Page 36 of How to Stake a Vampire
I stared, nonplussed. “What cats?”
Detective Johnson made a face. “Yeah, about that.”
12
HERDING CATS
“I can’t believeI’m being made to work,” Pearl sneered where she sat regally on Victoria’s lap.
“It’s about time you started earning your keep,” Samuel said coldly as he pulled up to Lord Chudwell’s estate for the second time in as many days. “That gourmet food you inhale regularly doesn’t pay for itself.”
“There’s no need to be unpleasant, Samuel,” Victoria protested. “You know Pearl is the glue holding our family together.”
Pearl looked briefly ambivalent about being compared to something that used to be made from horses’ hooves.
“Yeah,” Bo said beside me, his tail thumping against the car door in solidarity with the cat. “It’s not Pearl’s fault she acts like a stuck-up queen. She was born that way.”
Pearl narrowed her eyes dangerously at my dog.
“How about everyone calm down?” I sighed.
It wasn’t even nine o’clock yet and I could already feel a headache brewing.
The previous evening had ended in a complete disaster.
Lord Chudwell’s three Persian cats had taken one look at our investigative team and decided we were beneath their notice.They’d spent the entire twenty minutes of our attempt at an interview perched on their velvet chaise longue, occasionally deigning to sniff dismissively in our direction in a way that made it clear that speaking to mere mortals was a grave insult to their aristocratic sensibilities. Doubly so if said mortals were of common stock.
Rita had tried hard to hold her laughter back at this unexpected development, but being a banshee made this difficult and the halls of the mansion had echoed with shrill cackling for some time, much to Betsy’s and Quincy’s dismay. Even Detective Johnson had been unable to hide a satisfied smile at the fact we got the same treatment as him.
“They actually turned their backs on us,” Gavin had complained afterward. “All three of them. Inunison.” The dragon newt’s nostrils had smoked indignantly.
“Like a synchronized swimming team,” Bo had added glumly. “But with more attitude. And claws.” My dog’s attempts at interspecies diplomacy had fallen flat and almost earned him a deadly nose boop.
“I’ve interviewed hostile witnesses before, but never ones who literally presented me with their rear ends,” Didi had muttered darkly.
The cats had remained stubbornly silent throughout our visit, communicating only through tail swishes and the odd disdainful meow. Which was why we were now back at the estate, armed with Pearl and what we hoped was a foolproof plan.
Didi, Barney, and Gavin were waiting for us in the foyer, along with Detective Johnson. They stiffened a little at the sight of Victoria and Pearl. Polite greetings were exchanged, after which my coworkers and the detective breathed a sigh of relief.
Betsy appeared. The housekeeper’s gray skin had taken on a slightly green tinge, which I was learning was the ghoul equivalent of breaking out in hives.
“Their Ladyships are being particularly difficult this morning,” she said anxiously. “Ever since they heard you were bringing—reinforcements.” She shot a nervous glance at Pearl.
Pearl was surveying the mansion with the air of someone conducting a property inspection.
“I’m sure Pearl will manage them just fine,” Victoria reassured.
“You and me both, lady,” Detective Johnson said under his breath. “I don’t want to write another report about uncooperative feline witnesses.”
“I’m telling you, Fur Ball,” Bo whined at Pearl, “these cats are very snooty.”
“No one in New England is snootier than I,” Pearl declared haughtily.
“She has a point,” I said solemnly.
Pearl’s eyes shrank to slits.
Quincy the vampire butler emerged from a hallway before things could deteriorate into an all-out cat fight. “Their Ladyships are ready to receive you in the blue drawing room,” he announced in a hushed voice. He hesitated. “I’ve prepared some fresh salmon, just in case.”
