Page 66 of Levi
“I know I’m speaking German when I say this, but when you meet the right woman, you welcome intimacy,” I affirm. “In fact, you crave it.”
“You’re right, youarespeaking German,” Rod mocks. “And it turns out, I don’t understand a word of German. Thank God for that.” He’s being facetious.
“Fucker.”
He grins.
“So, what are you saying? You want more with Jules?”
“Like I said, I’m torn.” I let out a long sigh. “I told her I avoid relationships, and although she didn’t say anything, everything between us shifted afterwards. By the time I was ready to drive her back to her place, it was tense and awkward between us.” I rake my hand through my hair. “The hurt in Jules’s voice when she wished me a good night, stabbed into me.” I pause. “I really like this woman, but fuck, I’m not equipped to give her more. Annmarie’s death broke that part of me.” Another pause, followed by a long sigh. Rod doesn’t press me. “Nothing in life is guaranteed, but I can't go down the road of getting close to someone and then losing them.”
“Levi, now it’s my turn to speak German,” he starts with a light chuckle. “I can’t spell the word relationshipwiththe help of a good old-fashioned dictionaryandGoogle. Heck, I wouldn’t be able to spell the word with a gun pointed to my head. It’s just not in my DNA. That said, you’re wired differently. Jesus, you were willing to put a noose around your neck at twenty-two. I’d rather jump off a tall building before I let that happen to me—”
“Your point, Wolfe?”
“If you’re torn about this girl because you’re undecided about wanting to take it further, that’s one thing, and entirely your prerogative. But if you’re torn about Jules because you’re afraid the second you get close to her, she’ll be taken away from you, that’s different.” He pauses. “Granted, I never met your mom, but I knew Annmarie.” Another pause. His brown eyes study me intently. “Levi, neither of them would want you to avoid relationships for the rest of your life because of their tragic death.”
And just like that, he exposes my biggest fear.
