Page 41 of Due North
I tried to smile, but I knew it looked more like a grimace because Cece stood up immediately. “As hard as it is to admit, I’m feeling kind of weak. Someone better take Poppy.”
Cece lifted her off my chest as my arms went slack. “I think it’s time to rest,” she said, looking at Blaze and Beau, who stood in tandem. “Help him to my room. He can stretch out on my bed until he’s strong enough to get home.”
I wanted to argue, but they were already dragging me down to the bedroom and helping me sit on the bed. I leaned back on the pillow, and Cece’s sweet scent filled my head. It was going to be pure bliss and pure hell, but I wasn’t going anywhere for a very long time.
I was home.
Thirteen
The house smelled of fresh sausage biscuits and spicy, rich coffee. I inhaled deeply as I tugged my boots off and set them on the mat. “Mmm, smells like Beau’s been cooking,” I said to the empty room. I grabbed a plate and helped myself to a biscuit, and then poured a cup of coffee.
I sat down to eat but was positive Dawn had to be around somewhere. I hadn’t seen her outside, so she was probably working in the office. When we built the new women’s bunkhouse to the left side of the house, Beau and Dawn made the four bedrooms upstairs their own space. They now have a sitting room, bedroom, full bathroom, office and an extra bedroom for themselves. The two bedrooms downstairs were converted into a room for Cece, and the second bedroom down here is our accessible bedroom and bathroom for any guest who may need it. Heavenly Lane sure had grown over the last couple of years, and my chest puffed up with pride at the idea that I had something to do with that.
“Well, look what the cat dragged in,” Dawn said, walking into the room. “You look good this morning, Caleb.”
“Thanks, Dawn,” I said after I swallowed. “Beau’s biscuits always start the day off right.”
She grabbed a cup of coffee and sat across from me at the big table. Had it only been two days since I last sat here?
“Yes,” Dawn said, and I glanced up to look at her.
“Yes?”
“Yes, it’s only been two days since you were here last.”
I rubbed my temple and smiled sheepishly. “You always could read me like a book,” I said with a shake of my head.
“That’s one of the things I love about you, Caleb. You are open to the atmosphere. I know that probably makes life harder for you, but for those of us around you, we never have to wonder what you’re thinking. Even when you thought you were hiding your problem, we all knew there was one.”
“In hindsight, I wasn’t hiding it well, and I knew I was in trouble. I should have told Cece or Nash, but …” I shrugged rather than finish that thought.
“But your pride wouldn’t let you.”
My head snapped up. “No, it wasn’t my pride. See, you don't have pride when you’re someone like me. Not the way you’re thinking.”
“I don’t understand, Caleb,” she admitted, swirling her cup around on the table.
“I mean that I have pride in the things I do, like this ranch. I was just sitting here thinking about how much it has grown in just the last few years. Thinking about everything we’ve done here since we thought we would have to close the place. That makes my chest puff up with pride, but I don’t have internal pride.” I dropped my head into my hand. “I’m not even making sense to myself.”
“I think you are,” Dawn finally said after a few moments. “Pride doesn’t get in your way the way it does for other people. Fear does.”
“Fear does?” I asked, and she nodded.
“Fear is what stopped you from telling someone. Not because of your pride because you aren’t made of the same thing the rest of us are. When you open yourself to everyone else’s emotions of worry and fear, it overwhelms you. That makes life harder, so you avoid talking about it to avoid that surge of emotion.”
My head bobbed, and a breath of air escaped my lips. “Yes, so much that,” I agreed. “It adds more stress when I’m already stressed to worry about other people’s stress.”
“Surprisingly, that sentence made sense,” she said, chuckling. “Are you feeling better now?”
I leaned back and sipped my coffee. “Other than not knowing what to do with all the time on my hands, I am. I slept most of yesterday just because the hospital never lets you. I’ve checked in with the hands, but since we don’t have guests, they don’t have much to worry about right now. I know they’re coming to fix the windows in the bunkhouse today, right?”
“Yes, Cece and Poppy are over there now. She’s making food for the hands that she can keep in the buffet warmers in the barn, so she’s out of their way while they’re working. She probably needs a hand.”
“I’ll send Tobi over when she’s ready.”
“I didn’t mean Tobi.” Her brow was raised when I glanced up at her.
“I can’t, Dawn, for so many reasons, the least of which is I could fall with her food and ruin it.”
