Page 37 of Due North
She copied the sign and then clapped, her joy filling me with the yellow light I would need to get me through the next thirty minutes with Dawn and Heaven. Cece took her from my lap, and Poppy waved down the hallway over her aunt’s shoulder. That’s when I realized how much I loved her. It was like a punch to my heart. She was mine. I would do anything for her, including die so she could live. That was what I had to remember when I let her go. I dropped my head to my hand and took a deep, trembling breath.
“Funny what those little ones can do to us, huh?” Blaze asked from the doorway of the kitchen.
I glanced up, surprised by the intrusion. “You’re here, too?”
Blaze walked into the living room and waited while I stood up. He clasped my shoulder the way he always does in a show of brotherhood. “We’re all here, Tex. That’s what you do when you’re a family.”
I rubbed my palms on my jeans while I stared at the kitchen door. “I don’t think I can go in there,” I admitted, motioning my chin at the door. “I’m not ready for this.”
Blaze threw his arm around my shoulders and led me to the kitchen. “You don’t need to be ready for anything. It’s not the Spanish Inquisition. It’s cinnamon rolls and coffee with your family.”
The kitchen was warm, smelled of sweet cinnamon and yeasty rolls, and Dawn, Heaven, Ash, and Beau all sat at the table with cups of coffee. They stopped talking the moment I walked through the door.
“Well, the gang’s all here,” I said, Blaze’s arm still around my shoulder.
“Sit,” he said, motioning at the chair at the end. “Have a roll. I know they’re your favorite.”
My mouth was already watering at the scent, but I was admittedly too scared to move. If I sat down and they asked questions I couldn’t answer, I might die of … what? Embarrassment? Probably. That and the death of my pride, not that I had much pride left anyway.
Heaven stood and pushed her chair back, walking over to me and putting her tiny arm around me, the other held tight to her body in a unique sling she wore to protect it. My arms came around her naturally to return the hug and her sigh of relief resonated through my body.
“I’m glad you’re home, Caleb. We just want you to share breakfast with us then we’ll let you go home and rest. Okay?”
“I know, Heaven,” I whispered, “but I’m not very strong right now. I’m afraid if I sit down, I won’t be able to get up again and do what I have to do.”
“Yes, you will, son,” Ash said from the table. “Because we’re here to help you up and hold you up for as long as you need us. That’s why my other sons are around this table. To help their brother.”
I held Heaven a little bit tighter at his words and closed my eyes, swallowing around the lump that was still stuck in my throat. Heaven patted my back and then walked me to the table. I had no choice but to sit, so I slid my butt onto the chair and accepted the roll and coffee from Cece, who had come back into the room. She sat down beside me, and I glanced at her for a moment.
“Is Poppy out already?”
Cece chuckled while she buttered her cinnamon roll. “No, but Amity insisted she would be soon and made me leave.”
“She’s very bossy when it comes to her grandbabies,” Ash said, laughter in his voice. “Might as well not argue with her.”
Cece pointed at him with a smile on her face while she chewed her roll. Everyone was content to do the same, so I took a bite, the flavor reminding me of the first time I experienced cinnamon rolls from Midge’s. They were a little piece of heaven on earth. I moaned and cut off another piece, resting my head back on the chair as I chewed.
“A little balm for the soul, right?” Dawn asked as she refilled everyone’s coffee.
“I remember the first time I had one of these,” I said after I swallowed. “Heaven had brought them home from town, and not being a huge fan of sweets, I was going to pass, but she insisted I try them. They were life-changing.”
Heaven laughed from her spot at the table next to Blaze. “I knew they would be. It was my way of making sure you stuck around these parts. If you didn’t do it for the work, you’d do it for the cinnamon rolls.”
Her words were like a splash of cold water on that little bit of happiness I’d found. I pushed the roll forward and stared at it. Sitting there, it looked sad and depressed, with half of it missing and the cinnamon seeping out of the middle. That was a little bit like how I felt. My insides were seeping out the middle, and there was no way to patch it up because the rest of me was gone, eaten by an unforgiving world.
“I did do it for the work, though,” I said without making eye contact with anyone. Cece slid her hand over onto my knee under the table and squeezed it. She was the most beautiful part of this place, and I would never get over her when I left. Losing her and Poppy would make the little bit left inside me seep out until I was completely void.
“And now you can’t do the work anymore. At least not for some time,” Ash said from the end of the table.
“Not like I was doing it, no,” I said, shaking my head slightly.
“And we don’t expect you to,” Heaven said, her arm resting on the table now. “You know that, right?”
She was staring at me intently when I finally met her gaze, and what I saw in her eyes wasn’t pity. It was love. Empathy. Understanding. Pain.
“I’m the ranch foreman, Heaven. If I can’t do my job, then I’m useless here. I’ll help you find a replacement before I leave.”
“Leave?” Blaze asked, his mouth agape. “Uh, no, you’re not going anywhere.”
