Page 41 of Call Out
I killed him.
My car collided with the embankment, rolled repeatedly and mangled his unsecured body like a rag doll. The coroner’s report was quite specific. Multiple contusions. Broken neck. Brain trauma. He was dead before the paramedics arrived on the scene. I have no recollection of the blue lights or helping hands. Apparently, Jeff and I lay together in the wreckage until the police arrived.
When Zoe reappeared, she triggered the ghastly nightmares all over again. Going home fucked up my rigid daily structure. Returning to Richmond, to my teenage bedroom, to the life I desperately wanted to leave behind, brought back years of choking anguish.
It’s not an act I can easily forget, more of an oppressive storm I have to weather without shelter. I’m shackled to guilt, anger and misfortune. Haunted daily until the day I meet my best friend again. We’ll cross paths. Him in Heaven and me in the elevator to Hell.
My stomach twists just thinking about it. What a conversation that will be. I doubt an apology can make up for stealing his life.
Without fail, Zoe drags his skeleton out of the car wreck, reminding me of the decision I made that night, pinning me under the weight of blame. It’s like an unhealthy obsession she loves to smother me in.
Days later and I’m a fraying mess, all because I met a beautiful woman. Not just any woman. I found purity in a simple kiss. Beauty in her innocence. An instant affinity within the echoes of her heartbeat. To lose Viv would be like burying my soul for the last time. Which is why I’m so fucking scared to tell her I’m a monster. The deeper I’ve fallen, the harder it is to offer her that side of me.
Viv’s a smart girl. She knows there’s a mystery to uncover. I’ve tried to unleash the truth, and every time, something comes up. It’s like the universe is warning me to stay quiet. I’ve strategically positioned her in my life as a permanent fixture. As my girlfriend. It was never casual. Not for me. Whether that means she’ll stick with me is anyone’s guess. What I do know is, I can’t run from this burden any longer.
It’s all or nothing. Love the man and his demons or walk away. Living life in the rear-view mirror is exhausting. I’m always looking back. My life is on hold—waiting for the past to abolish the future.
When I pull up in front of her house, she’s waiting for me on the porch. Long locks are curled, tumbling down her spine. She’s wearing a figure hugging black dress, nipped in at the waist with a red belt and the hem finishing an inch above her knees. It’s raunchier than normal, with her usual black nylons adding to the appeal. Turning to face me, I’m moonstruck by the halo of apricot sun cocooning her lithe body.
I drag off my helmet, watching her sultry smile and swaying hips as she struts down the path towards me. Sassiness pulls her shoulders back, and thin heels click on the paving stones. She carries a plate of iced cakes covered in plastic wrap.
“Hey.” My voice is husky and thick because bold red lips pout and hazel eyes dance all over me.
“Hey yourself.” She stops short, pausing a step away. Viv displays the plate on one palm, waving it to the side as she cocks the opposite hip. “I thought I’d bring something sweet.”
Without waiting for an invitation, I lurch forward and secure her nape. She sucks in sharply. A muted whimper lets me know she’s ready for me. “Careful, or you’ll squish my cupcakes.”
“How about we go inside where I’ll happily squish your cupcakes. Let’s forget about going out,” I whisper into the side of her cheek, running my nostrils along the curve of her jaw. Silky skin is laced with sugary sweetness. When I flick my tongue over her earlobe, she literally trembles.
“No,” she protests with a feeble sigh. “They’re waiting for us. I’d never pull out of a commitment at the last minute. It’s bad manners.” Her hands curl around my jacket, and she ever so slowly nudges her hips into my groin. “We’ve got all night, stud.”
I chuckle into her neck, inhaling every single base note of her intoxicating scent. “Stud. I like that one.”
“You can keep it.”
“Can I keep you?”
“That’s the point of having a girlfriend, silly.” She swats my shoulder. “Finders keepers.”
“Do you want to keep me?” My lips skate over hers.
Lashes blink, tickling my cheeks when her mouth angles to the side of my face. “I have no intention of letting you slip away, stud.”
If I don’t pull myself together, I’ll fuck her on the lawn and give the neighbors a show. “Let’s go. The sooner we arrive, the quicker we can leave.”
Without speaking, she slides her hand into the crook of my arm and stares up at me.
“After you.” I wave a hand in the pavement's direction. “It’s not far.”
“How long have you known Johnny?” she asks.
“He’s the first guy I met when I started at Sunnyville General. We’ve been partnered up for months.”
She digs her fingers into my arm, tightening the hold she has on me. It feels good. We pass family homes with kids’ toys strewn over freshly cut grass, SUV’s big enough to transport a football team and picket fences to keep in family pets.
It’s a type of normal I never dreamed of, because I’ve never allowed myself to want it. I’d more or less given up on the prospect of being happily married. It’s not a plan I aimed for. Having a family chills my heart. It crushes me with fear—an incomprehensible dread of losing more people I care about.
Her ankle wobbles. “Perhaps I should’ve worn running shoes.”
