Page 50 of Jace 4Ever
He snorted. “I care?”
“You did once, Jerrod.”
“I ain’t that kid anymore. I gotta keep my name up, get my way up. Make my own name. Only way to survive, man. Not like I had a chance at college.”
“You know I would have made it work for you. You know that. If you wanted to go, I would still find a way to make it work.” I shook my head. “Mom and Dad would be proud if you did.”
“Mom and Dad are dead.”
“Says the jackass who pulled the family card on me today!”
Jerrod pulled the peas off his face. “Don’t, Joey. Just don’t. Mom and Dad are gone and there’s nothing that’s going to bring them back. They aren’t proud of anything we do because they’re dead and buried in Queens. Okay? There’s nothing we can do to please them, make them happy, make them smile. Dead. Dead, dead, dead.”
The TV filled the silence between us. There was some dumb show on, with a canned laugh track. My eyes were drawn to the terrible lighting, and my brain quickly calculated what to do to get the color corrected without manipulation. I turned to stare at my brother for just a moment, then rolled my head back.
“I don’t do what I do to please them, Jerrod. I don’t think that what I do will bring them back. I don’t know that I believe in an afterlife where they’re watching us. I do things because it would have made them proud. I try to be good to honor who they were, what they taught us, how they raised us. They were damn near broke all the time and that didn’t stop them from loving us. You drove them mad when they were alive. They didn’t know what to do with you.”
“Yeah, well, I’m a bad seed. I hate you, and I don’t think you get that.”
A sardonic little chuckle left me. “Yeah, I get it. I know exactly how much you hate your brother the fag. You hate me so much you let me sell myself to keep food on the table. To have even a chance at keeping a roof over our heads.”
His head whipped to the side. “What?”
“Oh, please. You knew that. You knew I was working the corner to feed us.”
He went absolutely dead still. “I didn’t.”
“Anton told me he told you,” I said. “He tried to hire my ass. That’s why he hates me, you know. Because I wouldn’t give it up to him for free. He would have raped me every chance after that. I wouldn’t even give it up to him for a dozen Benjamins.”
Jerrod sat up and stared at me. “Anton tried to pay for your ass?”
“You can stop acting shocked.”
“No, fuck you, Joey. Are you serious? You worked the corner? I didn’t know that. I swear to you I didn’t.” He turned back to the TV, and his face went blank again. “Anton…”
“I want out of here, Jerrod. I’m doing everything in my power to get out of this apartment. But I won’t leave you hard up. I know you make money on the drugs, but I don’t know where it goes—and I don’t want to. If I leave, I’m pretty much sure that this turns into a brothel and you die of starvation because you’re so high you forget to eat. Or you die from inhalation of fecal matter because you can’t clean a toilet.”
“I can take care of myself.”
“I doubt it.”
“Why you want to leave, anyway?”
“Why do I want to leave? What would ever make you think I’d want to stay? You beat me up, you use me, you steal my stuff. You let your friends rag on me, you bring in guns and drugs. You constantly call me a faggot and mock me because I like men and don’t want to tag pussy. You eat my food, you never pay your rent, and you don’t give a crap that I ask you to help keep the place clean. We don’t live in a palace, Jerr, but we could keep it clean and keep the roaches out.” Inhaling a shaky breath, I dared to look over at him, and he was still staring at the television.
I shook my head. What a waste of air that had been. He was clearly still high or strung out or something. He was such a waste of my time and space on my couch and in my life.
“I’m done, Jerrod. When I’m in the right place to get out, I’m going. I’ll try not to leave you to the wolves, but I can’t promise anything.”
He seemed to snap out of it. “You’d leave?”
“I have to leave. This isn’t the way I want to live. I have a real job now, and I don’t owe anyone anything. If this is the way you want to spend life, feel free. I have dreams and goals.”
“You even talk like a fag.”
His comment was typical, but it didn’t have the fire it usually did behind it. I couldn’t stop to care. I had a way out.
“I’m not here next week. Try not to wreck the place?”
“Where you going?”
“To LA with a friend. One week. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone. I won’t be able to get back and save your butt. Or bail it out.” I tossed the cold pack in the freezer and headed to my room.
“Leave enough food, eh?”
“I always do.”
