Page 53 of Player
My roommate gives me a playful nudge on the shoulder. "You can be such a killjoy when you want to be!"
"No, I'm just being realistic. I know when I'm facing something beyond me."
Saphya's gaze finds mine, and she's more serious when she murmurs, "Even when it comes to Player?"
My heart skips a beat at the mention of Player. I've been trying to keep him out of my thoughts since our passionate, intense sexual exploits. Three days have passed, and I have to admit I've failed, because Player invades my mind at the slightest lapse in my concentration.
I haven't seen him since that moment when he showed me the door. I feel my cheeks flush, and I respond awkwardly, "What do you mean?"
Saphya studies my face while biting her lower lip, as if considering her response. Finally, she moves closer so no one can hear her. "I saw you leaving his room."
She moves back without taking her eyes off me, and I think I'm turning crimson. The humiliation was already crushing when I was the only one who knew what we'd done, but now that I realize Saphya knew about it, it's even worse.
I'm about to respond, but she beats me to it. "You don't have to explain anything to me, Dixie. You're a grown woman. You have the right to do whatever you want. And even if he can be a real jerk sometimes, Player is a handsome guy."
Unable to find a suitable response, I stay silent. Yes, Player is very handsome, and extremely talented in bed. Well, I don't have anything to compare him to, obviously, but I don't think I'm too far off in judging that he's good at it. I certainly enjoyedmyself. Everything would have been perfect if he hadn't ruined it all at the last moment.
From the mat, the coach calls to my friend:
"Saphya! Need a spot over here!"
"We'll talk about this whenever you want," my friend tells me before walking away.
I watch her join Linda while thinking. I didn't have any particular expectations for my first time. If I hadn't taken that step before, it's because I hadn't met a man, or a woman for that matter, who made me want to go further.
Player came along, took control of my body, and I had no choice but to surrender to those new sensations that made me vibrate to the point where the memory is still branded within me like a hot iron. He knew exactly what he was doing, as if my body was an extension of his own...
No doubt thanks to his experience with previous conquests.
Something tightens inside me. I hate the idea that he might have slept with many other women, that they were the ones who gave him his sexual education, the very one I benefited from the other night.
Damn it! Am I jealous?
I consider this idea, perplexed. How is that possible? We slept together, and part of me resents him, so what's this sudden surge of jealousy doing here? I'm completely lost, disoriented. Is it normal to feel all this after sleeping with that man?
Player represents a distraction. I'm in college to build my future, not to get a sexual education.
Memories of our night together take advantage of this moment to resurface. The way he guided me, led me exactly where he wanted, had something both exciting and liberating about it because I didn't need to think. Except now, I regret not being more serious.
Fortunately for me, nothing more will happen between us. This time, I'm more experienced. I know what to expect.
A forewarned Dixie is forearmed!
Now that I know where a moment of weakness with Player can lead me, I won't be fooled again.
22
PLAYER
The second quartermarks a turning point in the game between the Jaguars and the Morgan State. Coming out of the first quarter, we had a two touchdown lead due to our offensive gameplan firing on all cylinders, but a quick-strike touchdown followed by a special teams fuckup has let them make a spectacular comeback that has us deadlocked at 21 heading into the second half.
All the players are gathered in the locker room, and Coach Adams is giving us an earful. He expects perfection, and two failures isn’t helping his blood pressure one bit. "What do you think this is? You're not here to be extras in someone else's show!"
His clear gaze passes from face to face. If there's someone angrier than me right now, it's him.
"Some of you think you're tough."
His attention shifts to me, and he continues, "Now's the time to prove it! Because if you keep playing that sort of sloppy grabass style, Morgan State’s going to hand you a beating you won't forget anytime soon."
