Page 86 of Emergency Exit
“Did you think about me and what I would like when you bought them?”
“Yes, of course,” said Ash, looking confused.
“Then I will love them, even if I don’t like them. Last year, Cooper bought me a cutting board.”
“You don’t like cooking,” said Ash, sounding puzzled. “Slimy things get under your fingernails.”
“Cooper thought it would help me learn to like cooking, which is a more suitable hobby than woodworking.”
“Um…” Ash scratched his head. “I really don’t understand the objection to woodworking. Also, that is just so…”
“Sexist and misogynistic? Yes, it is.” Harper had noticed that men often had a hard time labeling other men as sexist, so she said it for him.
“Can I punch Cooper in the face?” asked Ash. “I feel like it would be beneficial for literally everyone he’s ever met.”
Harper giggled. “Well, hopefully, now that we’ve sent him his money, we’ll never see him again. And honestly, that’s all the Christmas present I needed.”
“Yes, you said that, but Christmas is about giving gifts you don’t need.”
“What?”
“Sure, we can all use some gold, but who gives a baby perfume? I don’t think baby Jesus was really slapping on the frankincense and myrrh.” Harper laughed again, realizing where he was going. “So, the established precedent is to give expensive and frivolous gifts.”
“I made you coasters,” said Harper.
“Ah! Don’t ruin the surprise!”
“Well, then, I will just say my gifts are more practical.”
But Ash was already tearing open the box. The epoxy pour on the coasters had been more trouble than she thought it would be. She’d had to borrow Piper’s garage, but she was very pleased with how they’d turned out. Piper had also demanded a set in compensation, which was gratifying.
“Oh, yes!” exclaimed Ash. He held up one of the coasters to the light. The thin sliced burl wood with blue and gold epoxy centers looked like tiny versions of her coffee table. “Those are so cool! Look at the color. I love them! I can’t believe you made these yourself. Wait till I show Forest and Rowan. They’re going to be so impressed. Forest loves this kind of thing. He once went on about the bricks on his patio for twenty solid minutes.”
“You’re going to show them?”
“Yeah?” Ash looked puzzled.
“But they’ll want to know who made them,” said Harper. “I thought you didn’t want to tell them about me.”
“I am an asshole,” Ash blurted out.
“No?”
“I didn’t want them to find out I paid you. Rowan would punch me in the face!”
“Oh. Well, don’t tell him that, then. But… Maybe I didn’t understand properly. But I thought you bought Emma lots of stuff?”
Ash visibly rolled his eyes. “She had a credit card,” he said drily.
“I have several credit cards,” said Harper. “What’s that got to do with anything?”
“A credit card that I paid. And her phone. And her clothes. And whatever else she wanted. Her father was the executor of her trust fund. He only paid quarterly, and he would only pay for living expenses. So, at some point, I think she was turning inreceipts for stuff that I paid for and getting reimbursed from the trust. I tried to pretend like I didn’t know.”
“Wow,” said Harper. “I really should have asked for more money.”
“Yes,” said Ash. “I thought so at the time, but then you panicked that you were asking for anything at all.”
“It’s a lot of money,” protested Harper. “It was a Harry Winston ring!”
