I shook my head slightly. “Not unless I have to. My issues have ruined a lot of plans they’ve made over the years. I can handle this.”
He lowered me back to the pillows on the couch and held my hand in his. “Tell me what else happened. I can tell he gave you other news you don’t know how to process.”
I shrugged and leaned my head back on the pillow. “He was surprised to see how I just drag the leg around rather than have any kind of natural gait. When he took the brace off, and I couldn’t hold myself up at all, he was extremely unhappy that I’d waited so long to see him. I used to be able to walk on the leg without the brace. It wasn’t correctly, but it did hold me up. Since February, it hasn’t.”
“Don’t you think maybe that was a good reason to see the doctor before now?” he asked gently. He was concerned, which I understood, but he didn’t understand the life I’ve led up until now. I couldn’t get mad at him for that, but I also didn’t want to defend myself all the time.
“In the beginning, I thought it was from the injury and would improve. When it didn’t, I adjusted to it just like I always do when something changes. See, you’ve known me for less than two weeks, Bishop. You haven’t been part of the last seventeen years of constant changes with this leg. I know it’s easy for you to sit there and judge my decisions, but those decisions are never easy, cut, or dried.”
His fingers tightened on mine, and he shook his head. “I’m sorry if that came off as judging you. I should have worded it differently. I should have asked if that concerned you, but you answered the question in a roundabout way. You didn’t think anything of it because the leg is always changing.”
“At the beginning, that’s true,” I agreed. “It was when it didn’t start to improve again that I got worried. Then work got busy, and I kept pushing it day after day. As long as I wore the brace, I could walk, but I didn’t see the way I was walking. Haylee and Brady did. When I almost faceplanted on the bakery floor this morning, Haylee drove me to the clinic and deposited me there. Now it’s too late to fix it.”
“The doctor must have some kind of treatment, Amber,” he said gently. “What did he suggest?”
“In two weeks, he wants to do nerve conduction studies. He said the nerves aren’t firing correctly anymore. He suspects the damage is too great to reverse it. According to him, all that’s left for treatment is the current brace and both crutches all the time, a wheelchair, or the microprocessor brace he told me about before.”
“The nerve conduction study will give them more information, though, so that sounds like a good place to start, right?”
“It would be if it weren’t for,” I rubbed my fingers together to indicate money. “I don’t have it. I also don’t have seventy thousand dollars, so that brace is out. I can afford a wheelchair. Would you get me a drink of water? I’m not feeling so great.”
“Anything you need,” he said, lowering my legs back to the couch and disappearing into the kitchen.
What I needed was a few minutes to myself. I just told Bishop more than I’d told my best friend. It was hard to admit defeat, but I think I just did. When you’re up against a rock, all you can do is bend or break. I couldn’t bend because I was already broken.
IINHALED A BREATHof cold air from the freezer while I dug around inside it. I needed a moment to steady my nerves. Now was the time to bring up my idea, but I was terrified Amber would laugh at me. Then again, maybe she’d cry. Either way, I knew she was going to say no. I just wasn’t sure how I was going to convince her that this was the only way.
I grabbed the water, a washcloth wet with cold water, the bottle of Tylenol, and an ice pack, then carried it back to the living room. I handed her the glass of water and held up the ice pack. “Would this help at all?”
She reached for it and settled it across her knee. “Can’t hurt, right? My skin is burning as if someone lit it on fire. I was thinking about a cold shower, but that’s more effort than I can expend right now.” She swallowed two Tylenol with the cold water and smiled. “Thanks, I appreciate your help. You don’t have to stick around. I’m sure you have better things to do than sit around and nurse my sorry ass back to health.”
“It’s summer. I have nothing else to do,” I promised, rubbing the cloth around her face to cool her.
Her finger roved around my face in a circle. “That’s a lie. You’re the one who spent five minutes explaining all the things teachers do in the summer.”
I laughed, and it made the tension flow out of my chest in a way I was grateful for at the moment. It was hard to speak when my sternum was crushing my lungs. “I’ll give you that, but I enjoy your company, and I’m not in a hurry to get home. I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Sure,” she said carefully, as though she was afraid that I was going to ask her out again. Little did she know.
“First, I have a question.” She motioned for me to ask, so I cleared my throat. “If you could afford the nerve test and the brace, would you do it?”
Her head tipped to the side, and she blinked twice. “That’s a ridiculous question. If I could afford it, then I would have done it already.”
“If that’s the case, then I might know how to help you get those things accomplished.”
“Did I win the lottery on a ticket I didn’t know I bought? If not, I don’t see how that’s going to work.”
“We get married,” I said in one breath.
The room remained deathly silent. I had to check to see if her chest was even rising and falling, or if she had just stopped breathing to avoid answering.
“This is like one of those fever-induced delirium dreams, right? Am I awake?” she finally asked, the words barely audible.
I swallowed and rubbed my hand on the couch to keep from making eye contact with her. “You are most definitely awake. Let me explain. I was thinking about all of this last night. I realized that if we get married, then I can add you to my insurance. My insurance will cover it all without deductibles or copays.”
“Um,” she said, the word hummed more than spoken. “I don’t think that’s legal, Bishop. Thanks for the offer, though.”
“It’s not illegal,” I said quickly.