark blended into a larger shadow.
“What made you ask me to marry you? Was it all for duty?” Her voice was low and sounded vulnerable.
He thought about his answer, suddenly wondering to himself what had prompted the proposal. He never imagined he would offer for a woman and have it turned down. Had he been in England, his friends would never have let him forget the spurn. While here, he understood her need. “I listened to all I had put you through—what we had been through. While I referenced your reputation, it felt different than just being honorable.”I care about her. “I offered because I care very much about you.” He reached out and touched her arm, feeling his way down to her hands and clasping them. “Promise you will think about it.”
She squeezed his hand. “I will.”
Dandie started barking and pulling on the leash. Frustrated, he could hear the small dog growling and chewing. “Can you tell what she is upset about?”
“I am uncertain. She is darting back and forth, wanting to run toward the edge of the property.”
“Has she ever been here before?” Matthew asked.
“She has. And she has been good about not going near the water’s edge,” she said. “Although we had no problems before with the gators, I am now even more cautious.” A nervous laugh escaped her.
“Perhaps you should walk her in the direction she is trying to pull. There must be something.”
“I agree. She is usually sensitive to things and doesn’t make a fuss unless there is something.”
