Page 24 of Player
Pia carefully mixes the contents of the bowl in front of us while answering, "Tons of stuff! For example, I have to createa sketch for sculpture class using a live model. Our teacher wants us to focus on one body part that we have to reproduce as faithfully as possible, but we also need to be original. It's super difficult!"
"Have you started yet?"
"More or less,” Pia says. "Let's say I'm looking for an idea."
"If I can help, don't hesitate."
Pia glances at me before turning her attention back to our preparations spread across several containers.
"That's sweet, I'll keep it in mind."
I mix some frosting, more to keep myself busy than because this cake really needs it. The fantasy about Player won't leave me alone, in fact, I feel like it's sticking to my skin, and I can't untangle my feelings about it. One moment, I feel pathetic for being attracted to this guy, and the next, I feel this tension in my body calling for release.
Player represents everything I hate in a man.That's the thought I need to cling to. The problem is that he displays a confidence that I find really sexy. He talks about sex as if he's an expert in the field, and somehow, that speaks to a part of me. Probably the part that wants to let him have his way.
But he doesn't want to sleep with me.He's said it enough times, I'm not the type of woman he likes. Good! Or is it bad?
I let out a small sigh of frustration. I'd like to be clear with myself, but that seems impossible when it comes to Player. He constantly interferes with what I consider to be my values.
I'm no closer to figuring things out when we meet Saphya back at the dorm that evening.
Settling in the living room, we share Chinese takeout while chatting about our day. Pia just gave a detailed account of the cake design workshop, and while listening to her, I felt like I hadn't even been present.
"The cheer team is really great," Saphya declares. "They'retalented, and while I’m still on the trainee squad, I think the varsity can go very far, maybe even win the national championship in Daytona."
My heart tightens a little thinking about that famous competition. Its reputation precedes it across the country, all teams dream of winning the celebrated trophy, and mine was no exception.
I push away the memories that are just waiting to resurface. I can't handle everything at once. my attraction to Player and my painful past. In truth, I just want to forget both. Yes, that's the ideal solution, pure and simple denial. Nothing is more effective.
"I'm amazed really at the new ideas they’re bringing into their routine," Saphya continues. "It could earn them the points they need to win the title."
It makes me happy to see her so motivated and involved when she's barely joined the team. Saphya is passionate, she even has a big binder where she records every element that inspires her.
"Anyway, I don't want to bore you with all this," she concludes after explaining the workings of what she calls herGolden Ticket Book. The truth is, she's not boring me at all—quite the opposite—but I can't immerse myself in that world again. At least, not if I want to move forward.
"Did things get better with Player?"
Saphya's question is directed at me, and it comes completely out of the blue. Just when I wanted to stop thinking about him—epic fail. Pia looks at me curiously, and I realize the girls are waiting for the latest gossip about our arrogant neighbor. I summarize yesterday's cafeteria scene and shrug as I conclude:
"That guy really has a problem with me..."
"I'd say he's actually into you," Saphya replies. I stare at her,wide-eyed, and she adds, "Yeah, he reminds me of those little boys in elementary school who pull the hair of the girl they like."
"So your theory is that he picks on me because he wants to sleep with me?"
I almost choke getting that ridiculous sentence out.
"It's obvious," Saphya affirms with a nod.
"If you think about it from that angle," Pia adds, "it does make sense."
"Not you too!" I protest. "Player was very clear that he only sleeps with mature women. I don't believe for a second that he wants anything from me. Except to make me crack, for his stupid game."
Saphya looks at me silently for a moment, then says, "It's not great for his ego." I frown, not understanding what she's talking about, and she clarifies, "What he said about doing you in the cafeteria without others noticing."
I blink several times and Pia shakes her head. I don't know if my new friend is horrified by the turn this conversation is taking, but she surprises me by adding:
"Yeah, since he thinks he's a sex god, it would make more sense for him to want everyone to know that you got off because of him."
