Page 12 of Due North
I stroked the hair back off Poppy’s forehead and smiled. “You’re right. I know you’re right. I just question everything because I don’t know anything. I know how to love her, but she needs so much more than that.”
“While that may be true, you can’t worry about everything she needs all at once. All you can do is divide it into little bite-sized pieces you can deal with one at a time. Once you do that, it won’t seem as overwhelming.”
“Is that what you do at the ranch? You have a lot of responsibilities there.”
“It’s the only way,” he assured me. He tried to wink, but his lid was acting funny on his left eye again.
I reached up and massaged it, but it didn’t seem to do anything but droop. “Caleb, why is your eyelid like that?”
“I should put Poppy Rose in her car seat and start loading this,” he said, whipping away and walking to the truck parked next to the storage unit.
We’d borrowed Ash’s truck because it had a back seat for Poppy’s car seat and a full bed for all the items we were going to haul back to the ranch. I tried not to stare at Caleb’s tight butt in his tighter Wranglers as he bent over to put her into the seat, but I failed … miserably. The years of work on the ranch had sculpted him into trim lines, hard abs, tight buns, and muscular thighs. If we didn’t work together, he would be a cowboy I’d take home any day of the week.
I turned away to find the rest of Poppy’s things. I had to stop thinking of Caleb that way. He was a co-worker, and I made it a rule not to date co-workers. When I turned back to the pile we were accumulating, I noticed he was still leaning into the back of the truck. I finally jogged over and tapped him on the shoulder. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t get the harnesses to snap,” he said with frustration. “I can rope a steer from atop a horse, but I can’t snap a damn car seat together!”
His growl was cute, and I snickered, pointing at the storage unit. “Start loading the crib. I’ll finish this.”
He stepped back, and I missed his heat immediately, wishing he was still standing next to me as I strapped Poppy in the rest of the way and tucked pink blankie up near her cheek. Since she was so tiny and didn’t have the same strength in her neck muscles as most kids her age, she was still in a rear-facing car seat. She would sleep during our ride back to the ranch and, hopefully, play with Eden while I unloaded everything and set up the crib. I loved her, but I couldn’t wait to sleep alone again.
My gaze drifted to Caleb as he loaded up the crib, his strong arms lifting the pieces like they weighed nothing, and I couldn’t help but think I wouldn’t mind sharing my bed with him. Then, on a grunt, I closed the truck door gently and shook my head to clear it of those thoughts. I just became a single mother. There was no way I would complicate matters by getting involved with a man. Much less a man I worked with every day.
We finished loading her toys and the few items I wanted for her that were my sister’s, and then closed and locked the storage unit. “I’m going to donate the rest to charity,” I explained when we were back inside the truck with the heat going.
Caleb glanced at me before he put the truck in gear. “Are you sure? Maybe you should take more time before you do that. It’s not hurting anything to stay there for the winter.”
I leaned back against the seat and shrugged. “I saved everything I thought Poppy might ever want of her mother’s. She may never remember my sister and only know me as her mother.” I pressed my fist into my chest and let out a breath of air.
“Are you okay?” he asked, glancing at me for a second before his gaze went back to the road.
“It just hit me,” I said, my voice breathy and scared. “It just hit me that I’m Poppy’s mom now. Oh, my Lord,” I hissed, putting my head between my knees and taking slow, deep breaths. His warm hand came down on my back and rubbed it patiently.
“You’re okay, Cece. You’re up for the task. I knew it the moment I found you in that bunkhouse with her. You were scared to death, but you were her momma bear, and no one was getting close to that little girl unless they went through you.”
I let out a sigh and then inhaled a breath again, instinctively knowing I was absorbing the calmness he poured into the truck through his open aura. It swirled around me, wrapping me in a blanket of protection until I could sit up and face the world again.
“I’ll always protect her, Caleb,” I said with determination. “She deserves that and so much more. I’m just afraid I won’t be enough for her or know enough to help her grow and be the best she can be.”
“She’s already the best she can be.”
I glared at him immediately. “Poppy can learn, Caleb! She’s a smart girl! I can’t believe you said that.”
“No, sweetheart, you misunderstood me,” he said on a sigh, his head shaking a little. “I suck at this sometimes. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t suck,” I said, crossing my arms over my chest, which made him laugh. “You’re just a man, I guess.”
“My gender has nothing to do with it,” he said defensively. “What I was trying to say was she’s different than most kids.” My eyes rolled. “Again, not what I mean. Yes, she’s different, but not because she’s deaf or developmentally delayed. She’s different because,” I noticed him swallow hard before he could speak. “I think, maybe, she’s like me.”
“Like you?” He nodded but kept his gaze pinned to the road. “I don’t understand, Caleb.”
His laughter filled the truck, and I jumped from the harshness of it. “I can’t say I do either.”
We rode in silence for ten miles before I tried again. “I want to understand, Caleb. I want to understand you, and I want to understand everything I can about Poppy, so I can help her grow and be happy.”
“Protect her then, Cece. Don’t ever let anyone hurt her the way I was hurt.” He shook his head and swallowed hard again, his face stony and without expression. “I guess what I’m saying is, she has that same light that I carry. I’m drawn to her because of it and her to me. We understand each other in ways other people don’t understand us. We don’t need words or sounds to do that. We connect through our light. I can’t explain it better than that other than saying her light is yellow, beautiful, bright, and pure. I never want to see it sullied, okay?”
His bicep flexed under my hand when I grabbed it. “Caleb, relax, okay? I’m going to take care of her. I vowed the same the day she was born and again at the hospital when I found her in that crib, scared and alone. She’s mine. Whatever I have to do to keep her safe, I’ll do.”
