Page 184 of The Grosvenor's Ghost
“Digby.”
“Can we talk?” He swallows, eyes softening.
“Not particularly.”
“Fair enough, but I think we need to.”
“What do you need to say?”
“Happy birthday…?” He frowns, pulling a face.
“You’re wasting my time. I have places to be.”
“Yeah?” He looks shocked. “Where?”
Stick my nose in the air. “Paris.”
He pulls back. “Paris? What for?”
I squint, lick my lips, think for a short second. “A massage.”
“A massage?”
I tilt my head. “Have you turned into a Parrot?”
“Why are you going all the way to Paris for a massage?”
“Because your bed is hard as rocks and now my spinal discs have slid.”
He stares at me, his lips quivering. I glance away, let myself smile for a second before facing back to him.
Digby smiles, clears his throat. “Look, Phoebe, we need to talk, yeah? I’m sorry. I am.” He shrugs like he has nothing left to lose. “I want you to be happy—it’s all I’ve ever wanted—so if being with Arthur will make you happy then you do that.”
I nod. “Thank you. I’m sorry, too. I treated you terribly and I was wrong for that. I know you loved me, Digby.”
He sniffs. “Still do, I think. And from what I’ve seen, that doesn’t seem like an easy thing to get over so sorry for—”
“For being in love with me?”
He nods, hangs his head. “Yeah.”
“Don’t be. We can’t help who we fall in love with, I’m just sorry I didn’t fall in love with you. It’s not fair, is it? But,” I swallow, sigh. “I am happy with Arthur—and unfortunately he’s the only boy I’ve ever loved.”
He looks up at me through his lashes. “You didn’t love me just a bit?”
“Love is such a loaded word. Maybe I did, maybe I didn’t. In my books, I don’t think I did, but in yours I might’ve.”
“Fuck,” he mutters, pushes his hand through his hair. He twists his lips, gives me a grin. “Really enjoyed being with you, though, Phoebe. I can see why Arthur is the way he is with you. It all makes sense now.” He squints, like he’s uncomfortable. “I’m sorry, as well, actually, for taking you away from him. What you two have is unheard of—I don’t know anyone else like you two. You need to hold onto that, Phoebs.”
I nod, staring above his head so I don’t cry. “I enjoyed being with you Digby. I didn’t hate you. I never did. I just didn’t love you. Not like I love him.”
“I get it,” he tells me. “I was selfish when it came to you but it’s over now, ain’t it?”
I pluck up the courage to look him in the eye. “Yeah, it’s all over now.”
He nods his chin at me, opens his arms and I go to him for one last hug. Digby rests his chin on the top of my head. “I loved loving you.”
“I loved you, loving me,” I say against his chest.
