Page 46 of Due North
He leaned forward and rubbed his face, his hands trembling when he lowered them. “It feels wrong,” he whispered. “It feels like I’m betraying the ranch.”
“Because you aren’t sauntering around doing all the work?”
He shook his head and sighed. “No, because I can’t, and don’t want, to do the work anymore. Man,” he said, hanging his head, “that was hard to admit.”
“I’m glad you did.” I put my arm around him. “It was going to hold you hostage until you admitted it.”
“I suppose,” he agreed, his head coming up to lean back against the couch. “I’m tired, Cece, and I don’t mean physically.”
“You’re soul-weary.”
He nodded his head but didn’t say anything. The only sound was the snap and crackle of the wood in the stove. I rubbed his leg to let him know I was there and waited him out. I was confident whatever he had to say would change things around the ranch again.
When his eyes opened, they pinned me with such a vibrant brown I gasped but couldn’t tear my gaze away. Whatever he was thinking had electrified him. “Poppy has changed me.”
I slid my hand along his cheek and smiled. “I know. She profoundly changed you and probably not in a way I understand.”
“Now I don’t understand,” he said, somewhat anxiously.
The wine was going to my head and made it difficult to put what I meant into words. I gazed at him, his face relaxed from the wine and his hair messy from his hands running through it. I just wanted to kiss him, to share parts of me with him that I hadn’t shared with anyone in a long, long time.
“I see more than you think, Caleb, I know that the only things that make you happy now are the horses and Poppy Rose.”
“No,” he said, sitting forward and holding my face in his hands. “You. You, Cece. You’re the only reason I can find joy in the horses and Poppy Rose.”
He kissed me then, and his lips desperately sought understanding. I offered that to him and more. I offered myself, and what I hide from everyone else, to him and only him. When he pulled back, his chest was heaving as he gripped my waist, and the brown in his eyes was glossy and bold.
“I never understood why I was the way I was until you stepped foot on this ranch, Cecelia Douglas. I never have and will never again have tunnel vision the way I did when I first laid eyes on you. It wasn’t in a, she’s incredibly sexy and sweet, kind of way, either, but you are,” he added, as though I was going to be upset.
I rubbed my thumbs over his temples. “I understand. Keep going.”
“The kaleidoscope was there, right?” he asked, and I nodded. “It was a long tunnel, and at the end, red, pink, and white swirled into a wave that slowly worked backward toward me. It was slow and steady until it engulfed me, and then those colors swirled like a tornado through me. That was our moment of connection, even if you weren’t aware of it. That was the moment I knew I’d be with you or no one else.”
“Are you saying I’m your soulmate?” My words were filled with skepticism that he could hear too.
“That’s what some people call it, yes.”
“What do you call it, Caleb?”
He was quiet for the longest time, my cheek cupped in his hand and his thumb rubbing my cheek as he gazed into my eyes. “You’re my guiding light, Cece. All the good things I have in my life now are because of you. When I’m up on the ridge, all I can think about is getting back down safely to see you. When I’m making an important decision, I always think, what would Cece want me to do?”
“I see.” My words were soft and slow but not pointed. I wasn’t trying to make him feel bad. If he saw me as his guiding light and nothing more, I would be that for as long as he needed me. It would kill me slowly not to show him my love, but I would have to do it for him and Poppy. I couldn’t leave the ranch, but not because I needed the job. I could find a job cooking anywhere. What I needed was my family, and they were here, holding Poppy and me up every day. Without them, I would never be able to take care of her the way I do now. Poppy was my little girl. That meant putting my wants and needs aside to give her the best life I could.
“No,” he whispered, and my gaze drifted back to his.
“No?”
“No, you don’t see because I’m not saying this right. You are my soulmate, Cecelia Douglas, but you’re also my saving grace. You came into my life when the blue was ready to drown me. It was like the universe knew I was in desperate need of your white light every day just to stay afloat. Ash told me to find my direction, but I didn’t need to. I already knew where it was. I saw it every time I looked into your eyes. I’ve tried to hide it for two years, but I can’t pretend that I don’t love you anymore.”
As cliché as it was, my heart paused in my chest. “You love me?”
“Yes,” he whispered, taking my face in his hands again. “Since the day I laid eyes on this red hair and these plump lips. I’ve fought it for years, knowing it would only complicate life here on the ranch, but I’m too tired to keep doing that. I can’t pretend that I don’t need your love to keep me upright. I can’t pretend that I’m anyone without you. I know you don’t understand, but Cece, a ray of light connected us that day. I have a constant awareness of you that goes against science and common sense, but I still can’t deny that it’s there. I see it right now. When I couldn’t find you this fall, the ray went grey. I was terrified. I’ve never been that terrified, and you know what I’ve been through in the past. You might not feel the same way. That terrifies me too. What am I going to do if you don’t love me? If we aren’t connected this way because of love, then why?”
His words were desperate, and his voice was plaintive. He needed answers, but I could only give him one.
“Shh,” I whispered, wiping away a tear that had leaked from his eye. “We are connected by love, Caleb. I love you. I’ve loved you since day one, but I was too scared to tell you and risk losing this job. I was too afraid to risk a job but wasn’t afraid to risk my future. How screwed up is that?”
His lips tenderly brushed against mine. “I’m so relieved right now, Cece.” His heavy release of breath filled the room, and when I opened my eyes, I saw it.
