Page 44 of Indecently Employed
Susanna frowned.
Charlotte looked to the window again and shrugged. “Or it’s them. They’re restless.” She tilted her head, her eyes sweeping across the ceiling and back.
Susanna walked to the girl’s side and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Who?”
“Them,” Charlotte said mildly, nodding her head toward the window.
Susanna squinted, but she couldn’t fathom who Charlotte was gesturing to. The landscape outside was empty, save for a handful of cows grazing in the distance. “Mr. Faine and Mrs. Nathan?” The staff were the only ones she could guess at; boththe manager and the housekeeper seemed quite invested in the well-being of the estate.
“No.” Charlotte pointed with a desultory finger toward the window once more, at the center with the stained-glass crest. “The Lamplughs. They have a message for us. I’m sure of it.”
Susanna blanched, then laced her fingers together, allowing herself a moment to collect her thoughts. Mr. Sedley’s voice echoed in her memory:She misses her mother.
A startling thought followed that, warning her against the indiscretion she’d planned for the evening. Susanna silently counted out the days since she’d last bled, and then, when she’d arrived at the reassuring number, she started over again. And then again, one more time. She frowned at the window with its embedded crest. Motherhood.Thatwas certainly not something she’d considered before.
Her gaze slid tentatively to Miss Sedley, who now sat with her head bent over her book, her whole body aside from her arm remaining preternaturally still as she worked. Susanna’s heart ached for the poor darling. She thought of everything the girl had endured, everything she’d lacked throughout her short life—a stable home, and the love and protection of, first, a father, and then, a mother. A fanciful sort of notion came to Susanna, quite unexpectedly.
Perhaps… if only…
No.
She slammed her book shut. She would not allow herself to be distracted by ideas that simply could not be. Susanna cleared her throat and shook the cobwebs from her head. “Why don’t we leave it at that for today, shall we?” she finally responded to Charlotte’s revelation.
They managed to proceed without any further diversions, but a creeping anxiety had settled upon Susanna, one which she could not shake. Wanting to experience the pleasures of herown body was one thing. Allowing herself to build castles in the air was another thing entirely. And now there was Charlotte’s positively occult suggestion that spirits were watching them. Now she had another reason to be glad that she might not be alone for the night.
Chapter Fifteen
Susanna had never givenmuch credence to the idea that specters might coexist among the living; she’d always assumed any eerie tale could be scientifically accounted for by natural occurrences. Open windows, aging and sloping foundations, and mice, birds, or myriad other household pests, to name a few. She only allowed herself to suspend her belief in science and logic while reading a fantastical romantic tale featuring ghosts and spirits.
She and Miss Sedley dined alone in the schoolroom that evening. Mr. Sedley sporadically turned up for meals, though he just as often missed them, so Susanna trusted nothing was amiss and that their assignation still stood. She fixated on the clock in the sitting room, desperate for everyone to retire so she might be with him. Intimately.
Finally, after what might as well have been days, Miss Sedley bade her goodnight. Susanna returned to her room, counting out the minutes as she stared at her reflection in the vanity mirror, wishing very much that she had already received the new fabrics and trimmings she’d ordered from Hull. She’d only just realizedhow dull and unstimulating her undergarments were. Susanna sighed as she unplaited her hair and slowly combed it out. She had never had reason to be concerned with such things, but now she wished for something sweet or scintillating, at least more so than the cheap cotton drawers and chemisettes she’d made do with her whole life. She remembered once seeing the front page of a tawdry gossip rag that made mention of some society lady’s sapphire blue corset with gold thread. At the time she had felt such garments represented an excess of vanity, but now she saw the appeal. How would it feel, she wondered, as she wound her hair loosely about her head in a more relaxed style, to wear such a garment?
She’d never had an artful touch when it came to dressing herself, but as she turned her head to either side to examine this more natural hair arrangement, she felt satisfied. Without the plaits to hold them, several curls had escaped, framing her face handsomely. A glance at the clock informed her that she might now be able to slip through the house unnoticed. She stood and smoothed out her skirts.
After Miss Sedley’s bizarre assertion that afternoon, Susanna found her heart racing as she passed through the great hall. She made a softtsking sound, chiding herself for entertaining such foolishness. But even so, she was without a candle or lamp against the dark, to lessen the chances of being sighted by a maid—thankfully, the moonlight filtering in through the high windows was plentiful—and with every step the linenfold paneling seemed as if it pulsed with movement. Her heart was in her throat by the time she slipped through the archway and climbed the spiral staircase, feeling very much like some misfortunate serf come to make an appeal before the local lord.
In a way, she supposed she was; the thought made her hesitate on the final stair. She gave herself one last quick appraisal, thenknocked on the heavy door. When he called out for her to come in, she entered.
His was seated with his back to her, at the large table in front of the fireplace, dressed in a fine plaid lounging robe and surrounded by papers and books that were spread out and stacked in various arrangements. A cascade of warmth passed over her as she noted the line of his shoulders and back. A shining bronze figurine of a bird of prey sat at one corner of the makeshift desk, flanked by a crystal glass full of amber-colored liquor on one side and an elaborate pen stand on the other.
Although she’d been in his solar once before, she’d done her best to keep her eyes trained on him, so as to avoid ogling anything that spoke to his private life, his ablutions and the rest. Now, as he replaced his pen in its well and shuffled some papers about the table, she allowed herself to drink in the surroundings. Compared to his cramped and overdecorated study back in his London home, this room was sparse, filled primarily with dark, heavy furniture that only further evoked the gravity of meeting the lord of the manor. A tapestry hung on the wall nearest her; it was difficult to grasp the scene from her angle, but it appeared to be of a hunting party. Feeling wild and heedless already, she reached out toward it, brushing the heavy drape with the back of her hand.
The wooden planks of the floor were carpeted with several overlapping rugs, along with the hide of some unfortunate beast spread before one side of the massive oak bed.
“Come in,” he said, sounding a bit preoccupied but with warmth in his deep voice. “Only let me… just one moment,” he added, tapping a stack of papers on their end.
Susanna stepped forward, her heart speeding up. If she went through with this, there would be no returning to the way things had been, although after their meeting that afternoon she wasn’tso sure she hadn’t already crossed that line. She would forever live with the knowledge of him and what he’d done to her body.
She glided, slowly as if in a dream, crossing the room behind him and making her way to the bed. It seemed cruel to tread upon the animal skin rug in her boots, so she stepped gingerly around it, placing a tentative hand on one of the bedposts as she did so, feeling the texture of the intricate carvings, worn smooth over hundreds of years. What had this bed seen over the course of its extensive lifespan? The room smelled safe and homey, without a hint of smoke in the air despite the fire crackling in the massive stone hearth. She leaned her cheek against the bedpost and wondered if this truly was a dream, for how could someone as inconsequential and powerless as a forgotten and overlooked governess find herself, of her own volition, here? Was she really this bold? This brave?
Though he’d moved quietly, she sensed his presence behind her before she felt his hand on her back, sliding up from the small of her waist to her neck.
“Susanna,” he murmured, leaning in to place a gentle kiss on the nape of her neck. “You came.”
She melted, and fell back against him, yielding all to his deft touch and practiced lips. Her thoughts drifted away, allowing her to exist only in this moment as she felt his hands stroking the length of her body, caressing the curve of her waist. The heat of his mouth along her neck, teasing at the collar of her dress.
“Of course I came,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. For everything seemed hushed just now, as they both marked the sanctity of what was about to pass between them. He kissed her behind one ear, causing her to jerk back against him with a moan.
