Page 65 of Perfect Happiness
Now Eun-ho remembered.Wife sent him this message a few months ago.He also remembered being completely befuddled because he didn’t know what she was talking about, and she had never talked to him about his supposed sleep disorder.But he had a class to teach, so he couldn’t reply to her.By the time work ended, he had forgotten about the message completely.
“I showed the detectives this message,” Wife said.
Eun-ho closed his eyes again.He knew she had good intentions, but he doubted this would help.The detectives had already asked him about his sleep patterns.And when he told them the truth, they looked at him in disbelief:
“Then why didn’t you wake up that night?”
Eun-ho wanted to know just as badly as they did.Why hadn’t he woken up?He wished someone would tell him what happened to him that night.There was only one reason that Eun-ho could think of.
“I hadn’t slept in over five days.”
Noah’s death was changing direction, from accident to homicide.The detectives didn’t say this out loud, but they didn’t need to.Eun-ho was out of it, but he wasn’t stupid.
The police said they would call him back to the station when they got the autopsy results.That, or they would come to him with a pair of handcuffs and read him the Miranda warning.It appeared that Eun-ho would have to deal with the shock of Noah’s death and these murder charges at the same time.
But would he be able to?He was skeptical.When people want to believe someone, they’ll accept almost anything as evidence.But when they don’t want to believe someone, they demand the world—proof, alibis, testimony.And even if Eun-ho did satisfy all their demands, there was no guarantee they would believe him.First impressions are important, and no one likes to admit they’re wrong.Eun-ho would remain a murderer in everyone’s eyes, no matter what evidence he produced.
Not only did the cops not want to believe Eun-ho, but Eun-ho also didn’t have the willpower to seek exoneration.What he needed was sleep, not innocence.And not just sleep, he wanted dreamless oblivion.Reality was hard enough to deal with, but the things that came to him while he was asleep were terrifying.
Indeed, Eun-ho was suffering from a recurring dream, the same dream he had the night Noah died.Explosions of light.A white hand appearing from the darkness.An endless abyss.Trapped at the bottom of a frozen lake.
Dear Yoon-hee,
I’m writing to you because I have something to tell you.Six days ago in the early morning...
Eun-ho wanted to write only about the facts, like he was giving a testimony.He tried his best to be detached.He had to control his emotions; that was the only way he could avoid rambling, that was the only way he could avoid pathetic excuses.As a result, the letter turned out more concise than he had even intended.Eun-ho read it again to check if he had missed anything or if there was anything that needed more context.
But when Eun-ho read it back to himself, he was disgusted by his own account of what happened.His throat felt tight, and he could hear the whirring of the blood rushing through his heart.Eun-ho hated his own tone in the email.Was this all he could manage after agonizing over it for several hours?The letter read like a notification.It could be boiled down to two sentences:I killed our son.I thought you should know.
Eun-ho thought about how he would feel if he were his wife and had received such a letter.He didn’t need to think long.He’d buy a gun and get on the next plane to Korea.But Eun-ho didn’t dare try writing it again.His mouse hovered over the send button until someone knocked on his door, pulling him back to reality.
The door to the study opened without making a sound.Wife stuck her head in the room.She stepped inside as soon as she made eye contact with him.
“There you are, honey.”
Eun-ho glanced down at his computer screen.Despite knowing he was summoning the firing squad, he pressed send anyway.Eun-ho had no reason to hide his email to Yoon-hee from Wife.But she didn’t need to know if she didn’t have to.And knowing Wife, he doubted she would praise him for it.He could already imagine her response.First, Wife would demand him to explain why he was sending her an email, even though it should be obvious.And she would ask to see the contents of the email.And then she would start meddling and pretending that he needed to censor graphic details when she was really just fearful of the email becoming public.At this moment, this was the last thing Eun-ho wanted to do: having his own work censored by Wife.
“I’ve been looking all over for you.”
Wife came over to the front of the desk.She looked like she was growing ten inches taller with every step she took toward him.A notification that the email was sent successfully appeared on Eun-ho’s screen.It also displayed the name and email address of the recipient.Eun-ho moved his finger once more and pressed the confirmation button.Wife stood next to him with her body pressed against his shoulder.
“Sending emails?”
She placed her hand on his shoulder.Her eyes were looking down at his screen.The message had disappeared, but his email inbox was still open for all to see.He closed his email and logged out of the computer.
“Who were you emailing?”
Eun-ho turned his head and looked at Wife.She was wearing the sleeveless dress that she often wore at home.Eun-ho’s nose was filled with a clean scent, as though Wife had just gotten out of the shower.Her long hair was down, and she was giving off the familiar smell of body oil.
When did she come home?Why didn’t I hear her?Eun-ho was so confused.He had two ears; what were they doing while he was writing the email?Why hadn’t they heard her taking a shower, drying her hair, and putting on clothes?Or maybe she was coming back from the local public bath house.
Eun-ho looked at Wife’s feet which were visible beneath the hem of her dress.She had gotten a pedicure and her toenails had a fresh coat of red nail polish.It was then that Eun-ho realized she was barefoot.He remembered that Wife moved like a cat when she was barefoot.
“I was sending a message to the principal that I’m starting work again tomorrow.”
Wife’s clear eyes looked at him silently before replying, “Are you sure you’ll be okay?”
Instead of answering, Eun-ho dropped his gaze.Noah’s picture, which was next to his laptop, caught his eye.
