Page 41 of Perfect Happiness
Jane stepped into the room.She turned Jiyoo around to lay her on her back.It was then that Jane felt something under her foot.She picked it up and discovered it was a doll.It was a finger puppet, to be exact, with the word “Dad” written on its chest.It looked familiar.Where have I seen this before?At that moment, a memory emerged from the dark recesses of Jane’s mind, sucking the air out of her lungs.
Jane ran from the memory by running out of the room.She went over to the couch and sat down, only to realize she hadn’t escaped.The puppet, which she meant to leave behind, was still being squeezed to death in her hand.Jane could feel light emitting from the puppet and passing through the blood vessels in her hand.In the end, she couldn’t run from the memory.She was dragged by the scruff of her neck back to the summer when she was seven, when the silk tree in the front yard was blossoming with inflorescences of deep magenta.
That spring, Jane’s mom was diagnosed with end stage renal disease.It struck their family without warning, like a bolt of lightning.Later, Jane learned that the underlying cause of the disease was a tumor that had appeared on her mom’s adrenal gland.Her condition worsened before their eyes, and their only option was a kidney transplant.
It was fortunate that Mom had an identical twin who was willing to give up one of her kidneys.The preparations before the surgery were long and complicated.Jane’s aunt, who was to donate one of her kidneys, made sure she stayed in good health, and Mom received daily dialysis treatments.
Their dad had just gotten out of the military and was starting his own business.Jane was in first grade at the time, and Yuna was in kindergarten.There couldn’t be worse timing.With two young daughters, a new business, and their mom’s illness, the fate of the family was resting on a knife-edge.
Between work, caring for their mom, looking after two girls, and house chores, Jane’s dad was the busiest man in the world, not a moment of free time.They were too poor to afford a helper, and there was no one they could ask for help.Jane’s grandmother on her mother’s side was dead, and her grandmother on her father’s side had just moved to a village in Woohyeri, Gapyeong.They were returning to the home village of their grandfather, who had just suffered a stroke and was having trouble walking.To make things worse, their dad was an only son, meaning there were no aunts or uncles to help.
Perhaps that was why Jane’s grandmother on her father’s side eventually offered to look after one of the girls.The catch was that the daughter they chose would have to live with the grandparents in Woohyeri.Their father picked Yuna, and their mother agreed.They didn’t have any choice; Woohyeri was a small town, and there wasn’t any elementary school for Jane to attend within walking distance.
In their dad’s opinion, however, Jane, who was the oldest, would have been easier to handle.She was seven already, and could look after herself.Their grandma would only have to worry about washing her, feeding her, and helping with homework.Not to mention the fact that Jane was old enough to help with chores.
But it didn’t matter because Jane’s schooling came first.So, it had to be Yuna.Yuna didn’t understand why she had to go, nor did she go quietly.On the day she left, she clung onto their mom and begged not to be sent away.“Why are you sendingme?”“Send Jane.”“Why does Dad hate me?”“Grandma’s house is full of bugs.”“I’d rather die than live in the country!”
Jane thought for sure that they would bring Yuna back by winter.All she had to do was wait, and winter would solve everything.But winter solved nothing.In fact, that winter only taught Jane two painful truths: tomorrow never comes in the way you expect it to, and just because you wish desperately for something doesn’t mean it will happen.Yuna didn’t come back that winter, nor did she come back the following spring.
During Yuna’s absence, the house existed in a dark, quiet shadow.Jane’s mom took longer than expected to recover from the surgery.She suffered from dermatitis and had to take immunosuppressants to help her immune system accept the new kidney.Her mom also fell into a deep depression after their aunt, who had already made a full recovery, left for Russia.She talked less, lost weight, and avoided contact with other people.Sometimes, she would spend hours in Yuna’s empty bedroom, not saying a word.She would just stare into Yuna’s picture and cry silently to herself, streams of tears rolling down her cheeks.
She became terrifyingly cold-hearted to Jane.She didn’t welcome her when she came home from school.And she was irritated by everything Jane did.When Jane watched TV, she would tell her to turn if off without reason; when Jane asked her a question, she would tell her to shut up; when Jane tried to help her around the house, she would swat Jane’s hand away; when Jane asked how she was feeling, she would tell her to mind her own business and focus on her chores.
During those long days, Jane learned a lot.She learned how to move without being noticed by Mom, how to behave herself, how to hold her tongue, how not to cry when she felt humiliated, how to read the look on her mom’s face, and she learned that she had to be a good girl to survive in their house.
Jane avoided any situation that would result in her and Mom being alone together.After school, she stayed at the playground or a friend’s house until it was time for dinner.When she had nowhere to go or play, she would crouch beneath the silk tree in the front yard and wait for her dad to come home.Going inside the house without her dad was like stepping into a dark, scary tunnel.Jane would rather die than face her mother alone.And the hardest thing in the world was pretending not to hate something that you loathed.
Jane’s dad went to her grandma’s house in Woohyeri every weekend.And he would always take Jane instead of their mom.When Jane asked why Mom didn’t come, he said it was because it would ruin her.This had two meanings.Literally, she was too weak to get into Dad’s company truck and travel all the way to Grandma’s house.The other meaning was that she couldn’t emotionally handle seeing Yuna.
Yuna was always waiting for them, everything packed and ready to go.Some days, she would be standing in front of the gate dressed in her kindergarten uniform and a school bag over her shoulder.When Dad got out of the truck, Yuna would throw a tantrum, blocking the gate and telling him not to go inside.She wanted him to put her in the car and take her straight home to Incheon.
She always made a scene, even though she knew she wouldn’t be going home.She would throw Dad’s presents on the ground, whine about why he came if he wasn’t going to take her home, and kick and scream as she rolled about on the floor.When it was time to go, she would change her behavior suddenly and cling to Dad’s legs.
“Daddy, take me with you.I don’t want to go back to the storage room.”
When Dad asked what she meant by this, Grandma would pry Yuna off him and answer for her.
“Go.Don’t mind her.She’ll be back to normal in no time.”
After they got home, Dad called Grandma to ask how Yuna was doing, but Grandma always told him the same thing.
“Don’t worry.Your father and I will take her to the Half Moon Marsh to play.”
Mom had no idea what unfolded whenever they visited Grandma’s.Dad did a good job of hiding it.He probably didn’t want to worry her.And, of course, Jane couldn’t say anything.Especially not about what happened that one day.
It was a day in February, several months into Yuna’s stay at Grandma’s.It was Spring vacation for Jane, and Father was finally going to bring Yuna home.Jane didn’t remember the exact date, but she knew it wasn’t a weekend, as Yuna wasn’t waiting in front of the gate for them when they arrived.
Yuna and Grandpa had gone out to the Half Moon Marsh.According to Grandma, Yuna was unaware that Father was coming to take her home that day.Grandma hadn’t told her, in case plans suddenly changed.
“They’ll be back before lunch.She can pack her things after we eat.”
The three of them went their separate ways: Grandma to the kitchen, Dad to the bathroom, and Jane upstairs.Jane had been to Grandma’s house countless times before, but she had never been inside Yuna’s room—Yuna had never offered to show her.But today was Yuna’s last day, so Jane figured it would be okay to look.She wanted to know if she could see the Half Moon Marsh from Yuna’s large bedroom window, something she had always wondered about when looking up at the window from the front yard.
There were three rooms on the second floor.Opening the door to the right, Jane found what looked like a storage room.The room in the middle was Yuna’s room.As Jane opened the door and went inside, she forgot all about the Half Moon Marsh.Jane couldn’t believe her eyes.It looked just like she was back in Incheon.Aside from the large window, everything was identical to Yuna’s room back home.Butterfly-decorated lace curtains, white bed sheets on a white bedframe, a pale pink canopy, lights in the shape of cosmos flowers, a vanity desk with a round mirror, large dolls lining the shelves, a wardrobe with a blue roof.
Jane knew immediately who had decorated the room for her.It wasn’t Grandma because she had no idea what Yuna’s room in Incheon looked like.There was only one person who could decorate the room like this, and that was their dad.He had either had the furniture delivered here or brought it here himself.
Jane walked over to the window.Strange little things were placed on the windowsill, which was as wide as a bench.Five tiny tables and five chairs that had long poles for back rests.On each pole was a finger puppet that could move its mouth.Each had a name tag on its chest.Dad, Mom, Yuna, Baby.
