Page 101 of Perfect Happiness
This isn’t real.It’s a hallucination, a specter that’s crawled out of my memory.Open your eyes and do what you came here to do.
When Jane opened her eyes, there was nothing on the windowsill.The only thing there were yellow butterflies dancing above white laced curtains.Jane retreated from the room.She pushed shut the door to the room and the door to her memories.As she walked toward the room at the end of the hallway, she used her pants to wipe her hands, which were wet and sticky like the back of a toad.There was a lock on this door.
Jane searched her memory.Had this room always been here?She couldn’t remember.But she did remember how Jiyoo had sleep-talked almost every night at the hospital.
Beneath the attic a loon is howling.
Was this the attic?If it was, then based on her memory of the layout of this house, “beneath the attic” would technically be the kitchen on the first floor.But Jane needed to confirm her memory.Jane took out her cellphone from her jacket.She turned on the flashlight and started down the stairs toward the bathroom.She brought her shoes with her and placed them outside the back door.
The bathroom wasn’t as dark as the hallway.There was light coming in from the small bathroom window.Jane picked up and inspected each of the items in the bathroom.Toothpaste, toothbrushes, shampoo and conditioner, white hand towels.The waste basket was completely empty.In the cabinet there was bleach and drain cleaner, and next to the toilet were two toilet brushes.
There was nothing that hinted at Joon-young ever being here.Jane even shined her cellphone flashlight toward the bathtub drain cover, but there wasn’t a single hair caught in the grate.There were also no signs of any loons, although this didn’t surprise Jane.She hurried out of the bathroom.The smell of bleach was tickling her throat and causing her to cough.She felt like her bronchial tubes were getting bleached every time she breathed in.
She walked through the hallway and entered the kitchen.Here, too, the first thing that greeted her was a smell.But this time, it wasn’t the smell of bleach.This was closer to the fishy smell of meat that seeped into the air when you made bone broth.
Jane opened the refrigerator.There was no food in the refrigerator, let alone freshly made broth.In fact, the refrigerator wasn’t even plugged in; its interior was room temperature and dark.Placed on the island in the middle of the kitchen was a scented candle and a blue flower vase.And on the shelves of the overhead cupboard were bowls and cups.In the cabinet next to the kitchen sink were silverware and miscellaneous culinary tools like a wine bottle opener.Most of the things were old and what you would expect to find in a typical kitchen.
What surprised Jane was what she found in the bottom cabinets.On the first shelf was a wooden cutting board and four knives on a rack.One knife was long and thin, one was short, one was a sashimi knife, and one looked like a small hand axe.Jane opened the next shelf to find a mincer.And on the next shelf were two stock pots that looked big enough for a small person to bathe in.The pots reeked of the fishy smell of meat that was permeating the kitchen.
Jane had come here and helped prepare food for their grandpa’s ancestral rites many times, and she had never seen these kitchen tools before.This wasn’t the kind of stuff you found in a typical family kitchen.These were the tools of someone who butchered cows, pigs, chickens, and ducks.
What had Yuna done with these tools?The purpose of the tools was too clear to imagine anything else.The knives were for dismemberment, the pots were for boiling, and the mixers were for grinding.The words dismember, boil, and grind all seemed to be pointing in the same direction.
A cold breeze cut across the nape of Jane’s neck.An image appeared in her head like a light being turned on.Jane shook her head as she got to her feet and went into the living room.
Her cellphone flashlight illuminated a familiar scene.A ceiling fixture made of two long fluorescent tubes, a bookcase filled with Grandpa’s books, and an old fabric sofa and round coffee table.The calendar on the wall was two years old and still open to September, the month Grandma passed away.
Grandma’s old room, which was connected to the living room, was also untouched.Even the sheets on the bed were the same ones she had used when she was alive.The outside of the house looked like an abandoned house, but the inside looked frozen in time, like Grandma still lived here.Jane could almost see Grandma’s ghost wherever she shined her flashlight.It looked like Yuna had no intention of living in this house.If she had even the slightest intention to come here on the weekends, there would be no reason to keep this place looking like a mausoleum.
Jane started going through the wardrobe.She then moved on to the drawers and the vanity.But there was nothing that looked like it belonged to Yuna.Nor was there anything that struck Jane as odd.After a while, Jane had nothing left to search, as she had gone through everything, even the sewing box.But just as she was heading out of the room, she paused.The voice inside her head was pulling at her hair.
What are you looking for?Are you looking for evidence that Joon-young was here?Or are you looking for evidence that he wasn’t here?Get it straight.Don’t just look at what’s convenient.You’ve forgotten that you’re not just some bystander or witness in this case.You’re their top suspect!
Right.Jane had forgotten her predicament.She had forgotten why she was here.Because of this, she had closed her eyes even when she discovered something suspicious, dismissed it as meaningless.She was trying to deny her intuition.She didn’t want to accept the unacceptable.Her subconscious was resisting.
She hurried out of the living room, like someone who had been spooked.Her legs gave out, causing her to slump over on one end of the couch.As she sat down, she heard the sound of cracking plastic beneath her.
Jane stood up.She pulled out the cushion of where she had just been sitting.A long, small object was stuck halfway between the folds of the sofa frame.She picked it up to realize it was a ballpoint pen.Her fingers started to tremble.Engraved on the clip of the cap were the initials JYS.This was the same ballpoint pen that Jane had given to Joon-young on the day his play was performed on stage, the day she introduced Yuna to him.
Speaking of Eun-ho, I overheard him talking with the police at Noah’s funeral.
Suddenly, Jane remembered what Jinu had told her.
The night before, he drank quince tea that Yuna had made.He was in such a deep sleep that he didn’t know his own child was dying.
If it was possible to sleep through someone else’s death, was it possible to sleep through your own?Jane started recalling the things that she had seen in the kitchen.The professional-grade knives, the grinder, the pots.
There are moments in life when everything suddenly comes into focus, when it feels like you can see the entire universe.This was one of those moments.The curtain of unconsciousness that had been covering Jane’s eyes had been torn down in one swift motion.The wall of resistance had been toppled in one blow.The imagination that had been locked away burst like a dam.Jane was terrified of her own imagination for being able to accept such a possibility.
Go see for yourself.
The voice in her head gave her another command.
See with your own two eyes what is locked inside the attic.Break down the door if you must.If Joon-young is inside, then you’ve let your imagination get the best of you.If he’s not…
Jane put the pen in her pocket and went to the kitchen.She opened the bottom cabinet and pulled out the knife rack.She picked up the knife that looked like it had the best chance of breaking a lock.Something big and heavy, yet sharp.She picked up the cleaver and was standing up when she heard a click from behind her.As her senses turned outward, she could sense the front door opening.
A cold draft grazed the back of her neck.It looked like her luck had run out today.Jane slowly turned toward the front door.Yuna was standing in the yellow light from the front porch bulb.She didn’t look surprised.Then again, it was Jane who should be surprised.
