Page 46 of The Tomorrows After You
I sat up and let my eyes rake over her. Her hair was pulled up into a messy knot and she had rust stains on her shirt along with grease marks. But her smile was loaded, almost like she was trying to rein it in. She tapped a fork I recognized from the diner in one hand.So, they’d gone to breakfast.
“I brought you this,” she said, notably less enthused after taking in my brooding scowl.
“Thanks?” I offered.
I was playing it down like I didn’t understand but I was once again floored at how observant she was. When we went to the diner that morning after the Center, I noticed how well-balanced the forks were. They would make great strikers, but it had been my first meal out in public, and stealing from a restaurant wasn’t the first thing I wanted to do.
But here she was handing me one. She really noticed me toying with it? A small shred of guilt planted itself in my ribs at how I’d greeted her.
She ignored my sour attitude. “Hey, is Brennan home? I have a favor to ask.”
“No,” I clipped, going back to work on the hubcap that was in front of me.
She shifted her weight to one leg, crossing her arms.
“No, he’s not here?” She drew her words out, irritated.
“No, you can’t ask him for a favor.” I stopped and looked up, ignoring the momentary look of surprise on her face. “I told you when you moved in. You and Brennan aren’t friends. You’re not going to be buddies. And he’s certainly not going to do any favors for whatever you and Jeremy Blackwell are up to.”
Ipunctuatedmy last words, standing up and moving around to the other side of the workbench. Shenarrowedher eyes at me but Iavertedmy gaze,catchingthe light scent of lilac and metal on her.God, shesmelledgood.
Sheshiftedher weight to the other leg and I could feel her eyes boring into me. The air in the tentfeltwarm and itemanatedfrom her like a brewing hurricane.
“Well,” she clipped, turning to leave. “Someoneneeds to be his friend because the only other house guest he gets to interact with is your little girlfriend andshetreats him like he’s mentally challenged and you, of all people, should have corrected her.”
I opened my mouth to argue, but she held a hand up, silencing me. “And don’t piss on my leg and tell me it’s raining.She’s not my girlfriend.” Her voice mimicked mine, and I felt my breath quicken with my angry heartbeat. I threw daggers at her with my eyes.“I heard her talking at the bar before you got there. Your little redemption project? Ends with you proposing. So, congrats. Sorry if I spoiled the ending for you. But I hope you live happily ever after.”
My skingrewhot. Therehadbeena time in my life when marriage and a familywereallI everwanted. I should be happy. Grateful, even, to hear that someone like Katie could see a life with me. But all Nicolette’s words didwasturn the ugly shade of dread into more anger.
Nicolette spun around and shoved the curtain back, disappearing around it. I had more questions about what she heard Katie say but now was not the time and, truth be told, Nicolette wasn’t the source I should be hearing it from. It was a conversation I needed to have with Katie but Nicolette tossed it out there so callously, it made my frustration boilover.
“Hey!” I stalked after her, catching up just as she reached for the screen door. “I don’t need you spreading fake rumors, okay? I don’t know what youthinkyou heard, but it’s none of your business.”
Shemetme toe-to-toe and I could feel her hot breath on my neck. My stomachclenchedagain. From rage, of course.
“I’lltell you what Iheard.” She took a step toward me, pointer finger outstretched. “Iheardallabout her plan to make you the ultimate redemption story of Godot. You’ll spend a few more months doing community service untilshe’sready to startdatingyou publicly and then by next Christmas,you’regoingtopropose in the town center. Then you’ll build a large house and you’ll move in together and pump out at least four children.” Her mockeryranglouder with each word and shewashard to hear over therushingblood in my ears.“But you’llhaveto get to work onthat,” shegavea lascivious wink, “as soon asyou’reengagedbecause time’s a tickin’.”Shescoffed. “God, itwaspathetic and basic and just so…predictable.No surprises, no nothing. Who, in their right mind,wantsthat life alllaidout for them?”Herdisgustedexpressionevaporatedwhatwasleftof my restraint.
“Me! Okay?Iwanted that, Nicolette,” I said her name derisively, and the skin on her neck started to flush. “I wantedallof it. All I wanted was to play football in college, maybe warm a bench in the NFL for a few years until I saved enough money to buy a massive piece of land for mysweet,homemaker wifeand ourbasic, predictablybeautifullitterof children.”
I was using all the words I knew would piss her off, and I took a step closer to her with every breath. The fury in her eyes blended into something sadder. I continued spewing all the things I had kept bottled up over the last few years.
“I wanted that life, Nicolette! I couldn’twaitto live out my days, fat, happy, andpredictable. I wanted lots of babies and I wanted to coach Little League and host garden parties, okay?Iwanted it. And if that makes mepatheticthen so be it!”
I had to turn around and clench my teeth to keep from screaming. It wasn’t fair. I was being unkind and it shouldn’t have beendirected at Nicolette. These were all things I had kept gurgling inside of me and I wasn’t sure why I was hurling it all at the one person who didn’t tap dance around me. The one person who treated me like an equal.
Irakedmy hands through my hair and my stomach did furious flips. Itooka breath andstalkedinside, halfexpectingthe little pain in the ass to follow me so she could get the last word.
But she didn’t.
And that was almost worse.
The next morning, I got in my truck and drove around, trying to clear my head. I had tossed and turned the rest of the night, replaying my outburst over and over like a skipping record and I still didn’t know what to say when I saw Nicolette. I knew I owed her an apology, but she had been so judgmental, turning her nose up at the idea that someone would want to settle down here and raise a family.
My anger was misplaced. Katie never came out and said it, but somewhere I knew she expected the two of us to end up in a relationship. So I was mad at her for helping me and then holding it over me. For trying to mold me into some little Play-Doh Ken doll, despite the fact that her dream for me had been my own once upon a time.
I was mad at my mother for being the reason I couldn’t have all those things I had wanted. And I was also a little mad at Nicolette, for showing me a hint of a world beyond, dangling new possibilities in front of me that I’d never considered, never knew I could have.
Pushing my conflicting thoughts to the side, I took my time at the scrap yard and then took a long way home, still feeling anxious about how I should apologize to Nicolette.IfI should apologize to her.
