Page 55 of Perfect Happiness
To feed the ducks, of course.Why else would she take the wheelbarrow?
Mischievous Mouse asked another question, this time sarcastically.
At night?By herself?Couldn’t she wait until morning?
Jiyoo didn’t have an answer.Now that she thought about it, Mother had prepared the duck feed on her own.She told Jiyoo not to come down from upstairs.This had never happened before.Shealwayslet Jiyoo watch her make the feed.She called Jiyoo her little assistant and gave her all sorts of chores and tasks.And if Jiyoo had a question, Mother would answer her kindly.When she was in a good mood, that was.
Mischievous Mouse asked another question.
Did Mother see you sitting on the windowsill?
She must have.At first, she thought Mother hadn’t seen her.But then Mother shined a light on Jiyoo’s window, and there was no doubt that she had seen Jiyoo.As soon as their eyes met, Jiyoo let out a yelp.She bent her body backwards as though she had been stabbed by something sharp.This caused her to fall to the ground.The back of her head hit the floor with a loud thud.As she lay there, she could hear the front door opening.
Frightened, Jiyoo jumped into bed.She didn’t even have the time to feel the pain in the back of her head.She hid Dad Puppet under her pillow, pulled the sheets up to her armpits, and closed her eyes.She listened carefully to the sounds coming from downstairs.The sound of Mother going into the bathroom, the sound of the shower running, the sound of her coming out of the bathroom and going into the bedroom.
Mother didn’t come back out of her room after that.She didn’t eat, either.Morning came and went.There was a rainstorm that afternoon.And then evening came.But Mother stayed in her room sleeping.Jiyoo spent all day sitting at the windowsill and playing with Dad Puppet.She didn’t even go downstairs.
Actually, she did go to the kitchen just once when she was hungry.But the fridge was completely empty.There wasn’t a single apple or egg.Jiyoo climbed onto the kitchen sink and opened the cupboards.Nothing.There were only two things for her to eat.The yellowing rice in the rice cooker and the hardened goulash that had been left out.
Where did all the juice, cheese, and bread go?Did Mother throw them away?Or did she eat all of them herself?
Jiyoo felt her stomach burn with hunger.She had no choice but to dish some rice onto a plate.She poured a ladleful of gelatinous goulash onto the rice and tiptoed back upstairs.Perched on the windowsill, she ate all her food.She placed the empty bowl on the windowsill.She did this because she didn’t want to go downstairs and risk running into Mother.If she saw Mother right now, she wouldn’t be able to look her in the eye.
Mother’s hibernation continued into the next day.Jiyoo decided to leave her room.It was forbidden for her to go to the wetlands on her own, but what Mother didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her.Of course, there was the possibility she might wake up while Jiyoo was gone, but Jiyoo’s desire to visit the Half Moon Marsh was too great.
The sky as Jiyoo looked out the window was tall and blue.Sunlight was breaking through spotty clouds.A flock of birds flew over the wetlands, and loons howled from the marsh.Their calls weren’t like the screaming Jiyoo had heard two nights ago.They had returned to sounding like lone wolves at dusk.Jiyoo felt relieved.Mother was right.What happened that night was just a dream.
Jiyoo took her coat from the wardrobe and threw it on.With furtive footsteps, she walked down the stairs and snuck out the front door.She crossed the front yard to where the window to Mother’s bedroom was.Even though the window was blocked by a thick curtain, Jiyoo had no problem peering into the room because the curtains were slightly parted in the middle.She didn’t even need to stand on her toes or crouch.The gap was just at the level of her eyes.
At first, she didn’t see anything.The interior of the room was too dark.Only when she brought her eye right up to the glass and stared into the darkness for several seconds did she see what she had been hoping for.Mother was sleeping on the bed with her belly to the mattress and her head turned to the window.Judging from the fact that her eyes were closed, Jiyoo figured she must be asleep.
Standing with her body pressed against the glass, Jiyoo counted to five hundred.The entire time it took for her to do this, Mother didn’t budge once.This meant she was in the clear.Jiyoo went back to the front yard, passed under the maple tree, and arrived at the shed.
She opened the shed door and walked past the wheelbarrow.There were chunks of mud plastered to the wheels and the frame.A black raincoat that was just as dirty hung from one of the handles.A pair of muddy blue rain boots had been tossed into the wheelbarrow.Jiyoo thought of what she saw last night and the moment she and Mother made eye contact.
Jiyoo shook her head and rid her mind of that thought.She entered the shed through the gap between the wheelbarrow and the wall.Her and Father’s rain boots were placed side by side next to the ladder.It was just after putting on her rain boots that Jiyoo noticed the cardboard box behind the ladder.It was the same kind of box they sold at the post office.The lid was closed, but it wasn’t sealed with tape.
Was this box always here?
Jiyoo’s memory was telling her no.She knew everything that belonged in the shed.She came to the shed often, and sometimes she played all day inside the shed by herself.Jiyoo searched her memory several times, but she couldn’t remember ever seeing this box before.The only thing Mother took from the trunk of the car when they got here was a shopping bag with groceries.
Jiyoo thought about opening the box before shaking her head.She rid herself of curiosity and hurried out of the shed.She was already worried enough that Mother would find out she had opened the finger puppet box.If she had one more thing to worry about, her chest would explode.The last thing she needed was to get caught twice for opening boxes that weren’t hers.
It was cold outside.Much colder than Jiyoo had expected.The sunlight was like shattered glass: dazzling, yet cold and dangerous.The wind blowing in from the Half Moon Marsh smelled of winter.The wind was fierce enough to give Jiyoo’s shoulder a hard shove.She buried her chin in her neck and ran along the trail.
The marsh looked as though it had been through a tornado.Reeds were drooping with mud, and the side path was black with sludge.The soil was so soggy that every step forward was a triumph.And every time she picked up her foot, the sole of her boot croaked like a frog.The trail felt twice as long as normal.When Jiyoo finally arrived in front of the feeding rock, her legs felt like she had climbed a mountain.
There was a lone loon napping atop the feeding rock.Jiyoo thought she recognized this one.It seemed like the same rascal that had attacked Father and her from the water that day.It was about the right size and color.
Should we get back at it for scaring us?
Jiyoo could almost hear her father’s voice.Jiyoo jumped up onto the rock and slammed her feet down next to the loon.Just like before, Jiyoo swiped her thumb across her nose as she said, “Go away, you bully!”
But this wasn’t as fun as last time.
Jiyoo went to the same places she and Father had visited on their walk, but her mood didn’t improve.In fact, she only became sadder.Why did Father leave?He promised he would take her back here in the morning.
Jiyoo crouched down by the water.This was the same place from which she and Father viewed the loon nest.But now there was nothing.No nest, no eggs.The grass was flat and submerged in water.It looked like last night’s storm had forced the loons to relocate.Or perhaps they were at the bottom of the marsh.
