Page 49 of A Deeper Blue
“None of it,” said Azure. “Some of it. The presentation was intentionally dramatic, I think, but no, she wasn’t exaggerating. I’ve been feeling it. A sort of cloud in my vision that never quite comes into focus. We’ve won a lot of battles recently, and I kept thinking those were good signs, but I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that they weren’t enough. I thought I was just being…” She waved her hand, trying to encompass what she was. “I thought I was just being my usual pessimistic self. But hearing her say it….” Azure sighed. “I think everyone who was at the conference is going to talk to their people tonight, and tomorrow I think they’re going to sign up for Albert’s super pack. The Lady of the Lake has spoken, and that’s going to carry a lot of weight.”
“That’s good, though,” said Rafe. “That’s what we want them to do.”
“Yeah, except I think that when they do that, they’re going to ask me what to do next. Your dad clearly has some plans, but I’m pretty sure that the Lady pushed me into speaking so that she could push me into being in charge of this mess.”
“Yes,” said Rafe. “I thought that was… I thought that’s what we were signing up for? Was that not what you thought? I got a sword. You don’t get a magic sword without being expected to use it. You got told to speak.”
Azure chuckled and then groaned. “Yes. I mean, I’m here for it. This is the fight that my family has chosen. But it’s just been us and my coven, and now it’s like seventy people all staring at me, expecting to know what’s going on. Hell, my family doesn’t listen to me half the time. How am I going to convince a super pack to? But the thing is, the Lady is right. It’s not like my second sight is the best there ever was. My gift is small. I see moments. I don’t see the big picture. I’ve had it since I was thirteen, and half the time, I’m still guessing at what the fuck I’m doing.”
Rafe let out a soothing purr of a growl and pulled her to him, spooning against her. She snuggled into him, enjoying his warmth and the tender intimacy of being naked with him.
“Sweetheart,” he murmured into her ear, pulling a few strands out of the way, “what you are isyoung. Since you were thirteen? What is that? Ten years?”
“Seventeen,” corrected Azure.
She felt his chest buck in a nearly silent laugh.
“Oh, yes,somuch longer. You’re still on human time. Give yourself another couple of decades before you decide whether or not you know what you’re doing.”
Azure was silent, considering what he’d said.
“I said I’d share my knowledge. People are counting on me to know what’s going on,” said Azure. “And I’m not sure I’m up to the job.”
“Mm,” he said in an understanding tone.
“I mean, don’t get me wrong. I know what I’m doingmostof the time.”
“Sometimes you wing it, though,” he said, his voice laced with laughter as he nibbled her earlobe.
“Well, I have to trust someone to work with me in order to do that,” she said, happy that he couldn’t see her face. She felt too vulnerable. She wasn’t entirely sure where they stood. They hadn’t had any time to talk about themselves.
He gave a warm sigh, nuzzling into her neck. “Azure, you think too much about the future.”
“If I was pointing the other way, I would whack you,” she said.
“Why do you think I’m saying it from here? Breathe. I know that the future is more present for you, but you don’t control it any more than the rest of us.”
Azure rotated around in his arms until she was face to face with him.
“I’ve done it before. I’ve made changes. It’s hard. But it can happen. And sometimes I see tipping points, and I can push things one way or another—like at the protest.”
“Good,” he said. “But not everything is a tipping point. Sometimes shit just happens, and that is not on you.”
“What happens if I see we’re going to lose?”
“Have you seen that?”
“No.”
“Then why are you worrying about it?”
Azure growled and bit his shoulder.
“For not being a wolf, you are very bitey.”
“I worry about it because I need contingency plans. I can’tthoughts and prayersthis shit.”
“I know you like a plan, but plans can only be formed with facts to base them on. You have to accept that there will be times that you don’t know what to do.”
