Page 56 of Perfect Happiness
Jiyoo circled the Half Moon Marsh about ten times.She tried counting the numbers of ducks hanging around the swamp.She even stood at the end of the footpath and stared down the gorge.She was doing everything Mother told her not to do.And not just once, but ten times.
The gorge wasn’t as scary as she thought it would be.But that’s not to say it was fun.Before long, the red sun was setting over the mountain peak on the other side of the gorge.The wind rising from the bottom of the valley scratched at Jiyoo’s cheeks, as though the wind itself had nails.Dark clouds were gathering on the distant horizon.It looked like it was going to rain again.
Is Mother awake?
Jiyoo looked back at the house.There had been more than enough time for her to wake up.If she was awake, she would probably be looking for Jiyoo.She might have even found Dad Puppet, which Jiyoo had hidden under her pillow.
Feeling anxious, Jiyoo quickly left the marsh.The sun had set by the time she arrived home.The first thing she did was check Mother’s bedroom window.Mother seemed like she was still sleeping, although Jiyoo couldn’t be sure because Mother was facing the other direction now.
Jiyoo went to the faucet in the front yard.She used the hose to wash the mud off her boots and went into the shed.She was planning on taking off her boots and changing into her normal shoes.But this changed when she saw the carboard box from earlier.
Just have a look.
It was Mischievous Mouse.
Just don’t touch what’s inside.Mother will never know if you just look.
Jiyoo was really planning on only looking.And she would have, too, had she not discovered something familiar inside it.Father’s bag, the one with the bumblebee keychain.Jiyoo felt something in her stomach drop.Her pulse was buzzing inside her ear like a bee.
Things would have been all right had she stopped there.She would have been able to think that Father simply forgot his bag.But Jiyoo didn’t stop.Her hands removed the bag on their own.Under it was a neatly folded jacket, a shirt, and jeans.These were the clothes Father had been wearing.And the brown sneakers at the bottom of the box were also Father’s.Inside one of the shoes was Father’s cellphone.
Questions rushed into her head.What did Father wear when he left?How did he leave without clothes or shoes?Why did he leave his bag behind?Won’t he come back looking for his cellphone?Why did Mother store these in the shed?
But Jiyoo had more important things to worry about.If she stayed much longer, Mother would catch her.Jiyoo put the items back in the box in the order she had taken them out.Shoes, jeans, shirt ...
But once she put the bag on top, the box wouldn’t close.It was so full it looked like it was about to burst.Jiyoo took everything out and tried placing them in the box again.But the result was the same.She tried a third time, but nothing changed.She didn’t try a fourth time.She just decided to edit her memory.The box was always this full.Its lid never closed in the first place.
Jiyoo left the shed without looking back.She went right up to her bedroom and closed the door.The view from her window had already turned pitch-black.
An hour or two passed, but Mother didn’t wake up.Jiyoo pulled the covers over her head and tried her hardest to fall asleep.Perhaps because she was hungry, the harder she tried, the more awake she became.Her thoughts were unable to escape the box in the shed.She had no clue what the things inside that box meant.She turned toward the puppet still hidden under her pillow and spoke to it.
“Why did Father leave all his things behind?”
A loon howled in the distance as if to answer Jiyoo.She pulled the sheets over her head again and covered her ears.But the calls didn’t disappear.They were slowly getting louder and wilder.But they weren’t coming from the marsh.Nor was it coming from the attic.The cries were coming from inside her.And there was nothing she could do to stop them.
Jiyoo threw off the blanket and sat up in bed.As she did this, she realized there was a light shining in through her window.It also smelled like something was burning.Drawn to the smell, Jiyoo stepped down from her bed.She walked over to the window, and hiding her body behind the curtains, looked down at the front yard.
The lamp beneath the maple tree was lit, and a fire was burning inside the fire pit beneath the tree.
The ashen smoke rising from the pit was being carried far into the distance by the wind.Mother was sitting at the faucet near the firepit.Perched on a rock, she hugged both knees as she stared into the fire.
Shadows of flames were dancing atop her white cheeks.Placed by her feet was a cardboard box.Jiyoo realized immediately what was burning in the fire.Jiyoo was so close to banging on the glass and yelling at Mother to stop.
Mother!Don’t do that.Don’t burn Father’s things.
Afraid that she might really yell out to Mother, Jiyoo covered her mouth with her hand.She went back to her bed, took out Dad Puppet, and lay down as she hugged him.She closed her eyes and waited to fall asleep.By some miracle, she managed to do this.She didn’t remember falling asleep, but it was clear she had fallen asleep because the next moment, she was being awoken by a sound.
It was the sound of a car.As Jiyoo thought this to herself, she sat up in bed suddenly.A car?Is Father back?
Jiyoo jumped out of bed and ran to the sun-lit window.It wasn’t Father, but Mother’s white sedan leaving the front gate.A few seconds later, it turned the corner and disappeared.
Jiyoo’s jaw dropped.She sometimes had nightmares about Mother leaving her.Each time this happened, she would wake up crying.And when she ran out of her room, she would always find Mother either cooking in the kitchen, sleeping in her bedroom, or taking a shower in the bathroom.This happened both at Stepfather’s house and the countryside cabin.But Mother had neveractuallyleft her.It was always just a bad dream.
Jiyoo thought this time had to be a dream, too.No, she needed it to be a dream.Jiyoo ran out of the room.She bounded down the dark stairs two steps at a time.The kitchen had its lights off and was as dark as the stairs.Jiyoo sensed no one was in the kitchen.That might mean Mother was still sleeping.
Instead of calling out for Mother, Jiyoo cautiously opened the door to the living room.Darkness was waiting for her.When she flipped the light switch, an empty living room appeared before her.She crossed the living room and opened the door to the master bedroom.It was dark, and Mother was nowhere inside.Jiyoo opened the backdoor and went out into the backyard.Mother sometimes liked to take walks in the pine forest beyond the retaining wall.
But she wasn’t there either.She wasn’t anywhere, not in the front yard, not the shed, not beyond the front gate.Jiyoo felt herself getting nauseous.The strength was being sapped from her legs, eventually causing her to slump down beneath the maple tree.When she looked at the pile of ash inside the fire pit, all she wanted to do was cry.This wasn’t a dream.Mother really had left her.
