Page 78 of Mate
— below the cliff, wasn’t there a—
The Were jumps.
He dives off the cliff without a single moment of hesitation, a perfectly symmetrical shape, a graceful silhouette against the sun. Even the wind ebbs, as if holding its breath, trying to keep still.
All Koen can do is skid to a stop. Let one hand tug at his hair. Watch as the boy’s body travels through the air. Listen to a long,longsilence, broken only by the sound of bones crashing against stone.
CHAPTER 20
He wants to abscond with her. Fuck the rest of the world— it’s incapable of giving her the safety she so clearly deserves. He’ll fix that. He’ll make up for everything she has been put through.
IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT, SERENA.
He was clearly unwell. Very unwell. On some crazed mission.
Notyour fault.
People— people who arenotKoen— have been repeating variations on this for a while, and for a while I’ve been nodding and telling them,Yes, I know. Thank you, I’m good. No need to stick around, if there’s somewhere you need to be.
The sun is about to set. There are a dozen cars parked by Koen’s cabin, and more of his seconds than I even met last night milling around. I struggle to keep their names straight, but it doesn’t matter. They’re not here for me, except for the ones on babysitting duty. Because it’s obvious that Koen tasked them with making sure that I’m not left alone. Still, I act like I don’t notice the way they sit next to me, on the second-highest porch step. In ten-minute shifts.
I try to pretend that Koen isn’t the only person with whom I’m interested in having any kind of conversation, but my belly is made of lead.Hewas there with me.Hewould know if it was my fault.
“Would you like something warm to drink?” I ask Saul when he comes over.
“Thanks, honey, but we’re leaving soon.”
“Anything else I can help with?”
“You’re doing it.”
I glance down at myself, and the stolen hoodie that might be my only tether to sanity. If I’m doing something, Saul and I must have a different definition ofdoing. But he’s shaking his head.
“Just the fact that you’re keeping your cool, helps K—allof us.”
“Oh, great. I just figured I’d scream my little heart out later, into my pillow.”
Saul laughs. “That’s some grade A compartmentalization.”
“Thanks.” I toss my hair back. “It’s the childhood trauma.”
Saul chokes on his spit, and Koen arrives just in time to thump him firmly between the shoulder blades. “Give me a second with Serena,” he orders. “Alone.”
Unlike everyone else, he doesn’t sit. Instead he squats in front of me, eye to eye.
“So,” I say. What would happen if I were to demand the hug I so desperately want? Since I really can’t, maybe I’ll just ask him if he thinks that I—
“No,” he says simply.
I blink. “What?”
“No. There is nothing you could have done to prevent him from killing himself. No, it’s not your fault. No, you shouldn’t have agreed to go with him.”
God. I needed to hear it. Fromhim. “He’s the second person to die in front of me in three days, Koen.”
“I know. I’m starting to think that you might be bad news, killer.”
I laugh. And laugh. And then force myself to stop, because there is a sense of fullness behind my eyes, inside my throat, and it threatens to overflow. “Bob was bad enough,” I whisper. “But this guy . . . he wasn’t trying to hurt me. He was so young, andit feels like such a waste, and . . .” I take a deep breath. “It’s just been a lot. In very little time. I think I’m ready for the musical episode, you know?”
