Page 65 of Player
Then the sweet smell is replaced by a salty taste in my mouth. I cough, I spit. I search for air, and when I breathe, I feel like flames are entering my body. It hurts so much!
The pain is everywhere, inside, in my lungs, and outside, on my skin. I'm terribly hot. The scenery becomes blurry, and whenI open my eyes again, I'm in my bedroom. Curled up in a corner of the room, I protect my head with my arms, then I hear him. Him... his voice terrifies me:
"You wandered off, you did it on purpose!"
I hear the familiar click that sends a surge of terror through me, and I scream, "No!"
My scream echoes through my room, and I hope Ridley will come save me, but he doesn't arrive, and the metal bites into my skin. Mom isn't here either.
I scream louder, again and again, until I feel the burning in my throat and can no longer make a sound.
"It's all your fault, you worthless piece of trash. You shouldn't even be here!"
He bellows, rage making his evil gaze gleam as he stares at me. I can't run away, all I can do is escape into my head, to a world where he doesn't exist.
I wake with a start, my body drenched in sweat and my heart beating as quickly as if I were in the middle of wind sprints. I need a few seconds to understand that I'm in my bedroom, but not the one from my childhood, not the one that sheltered all those horrors.
A wave of nausea twists my gut and I leave my bed where Dixie is still sleeping, glad I’m on the outside and able to roll away without waking her. I can't look at her. I need to get out. I grab my clothes and my phone before leaving the apartment.
27
DIXIE
Last nightwith Player left me with a strange impression. I discovered new facets of his personality that surprised and touched me. His slept restlessly, talking to himself and sometimes jerking awake. All I could do was hold him close, hoping it would soothe him. I think it worked for a few hours, then he woke up and left the room. I could have talked to him, but something told me he needed to be alone.
Morning classes pass without major incident. I'm having a hard time concentrating on accounting and economics because my mind is focused on Player. The Player from last night, this man who made love to me. Yes, this time, it wasn't just sex between us.
You're getting carried away. He only wants sex and nothing else.
Did I imagine that moment of intimacy between us? Am I attaching more meaning to last night than Player did? To know for sure, we'd need to have a serious discussion about us, but I don't have the courage. I don't know if I'm dreading that he'll end our relationship or if I'm afraid to admit what I truly feel for him.
I shake my head. I don't feel anything! Player is just my lover, nothing more. I can't forget that.
Pia is settled in the common room when I get back to the dorm. With a pencil tucked in her hair, dressed in a paint-stained t-shirt and ripped jeans, she sits in front of a large sketchbook on the table.
"Hey!" I call out as I enter the room.
Her gaze passes over me, but I can tell her mind is elsewhere. She returns her attention to the sketch she's drawn, and I move closer to peek over her shoulder. The delicacy of her drawing touches me. She's depicted a rose in the process of wilting, both sublime and sad at once.
"It's beautiful!"
"Beauty is fleeting," she mutters.
"Just like humans," I point out.
Pia turns to me, her face serious. "You're right."
"How are your projects coming along?"
She shrugs. "More or less... depends on the subject."
I look back at the rose, and comment, "Drawing class, huh?"
"Oh, no! This is just a personal thing."
She fiddles with the gray pencil in her hands. "What's giving me the most trouble is the sculpture class. I still haven't found my subject while everyone else has made good progress. I feel so useless!"
Pia collapses back into the couch cushions, and I come sit beside her.
