Page 13 of Kissed By a Scoundrel
Thomas guffawed. “Yes, it is done—shamelessly, I might add. How did you know about that?”
“Wendel told me,” she said without thinking. She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat. She and Wendel had often talked about children and having a big family. While she wasn’t jealous of Thomas and Frankie, Katie couldn’t help but feel an emptiness within her. Her perfectly planned life had been destroyed. Wendel would have been just as excited as her brother about an upcoming child. He told her once that if they had a little girl, he would want her to look just like Katie, with wavy, dark brown hair and sparkling blue eyes, the color of the sky. Katie had often pictured a golden-haired little boy with an amiable smile, just like Wendel.
But those children would never be, all because of her unwillingness to give up a pearl necklace. How foolish she’d been. How silly and naïve. Absently, Katie touched her throat, remembering how she’d gripped the pearls, so desperate to hang onto them. She recalled the feel of the knife touching her throat and a shiver of fear skittered up her spine.
She’d had nightmares about him, too. That evil man who’d menaced her, pushing himself against her. Had she been thinking clearly that night, she would have handed the pearls over without hesitation. But no. She didn’t. And because of her, Wendel had died a painful death. And now she had to live with the consequences.
I’m tired of it. She was tired of feeling anxious, guilty, and angry with herself.
With startling clarity, Katie realized the truth—more than anything else, she was tired of feeling outside herself, as though she had not only lost Wendel last year, but she’d lost a part of herself too.
I can’t change the past, but maybe I can change my future, or at the very least, no longer feel like a scared little mouse.
Her throat suddenly dry, she took a sip of water. “Thomas,” she began, in as casual a voice as she could muster, “is fencing a sport that requires brute strength?”
Thomas looked up from his plate. “That’s an interesting question, Katie. It focuses on agility, flexibility, and endurance. Not so much physical strength as mental alertness and acuity.”
“Is it something that only men can do?” she persisted. “You mentioned that Nelson was teaching boys how to fence.”
“Why all these questions about fencing, Katie?” her mother asked.
“Forgive me, Mama, I’m just curious,” Katie replied. She got up and made her way to the buffet, scooping up a spoonful of scrambled eggs onto a plate. “Is it hard to learn?” she added nonchalantly, over her shoulder.
“In a word, yes,” Thomas said. “But I enjoy it. Father was my first teacher before he eventually hired a master to take over.” Thomas winced. “I wasn’t the best student at first, and frequently found myself on the ground looking up at a foil pointed at my nose because my head was in the clouds.” He chuckled. “But eventually, I learned.”
“I’m certain those skills came in handy when you were abroad,” Frankie put in.
Thomas nodded. “Yes, darling. That’s an excellent point. Many a time, I was grateful for having had an excellent and persistent teacher and a father who fenced with me as often as he could. “Why all the questions about fencing, little sister?”
Katie set her plate down on the table and resumed her seat. Darn, she should have been more careful. She didn’t want to cause her family even more worry. They already had a lot to think about with the new baby on the way. Not to mention, it would likely cause her mother to insist on Katie going with them to Sussex. And she didn’t want that. Not yet. Not when she’d only just decided to reclaim her life. She’d keep her idea about fencing to herself for the time being. “No reason. Just making conversation,” she said, scooping up a bite of the fluffy eggs.
“Good. I suggest we discuss something else,” her mother said, setting down her water glass. “Has everyone finished packing their personal belongings?”
“All done,” Frankie said.
“I’m anxious to get back,” Thomas admitted. “I want to get those buildings in the village that were damaged in the fire last week repaired as soon as possible. The lumber shipment is due to arrive in the next few days?—”
“And we need to complete the renovations for the nursery, dear,” their mother interrupted. “Katie, have you decided to return with us or stay with the Dowager Duchess of Clarence?”
Katie had made up her mind. She was more certain than ever that she wanted to remain in London. Perhaps the dowager would be able to help her in her quest to learn how to wield a sword. She was certain Paula would stay as well. Aunt Jane, Paula’s mother, was going to Sussex with her family to help Mama and Frankie with the preparations.
Although Katie felt a twinge of guilt for not going with them, she pushed it away. If she could regain her confidence, she would be far more helpful to her family and cause them far less worry.
Staying in London and learning how to fight seemed the best idea she’d had in a long time.
And there’s another reason perhaps…a very tall, very handsome reason why you wish to remain in London—her inner voice reminded her. Meeting Lord Soren had strangely begun to shift something inside of her as well. Katie had never even pondered the idea of actively learning to fence until this morning. Perhaps meeting Lord Sebastian Soren had awakened a little voice inside her that made her want to get back to being the person she used to be—but even stronger and more self-assured.
She realized that time was of the essence. She’d spent an entire year wallowing in self-pity, hiding away from the world. Yes, she’d mourned Wendel’s death, but in the process, she’d given up on herself.
“Mama, I wish to take the duchess up on her offer to stay with her. I’d like to attend more of the Season,” Katie said. “Of course, I will come to Sussex to be with you all for the birth of my niece or nephew.” She smiled. “I would never miss that.”
Her mother set down her teacup. “So, you have decided this is what you want?”
“Yes, Mama. And if Paula is amenable, I think it will all work out well. I think the dowager duchess will enjoy our company.”
“Very well, I will send word to the dowager immediately.”
“Thank you.”
