Page 49 of Due North
Her head tipped a moment before she shook it. “I would, but I can’t. I mean, I literally can’t.”
“At all?” I asked, and she shook her head.
I dropped Dolly’s reins and motioned Tobi over to a rodeo bull dummy to sit on while we talked. “Remember when we were talking about therapy horses?” I asked, and she nodded. “Well, I think Dolly would be perfect. Heaven rode her and didn’t have any problems, but she’s good at compensating for her balance by using her legs. I need someone who can’t balance well with their legs to ride her and tell me if they feel safe. As you can see, I have a modified saddle on her. The back has armrests that come down to brace you. I’ll also be right here to make sure you don’t fall.”
“I don’t know,” she said, nervously chewing on her lip. “If I fall, I might get hurt and not be able to work. They need me around here right now.”
“I understand that more than you know.”
Her laughter was sarcastic and gritty. “No, Caleb, you don’t understand.”
I stayed still and didn’t answer. Instead, I absorbed her frustration, anger, and pain like a sponge. I let it flow over and around me, grabbing it to keep it from rolling back onto her.
“No one understands,” she hissed. “No one. Not you. Not Nash. No one! Maybe Heaven. That’s fair,” she said, as though she were talking to herself instead of me. She growled on her way past me to grab Dolly’s reins. “I’ll ride your damn horse, but I’m not taking the braces off. You clearly don’t understand how they work!”
Her anger was intense now, and it hit me like a fist, so I took a step back just as she stuck her foot in the stirrup and hoisted herself onto the horse. She didn’t account for the height of the added backrest and her boot hooked on it.
“Tobi,” I yelled, rushing forward, but by the time I got to her, she was on the ground, staring up at me in shock. Her eyes blinked, and her mouth moved, but no words came out. I knelt next to her and held her shoulder down. “Don’t move.”
“I’m okay,” she finally said, her voice breathy. “Just knocked the wind out of me.” She sat up and brushed off her hands. “The good news is the sand does its job and keeps people from getting hurt.”
I hauled her up and then wrapped my arms around her shoulders in a hug. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you or for you to get hurt. That wasn’t my intention.”
“I know,” she whispered, her arms at her side. “I’m just frustrated.”
“I can feel that rolling off you in waves, Tobi. When I used to feel that way, my mother would say, life is hard, but it’s always worth it. I hated her for it, but now I realize she was right.”
I stepped back and held her shoulders, meeting her gaze again. I saw all the frustration she went through daily. I also saw other things hiding behind those eyes. There was so much more she wasn’t telling the world about what’s happened to her.
“I sure hope so,” she finally said. “I would hate to think I’ve gone through all of this for nothing.”
I used her shoulders to pivot her onto a bull dummy to sit. “Take a minute to get your breath back before you try to walk. When we’re done here, I’m sending you home. You need a break.”
“Maybe,” she agreed. “I’ve been putting in a lot of hours.”
“I know, and that’s my fault. I rely on you as my top hand because you’re always so capable. Since I’m hoping you’ll help me start a horse therapy school, I don’t want you to burn out.”
“A horse therapy school? I’ve always dreamed about being involved in something like that, but it was just a dream.” Her shrug and the way she hid her hands under her armpits told me more than her words did. “That’s why I got a second degree in equine-assisted therapy.”
“I know, so what if I had a way to make it a reality?” I asked, taking her hands down and opening her aura up again. “We can make your dream a reality if we work together.”
There was a spark of light in her eye that told me I’d caught her attention. “I would say I’m listening.”
I stood and helped her up, keeping my arm around her waist until I knew she was steady on her feet. “I can do one better. I can show you. Should we take Dolly back to the barn and head to my cabin? I have something to show you that will change your life. Only then will you be able to decide if you’re ready to commit to a partnership with me.”
A smile lifted her lips upward, and if I had to guess, I would say it was a smile of pure excitement. “I’m ready and willing.”
I helped her through the sand with my arm around her waist and then jogged back for Dolly. Now was my chance to find my due north with work, and I needed her help to do it, so all I could do was pray that what I had to say was in a language she understood.
Oh, I just bet she’s ready and willing!
Ugh, those words had been running through my head for the last four hours. The two of them with their arms wrapped around each other in a lover’s embrace. What was all that garbage he’d fed me about being his soulmate? The better question was, why was I so naïve that I fell for it?
A sob stuck in my chest, and I held my breath until it passed. I wished like hell I hadn’t trusted him with my heart or Poppy’s. Now they were both going to be shattered. The worst part was, I had no way to explain to Poppy why her Ba was not part of our life anymore.
I started to shake when the realization hit me. I was going to have to leave the ranch. Just like I knew would happen! I would have to leave all these remarkable people because working here and not being part of his life would be too hard. Living here and watching him make a life with another woman would be impossible.
I didn’t understand, and there was no way Poppy would either. She would see him and want to be with him but couldn’t be. The idea was almost too much to bear. Watching her little face crumble when he walked by and didn’t take her with him would be nothing but torture.
