Page 71 of Body Check
Just as quickly as my guilt descended, it fades away as I process his words. This isn’t about me, and it isn’t even about trust. It’s about coming to terms with changes in your life, changes you never wanted, changes that are terrifying. I can’t blame him for keeping all of this bottled up. I’m just grateful he’s finally sharing it with me.
I reach for him because I need him to know he’s no longer alone. He joins me on the bed and we hold each other tight, because our connection makes us stronger. I listen as he tells me all about his dad. Tears stream down my face for all Dutton is losing. His eyes are wet, too, so I kiss his tears away.
“I love you, Bridgette,” he tells me, returning the kiss.
And that’s all it takes. Our lovemaking isn’t urgent or frantic tonight. It’s slow and deliberate. It’s almost like we’re relearning each other with every touch, every tease, every stroke. He buries himself inside me, and when I go over, I take him with me. We stay locked together for a moment, like we’re afraid to lose what we just got back.
Eventually, he eases himself off me, then bends down to press a kiss to my forehead. “Can we stay here tonight?” he asks.
I stretch out on my bed and stifle a yawn. “Of course, but,” I let my words trail off because I’m not sure how to say what I’m thinking.
“But what?” he prompts. “Will you miss the chaos too much? Or will you miss your morning snuggles with Hazel?”
I smile because Blue’s cat is the sweetest, fluffiest girl and I love her. But that isn’t what’s causing my hesitation. “I just want you to know you can lean on the guys the way you lean on me. It’s what people do when they care about each other. I know you’re a private person, but?—”
Dutton holds up a hand. “They already know. You, uh, must have talked to Mickey after I was such a dick earlier today.”
I wince. “Oh, no. What did he do?”
Dutton smiles wryly. “He was ready to hand me my ass.”
I grimace. “Sorry about that.”
Dutton shakes his head. “It actually worked out. He got me so worked up that I blurted the whole thing out. Now all the guys know, and I feel a little relieved.”
I lean in for another kiss. “I’m glad. You know they’re going to be here for you through everything you’re facing. Like it or not, you’re part of the hockey family now. They love you.”
He rolls his eyes. “I’m stuck with these guys. That’s what you’re saying.”
“Yep. And I think you like it more than you’re willing to admit.” I yawn again because the day is catching up with me. “If we’re staying here tonight, I’m going to hop in the shower before I fall asleep. I need to wash this day off of me.”
“What a coincidence,” Dutton says, reaching for my hand and leading me into the bathroom. “So do I.”
The water heats up quickly, and I step under the spray to let it soothe me. Dutton steps in behind me and we take turns lathering each other up. His hands are gentle as he washes my body. My hands roam over his chest and abs. We’re taking our time, but I want to wash my hair before the water turns too cold. When I reach for my shampoo, it’s not on the shelf. I’m wondering what in the world happened to it, but a second later, I get my answer when Dutton begins working his hands into my hair. It feels so good that I tilt my head forward, urging him on.
“Do you like it?” he asks, and all I can do is nod. When he rinses it clean, I coat the strands with conditioner. He reaches for the bottle, but I shake my head. “I should be taking care of you,” I protest, since he’s the one dealing with devastating news.
Dutton kisses me soundly. “I like it when we take care of each other.”
34
Dutton
Walking into my childhood home feels strange, even though it shouldn’t. Everything looks the same as it did the last time I was here, which is only a few days ago. Nothing is different, but everything has changed since my dad’s diagnosis. That’s just my new reality, so I’m going to have to face it. The good thing is, I don’t have to face it alone. I’ve got my girlfriend to lean on and even my teammates. I never would have believed that some of the most important people in my life would be the guys on the Bainbridge Wolves hockey team, but life takes unexpected turns sometimes, I guess.
The house is quiet, and I walk through the kitchen to find my parents sitting on the sofa together. My mom has her hand on dad’s leg and they’re leaning forward, looking at something on the coffee table. They look so normal, so much like they always have, that it’s hard to believe all of this is really happening.
Mom spots me first, a smile on her face as she beckons me to come sit with them, so of course I do. I bend to give my mom a kiss on the cheek, but when I go to give my dad a hug, I freeze. For a second, I’m back where I was a few days ago, and I’mterrified he won’t recognize me. But he must be having a good day because he looks happy to see me and claps me on the back.
“What’s that?” I say, nodding to the box on the coffee table.
My dad moves it to the side and grimaces. “It’s a puzzle. You know I hate these freaking things,” he grumbles. “But, the docs said they’re good for me, so your mom ordered a bunch.”
My mom laughs as she reaches for a puzzle piece and tries to pop it into place. Dad’s hand covers hers and shifts the piece a quarter turn so it fits perfectly. They sit there for a while, working in companionable silence, while I’m sitting here feeling like I need to scream or punch a hole in the wall.
“It’s okay to be pissed,” my dad says, not looking up from the section he’s working on. “Lord knows I am. I’m mad and sad and pretty damn terrified,” he tells me, a quaver in his voice that fucking guts me.
“We’re meeting with the care team on Tuesday,” Mom says. “I’ll text you the details.”
