Page 157 of Mate
I shrug. “He can’t be with me, anyway.”
“Yeah. It’s just . . .”
“What?”
“I don’t know. Koen’s not the kind of guy who lets himself be limited by stuff like people saying no.”
“And yet.”
“Yeah. What else have you been hiding? Don’t bother saying ‘nothing,’ because— ”
“I might want to stay here,” I blurt out.
“Oh.” Misery looks around, like she doesn’t quite know what to say. Honestly, it’s endearing as fuck. “In the . . . hospital?”
“No, I . . . I love this place. The Northwest. I don’t know if it’s because part of me remembers being here when I was a kid, but it feels like home. And I think I might want to live here, even if I can’t be with Koen. This is such a large territory, and I could be out of his way, and . . . Would you hate me?”
“What? No. We’ll still see each other all the time. I mean, look at Lowe and Koen. They are just as codependent as we are.”
“Are they?”
“Oh, come on. Koen is Lowe’s . . . If I said father figure, would that make things weird?”
“Soweird.”
“Okay, then let’s say, the older brother Lowe always needed. He basically saved his life when he took him in, and I think Koen is proud of Lowe. I once overheard him say that ‘raising the kid’ was the best thing he’d ever done. If they can make it work, so can we. I don’t care if we’re close geographically. I just want to feel like I know what’s going on with your life.”
I nod gratefully. “Since we’re being honest: Deep down, aren’t you glad you had to skip through the whole death false alarm thing?”
“Yes, but that’s beside the point.Andyou deprived me of the pleasure of making fun of you for having a three-day compulsory fuckfest.” She sighs. “Serena?”
“Mmm?”
“Should we cut each other’s toenails and talk about the knot thing?”
I think about how little I want to do it. How overdue we are. “Are there clippers in the bathroom?”
She stands and goes to look for some.
CHAPTER 39
“I know it might seem like a difficult decision, but it’s for the best, Koen,” Xabier tells him. The rest of the Assembly nods with varying degrees of enthusiasm.
He feels as though the ground beneath his feet is no longer solid.
IDON’T KNOW,” AMANDA TELLS ME WHEN I ASK HER IF KOEN WILLbe forced to step down.
“It’s not that simple,” Saul adds, sticking closer to her than he has in the last few weeks. They entered Koen’s cabin holding hands, or maybe it was an optical illusion. “They can’t demand that he steps down. They don’t have that kind of power. They’re not, like, our real fathers.”
Amanda stabs him with her eyes. “What theycouldsay is that they are unwilling to stick with the Northwest.”
“Was it Anneke who told them? Is it because he kissed me in front of her?”
“It’s not just that,” Jorma explains, looking up from a ream of paperwork that’s thicker than my wrist. “Anneke, Xabier, and Conan were there when you were hurt. It left little doubt that Koen is emotionally compromised. This is less of a controlling body sanctioning a misbehaved child, and more of a conversation between adults regarding the future of the pack. Most likely, they’ll give him an ultimatum and ask that you leave the core.”
“I’m sorry. I— ”
“Serena. Honey.” Saul gives me a square look. “Youliterallytook a bullet for the Alpha of this pack. I’m going to need you to never apologize again. And yes, I’ll have another slice of that coffee cake.”
