Page 2 of Perfect Happiness
This was his first time coming to the countryside cabin.It was also Jiyoo’s first time seeing him since he left.She didn’t know why it was Father had left.All she remembered from that day were a few dream-like fragments of foggy memory.But Jiyoo’s motherdidtell Jiyoo why they were getting a divorce: because Father was a “scoundrel.”
Last night before Jiyoo fell asleep, Father whispered something in her ear.
“Daddy’s not going today.I’ll be sleeping downstairs.”In a sleepy voice he added, “Let’s go to the Half Moon Marsh at dawn.”
Jiyoo fell asleep quickly.She had thought she would have a hard time falling asleep because of her excitement, but she didn’t.Jiyoo could hear a loon cry in her dreams.It sounded like it was coming from the attic.But when she went to the attic, the sound moved downstairs.And when she went downstairs, it moved to the bathroom.Jiyoo ran to the bathroom, but as soon as she opened the door, the floor beneath her feet collapsed and she fell into an endless pit of darkness.
Jiyoo woke, her legs straight and stiff.Looking out the window, she could see a full moon.The large crimson ball hung in the sky just above the Half Moon Marsh.
“It’s okay.It was just a dream.A dream that’ll disappear when you wake up in the morning.”
Jiyoo thought she could hear Mother’s voice coming from somewhere.
“Just close your eyes.”
Jiyoo closed her eyes.To wake up, she first needed to fall asleep again.
When she opened her eyes again, dawn was just breaking.Amidst the faint blue light of the early morning sky, there was the fishy smell of meat—faint, but unmistakable to Jiyoo.Mother must be preparing duck feed, she thought to herself.She must be teaching Father her secret recipe.If that was true, they must have made up last night.That’s definitely what happened.
Jiyoo hopped out of bed.She ran out of her room without changing out of her long underwear and without making her bed—two things Mother wouldn’t approve of.But Jiyoo was in such a hurry she forgot about this.She wanted to make sure that last night’s dream had disappeared.
*
When Jiyoo reached the landing, her feet refused to move any further.Now that she was halfway down the stairs, things had gotten so dark that she couldn’t see any farther down the stairs.It felt like a deep ravine was lurking beneath her next step.The air was cold, and Jiyoo could hear the whirring of a machine coming from deep in the darkness.Jiyoo looked back up the stairs at the faint blue light shining out of the wide-open door she had just sprinted out of.
Should I go back to my room?Should I be a good girl and lie in bed until Mother calls me?
Shaking violently in the darkness, Jiyoo tried to figure out what was happening downstairs.
The kitchen was directly at the base of the stairs.Because it didn’t have any windows, the kitchen turned pitch black if you turned off the lights, even during the day.The fact that the lights were off told Jiyoo that Mother was not in the kitchen.It also meant that the door between the kitchen and the living room would be locked.The whirring sound was probably the sound of the overhead fan.Mother always turned on the overhead fan when boiling meat.She and Father must be in the living room.All Jiyoo needed to do was check.All she needed to do was make sure her dream wasn’t real.
Jiyoo descended the stairs feeling the edges of each step with her toes.As expected, the gas stove was on.Jiyoo could make out the faint image of two pots placed atop blue flames.She walked toward the door to the living room, which was also shut, as she thought it would be.It was exactly ten steps from the bottom of the stairs.
The countryside cabin was a house of twos.Two stories, two bedrooms and bathrooms split between the first and second floors, and two doors in and out of the house, one next to the bathroom, and one near the kitchen.
The layout of the house was a bit different from most.Coming in through the front door, you were immediately met with a long and narrow island-turned-dining table, in front of which was the kitchen.Across from that was the door to the living room.In the living room was the door to the bedroom, which was placed directly opposite the door from the kitchen.Inside the bedroom, again placed directly opposite the door, was a large window.Seen from this perspective, the house was like a tunnel, running through the center of which was a series of three doors and one window.
Most days, Mother left both interior doors open.Jiyoo would sit on the kitchen-side of the table, where she would stare directly at the window in the bedroom.She liked looking into the kitchen from outside the bedroom window.From there, she could spy on what Mother was doing without her knowing.
On the other hand, when all the doors were shut, Jiyoo felt uneasy.She felt both sad and ashamed, like Mother had locked her out.Sometimes, Jiyoo would hover in front of the living room door, trying to figure out what she’d done wrong.Right now, as she stood outside the living room, was one of those times.All she could do was dither in front of that closed door.
I could knock or call out to Mother or open the door slightly.But wouldn’t that anger her?
Jiyoo brought her ear close to the door.She could hear the whirring coming from the other side.It was like the overhead fan, but louder and harsher.Perhaps a vacuum cleaner?If it was, it had to mean Mother was cleaning.And that would mean she and Father were both awake.But this didn’t necessarily mean it was okay for Jiyoo to go in.
There were many rules to follow when Jiyoo was with Mother.It was against the rules to open a closed door without permission.That was true whether Father was around or not.But despite knowing this, Jiyoo still wanted to open the door.She wanted to know that last night’s dream was over.She wanted to see with her own eyes that nothing was wrong, that nothing had changed from yesterday.
Jiyoo first tried knocking.When there was no answer, she opened the door slightly and put her eye up to the crack.Her heart dropped suddenly.The living room was pitch black.The whirring seemed to be coming from the direction of the sofa.But Jiyoo couldn’t hear anyone.She whispered into the dark.
“Mother?”
Jiyoo’s voice was swallowed up by the loud whirring.She couldn’t even hear her own voice.It felt like she was only moving her lips.She called out again, this time in a louder voice.
“May I come in?”
Jiyoo thought she heard someone say, “Come in,” but it could have been her imagination.She placed one foot in the living room, then called out again.
“Should I turn on the light?”
