Page 49 of Indecently Employed
Chapter Seventeen
He didn’t come toher the next night, nor had he intimated in any way that she should visit his solar. However, when she’d returned to her room from lessons that afternoon, ready to wash up for the evening meal, a stack of magazines awaited her on the bed. Accompanying them was an elegantly scrawled note:
Forgive my further intrusion into your precious little leisure time. But know that I am gladly yielding all of mine to thoughts of you.
Her heart had surged upon reading those words, so much so that she ran her fingers over them, as if she might further the feeling through touch.
That evening he’d informed them that they would ride to the coast the next day to search for Cleton, and Miss Sedley’s face had lit up. Susanna had allowed herself the smallest of glances at him—at Ajax, as she was now learning to think of him—and had to bite her cheeks to keep from grinning at the look of surprised happiness gracing his handsome face. The rest of the evening had been pleasant enough, even as they both did their best toremain appropriately cool, lest Charlotte’s hyper-perceptive eye fall upon them.
Still, as she lay tucked beneath her own sheets in a bedroom far too luxurious for a mere governess, reading the fanciful stories his mind had spun, she felt lonely for him, for his body and caresses. For the rumbling of his voice as he praised her body’s very natural response to him. A shiver ran through her, and she wanted to turn her face into the pillow and move her hips against the bed. In the end, with her missalette staring at her from the bedside table, she managed to keep her composure until she fell asleep.
She found herself reflecting more broadly on her new state of affairs as she went about her morning toilette the next day. Her eyes had suddenly been opened to this very real, very thrilling dimension to life, and she was not the least bit sorry for it. But at the same time, she was not sorry that she hadn’t considered it earlier, and dipped her toe into it with any of the nameless handsome young men she’d encountered over the past decade or so. The gratitude she felt at not having succumbed to the Earl of Clifton’s overtures was immeasurable. It made her stomach turn, recalling the violence in his eyes the night she’d escaped Puxley House. No—for all the cold, lonely nights in her life, Susanna was grateful that Ajax Sedley was the one to introduce her to this. For he was a kind and patient lover, gentle and generous even as he regarded himself some irredeemable wastrel. His charm was genuine, and his face so handsome it hurt her chest to think of it just now. Yes, her prudent, pragmatic outlook had served her well in this regard. For he, and he alone, was her lover.
She supposed it was a form of vanity, this pride she felt in the direction her life had taken. A pang of guilt stabbed her as she completed her morning dressing, donning the closest facsimile of a riding habit she could assemble from her meager wardrobe.
Then she shrugged the guilt off, so casually she was shocked by how easy it was. She really ought to be ashamed, she reasoned, feeling for her gold cross as she made her way downstairs. But she wasn’t. She was excellent at her job. She had done everything right, been pious and good, and had gone into service when it became clear a marriage that would keep her in even the simple manner to which a churchman’s daughter was accustomed would not materialize out of the blue. She had already secured her own living; why should she not look after her own needs, her own yearnings, after all this time?
“You’re wearing that?” Charlotte had appeared in the hallway in front of Susanna, her eyes darting from her governess’s gown to her face and back again.
Susanna smiled politely. So the girlhadlearned something of sartorial convention, despite herself. “Let us each mind our own dress, Miss Sedley,” she chided gently.
Charlotte ignored her, her head tilting as she spied something behind Susanna.
“Papa,” she said, then paused, apparently realizing she’d so easily spoken the word without either forethought or insolence. She cleared her throat and quickly returned to regular form, her expression blank. “Miss Abbotts has no habit.”
By now Susanna could hear his familiar stride as he approached from behind her. Her heart thudded, and she felt her cheeks warm. She could not deny it; she was excited to see him. She’d spent most of last night thinking about how it might be to ride alongside him today, and she missed the feel of his body against hers in bed last night before she finally managed to drift off to sleep.
“That she does not,” Ajax said with a sigh, coming up alongside them. She saw that familiar pinch of his brow, the dismay in his eyes. It recalled that night weeks ago when, just before he’d confessed his feelings for her, he realized he’d overlookedCharlotte’s need to learn to ride. He had ordered the girl two brand-new riding habits immediately after that.
Susanna hadn’t expected she might need one as well, but she dared not beg for something so frivolous. When would she, a governess, be expected to ride for pleasure? If only her fabric and notions had arrived, she might’ve been able to fashion something suitable enough.
She smiled. “If you are willing to overlook my attire, I believe we shall still have an agreeable day.”
Charlotte responded with her usual half-shrug, then walked out the front door with all the confidence of youth.
Ajax tugged gently at Susanna’s elbow. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. Again.” Before Susanna could breathe a word in reply, he’d pulled her against him.
“Mr. Sedley, please—the hallway, the servants,” she whispered, her eyes widening when he dipped down to kiss her before she could protest any further.
“There,” he said, pulling back, his blue eyes looking a bit darker today. “I couldn’t bear the thought of being without your affection for the next several hours, not with you so tantalizingly near.”
That glorious warmth spread throughout her body again. For a moment she allowed herself to feel a modicum of self-pity, that they might not be allowed this. But his smile was so genuine, so soft, and his regard so intense that she could not possibly remain in low spirits.
He held out an arm, still wearing a slight smirk, allowing her to leave first. As she passed by she felt him snatch the ribbon on her bonnet, allowing it to slide delicately between his fingers before he followed.
“I’ll buy you the richest, smartest habit to be procured from the finest seamstress in Leeds.” He kept his voice low, with thatdeep, rich timbre that had given her such pleasure two nights ago.
Susanna wanted to look back over her shoulder, but she kept facing forward, her head up.
“No? From London, then. Anywhere. France? What would please you; only say the word and it shall be done.”
She could feel him following not far behind her, but she dared not speak for several strides as the butler held the door for them.
Charlotte was already seated on her mare, a striking beast dappled in gray and white with a shining black mane. Theo, the large groom with a gruff demeanor, stood off to the side, holding a copper-hued horse that whickered as they approached.
“That’s your horse. Mercury. But if you dislike it, I’ll change the name. Whatever you desire. Something Christian, perhaps, or at least less pagan? How about Peter?” Ajax’s own amusement was evident in his tone, and Susanna couldn’t help but smile.
“Mr. Sedley, I am perfectly capable of riding a horse with a fanciful name.”
