Page 14 of Due North
“There have been,” I agreed. “Some good, some not so good, but all part of life.”
“That’s true,” she said on a nod. “That’s why I don’t want you to think you have to go through this life alone, Tex. You’re not alone.”
I motioned my arms out to the side of me. “Hard to be alone in a place like this. Unless I’m here in the cabin, I’m never alone.”
“Not what I meant, Tex, and you know it.”
I hung my head in shame. “I know.”
“You said you wanted to talk to me about something earlier. I had a few moments and thought I’d stop over.”
I shook my head and stared at the door rather than risk her seeing the truth in my eyes. I was too scared to talk to her about it. “I changed my mind, but thank you anyway. Thank you again for Dolly. She’s such a sweet horse that I hate to think about making her do hard work. Maybe I could train her as a beginner horse?”
“A beginner horse?”
“For the little ones to learn to ride. I know we have the Shetland, but Beaker has never been trained for riding. Dolly would be perfect.”
“The little ones?”
I sighed and shook my head. She knew darn well who I was talking about, but she wasn’t going to let me get away with being vague. “Eden, of course. Now we have Poppy, too. Sometimes horses can be helpful for kids like Poppy, as like, a therapy, you know,” I stuttered.
“Is that what you wanted to talk to me about the other day?”
I shrugged and kept my gaze averted. “I need more time to think about it, okay?”
“Okay,” she agreed. “Just for the record, I love the idea. Explore it and get back to me.”
“You don’t know what the idea is.”
“I don’t need the specifics to see where your mind is going with it. I’m wondering if it has something to do with this,” Heaven said, pulling something out of her jacket and handing it to me.
The printer paper shook in my hand as soon as my gaze landed on the headline. I didn’t need to read the words. They had been slashed into my heart ten years ago. I dropped the paper to the floor and lowered my head to my hand.
“Where did you find that?” I asked, trying to control my voice and keep it from shaking.
“Dawn was worried about you. She found it online.”
“Great,” I said hotly, standing too fast and nearly falling over. I gripped the end of the couch until I had my legs under me and then stood to my full height. “I used to think we were friends here!” I exclaimed. “She could have come and asked me!”
Heaven didn’t even flinch. “She tried. We’ve all tried, Tex,” she reminded me gently. “You won’t talk to anyone.”
“For a reason,” I said between gritted teeth. “You didn’t see me on the internet digging up dirt about Dawn’s old life. Don’t I deserve the same courtesy?”
“Dawn wasn’t digging up dirt, Tex. She was worried about a friend who had started acting so out of character for him that she, we, don’t know what to do. If what that paper says is true, the change in your demeanor makes a little bit more sense to us.”
My leg chose that moment to fail, and I collapsed to the couch again, glad it looked like I was just emotionally drained rather than unable to hold myself up.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?”
“I don’t have anything to say,” I grunted. “Just leave it alone, Heaven. Nothing matters but this ranch. As long as I’m doing my job, no one should be worrying about anything else.”
“But you’re not doing your job,” she said gently. “No one has seen you in four days.”
My head whipped around to face her while rays of anger poured off me. “I am out there every day taking care of this ranch! What the hell more do you want from me?”
In the face of my anger, Heaven didn’t so much as flinch. She knew me too well, which was the problem. She knew my anger was fake vibrato and nothing more. I wasn’t angry. I was tired, sad, scared, and emotionally drained. She didn’t know that I was also crumbling physically. I didn’t see a way out of it this time other than admitting I needed help or accepting death.
“I want you to start being honest with yourself and us about your past, Tex. If we don’t face what brought us to this place in time, we can’t move past it.”
