Page 51 of Call Out
I shake my head, shoving the photo into my jeans pocket. “Where did you get it?”
“Who is she?” Viv counters.
I do my best to stay calm, inhaling deeply while my heart prepares to throw itself over a cliff. “We need to talk in private. Not on the doorstep.”
“Not tonight. Come back when it’s bright outside.”
“When it’s bright? What the fuck, Viv. I’m here now.” I press my hand to the door and push. “Let me in.”
“No.”
I reach in to touch her face. Instantly she flinches. My muscles lock. “Vivian, open the damn door. It’s me, for fuck’s sake. I won’t hurt you.”
“I know it’s you, but who areyou?” Her voice lowers to a strained whisper. “Who is the real Danny Rocco.”
A sharp pain jabs my ribs and a snarl of bracing anger roars from my throat. “Do you honestly think I’d hurt you? This is bullshit! I’m the same guy I was yesterday when we made love.”
“What about the internet headline from the media site, Richmond First Look? Are you the Danny Rocco who was arrested for killing his best friend?”
Every living cell in my body turns ice cold. “That fucking bitch.” I bare my teeth. “Did she come here?”
Viv lowers her lashes. I slam my hands to my skull and silently count down from ten. A suppressed mewl comes from behind the door. She’s fucking crying because of me, because of this, because of Zoe’s corrupted antics.
“I’m coming in whether you want me to or not.” My body slams into hard wood, and I use my shoulder to push inwards. Viv stumbles backwards with a look of pure fear flashing in her eyes. I don’t know what threatens my hope for a future with this woman the most—the fact she’s rejecting me, or she thinks I’m capable of causing her harm.
“We need to talk without a barrier in the way.” My nostrils flare as I rein in the hurt.
“No, Danny, stop. You’re scaring me.” Viv holds up her hands and almost bows down, begging for mercy. Christ. This is fucking hell.
Her robe bellows as she he darts, out of sight. I close the door behind me, mustering a calmness for the tumultuous storm ripping up my life. “How did you get that photograph?” I ask, pressing my back to the door. Silence eats up my anger. She’s scared because she knows what I did. Sickness burns in the pit of my stomach. “Let me explain.”
“I don’t know what to think, Danny.” Her voice is so small it makes my chest implode. “You killed a man, didn’t you? It’s all so—shocking.”
I stare up at the ceiling, fighting for strength. I never wanted to invite her into this shitshow. Not in the beginning. The plan changed. She should have found out on my terms, when love was powerful enough to forgive mistakes.
Tiredness weakens my knees. My spine aligns with the wall, and I slide down to sitting, stretching my legs out at the front. “Jeff and I were inseparable.” A cloak of memories builds over me like a heavy rain cloud. “We did everything together. Where he went, I followed and where I went, he was right beside me. We both loved playing football and always had a date on the weekend because if you date me, your girlfriend dates my buddy, and vice versa.” I almost laugh. “That’s just how it was. We were the perfect team.” I sigh heavily, picturing his goofy fucking smile. “Then we went to college, and he met Zoe. She came from a broken home. Her dad beat her mom until he left them with nothing. Zoe partied more than she went to lectures. Jeff got caught up in her spell. Was I jealous?” I shrug to myself. “Never. She was trouble, and I had to work my ass off to keep my football scholarship. I experimented with the cheerleaders when it suited, while my buddy got deeper into Zoe. She continued to fuck around behind his back.”
Viv peeks her head past the doorframe, her eyes bloodshot, the corners of her mouth down turned.
“They had another big fight. The usual shit. She’d cheated one too many times, and Jeff turned nasty. The guy was drunk, which brought out his hotheadedness. I dragged him out of the bar. He didn't want to leave. I swear, Viv, it was my intention to drive him home. He was my best friend. I hated Zoe for giving him the runaround again. It didn’t matter what I thought, because Jeff loved her. He argued with me because I was driving in the opposite direction of where he wanted to be. I wouldn’t turn back when he asked me to. He yanked the steering wheel in the heat of the moment, and the car slammed into a tree.” My voice swaps out melancholy for distemper. “He wasn’t wearing a seatbelt. They arrested me for death by reckless driving.”
Viv’s shoulder blades bump the wall and she slowly lowers to her haunches. “Did you go to prison?” Her knees tuck into her chest, settling on the floor in a sitting position. The flustered flush drains from her cheeks.
I pinch the bridge of my nose, letting the final moments return. “Before he grabbed the wheel, Jeff called Zoe’s phone. It connected to her voicemail while we wrestled. The last few minutes of my best friend's life were recorded as a harrowing voice message.”
My blood combusts, ironically, all the words I want to say next ice over. A powdery smog of regret haunts the air. I yank the neck of my t-shirt, wishing I could be free of this burden once and for all. The last conversation I had with Jeff was a pointless argument. Years of a solid friendship simmered to an ugly residue. In the end, we fought. An incensed battle of wills. A knee jerk reaction with an outcome so final it’s become eternal.
“They locked me up in a holding cell when I was given the all clear from the doctor. No sign of intoxication or substance abuse,” I repeat the very statement given to the officer who escorted me out of the hospital in handcuffs. “I got off lightly. A minor head injury. Zoe turned in her cell phone to the police department. She was the only one who could prove what really happened,” I continue, keeping my gaze on my boots. “Not that it mattered. He still died.”
“Oh, Danny.” She sniffs. “It was an accident. You didn’t do it on purpose. You’re not a cold-blooded killer.”
That’s where she’s wrong. I don’t deserve pity, nor do I want it. For eight years I’ve lived in the shadow of consequences. Over time the cruel whispers stopped. The blame lessened in significance, and the memory of his existence faded from our town. He became the unfortunate guy they all forgot––because of me.
“I was driving, Viv. It was my bad decision to keep going. You know it, and I know it—I killed him.” I rub my temples like I’m rewinding the incident back to the moment I dragged him out of the bar. “I erased a life,” I challenge. The sharp edge to my voice slices into her benevolence.
“I’ll rephrase it then, shall I?” Viv’s chin hitches higher with regal poise. Any notion of pity evaporates, and her features tighten to stern. “You didn’t set out to do it. It wasn’t premeditated. We can debate the semantics. You can beat yourself up about it all day long. However, from where I’m sitting, it was an unfortunate accident, and your friend was reckless. He risked his own life by grabbing the wheel of a moving vehicle. He risked both of your lives. You could have died too. Don’t you see that?”
Her statement blends with the lullaby cadence of my counselor. Both of them are free from a mistake of such magnitude. Neither of them will truly understand. Frustration spreads across my chest and creeps into my tense muscles.
