Page 84 of Unforeseen Affairs
“Right.” Colin’s cheerfulness interrupted her musings as he appeared at her side. “We’ll be in style tonight; the only tickets left were for the private box.”
Charlotte raised her eyebrows.
“Oh, don’t worry, I’m well aware that we’re wringing wet,” he said in a rush, embarrassed. “But the shops should be open for another hour or so, if you—”
“It’s not that,” she interrupted, turning back to study the banner. “Only I loathe the thought of lining that man’s pockets.”
She could feel his eyes on her, and with them that curl of desire, that tightening against the ache low in her…
She shook off the thought, keeping her breath steady even as her lashes fluttered. Tonight they would be together again, in the same bed.
There were so many things she wished to experience with him. But she would soon have to return to her family. And if they discovered what she’d been about, that Sir Colin Gearing had not left her side for several days, nor for the nights in between…
He would marry her. He’d said as much when they’d taken shelter from the thunderstorm. She knew he would do it even if for no other reason than sheer, overwhelming guilt.
Charlotte did not know how she felt about that. She did not wish to be anyone’s obligation.
But he’d also vowed to do anything for her, had pledged himself to her like a knight of old. Now her entire person warmed at the memory—not quite the taut, anxious heat of anticipation, but something happy and light. Safe and secure.
“Why does he bother you so? One might simply turn away, and forget his existence altogether.”
“That’s true,” she admitted, happy to speak of anything other than their potentially intertwined futures.
“Is your admiration for Mrs. Stone so great that you will stop at nothing to exact this…” She could hear him scratch his night whiskers, he was so close. “This revenge?”
“No.”
So close she’d been this morning. So close to seeing her mother. If only Mrs. Stone would teach her, or would reach out on her behalf, perhaps Charlotte’s mind could finally be put at ease.
“Then what could it be? Please, Charlotte.” His voice dropped. “Allow us to be honest with one another. At least in this,” he pleaded.
“And what about you?”
“What?”
She turned and pinned him with a scathing glare. “Is your esteem for this Abdon so great, your friendship so treasured, that you would forfeit all propriety and place your trust in me?Me, Sir Colin? An actress’s bastard, and a Sedley to boot?”
Even though her voice was steady, Charlotte was taken aback by her own words. When had she ever before breathed a single word of self-doubt? There was truth in what she said, though. People pitied her. People thought her strange. Women would dab at their eyes as they regarded her, whispering of her misfortune behind their handkerchiefs. Men stared, wide-eyed and terrified that they, too, might one day sire some unfortunate hanger-on—if they had not, to their knowledge, already done so—or otherwise made a show of shaking their heads sadly as they tutted.
Such a shame,that.Bloody good actress, too. A Sedley bastard, eh? Would expect there’s more of them—you know their lot. Mad and degenerate, careless in all their affairs. Knew that fool’s behavior would catch up with him in the end, the roué.
Hiding away in attics and odd corners had silenced them all to her ears, for their voices could not reach her in such places. Searching through dusty trunks and bundles of lost correspondence, she’d found companionship with the shameful Sedleys from the past. All of them long dead, silent in their graves. They made for far better company.
Perhaps belatedly, she realized she no longer wanted to have to hide from strangers’ gossip. Unfortunately, her current desirefor Colin, and what it could do to her reputation, was quite at odds with that wish.
Unless you were to marry him, a tiny voice pointed out.
Colin was watching her, his calm, steady eyes trained upon her with a kindness she was not sure she deserved.
“I gave Beaky my word, that’s true,” he finally responded, sounding less like a determined brother in arms and more like a world-weary veteran who’d already seen too much. “But I would trust you implicitly, besides.”
His gaze softened, and his head dipped.
“Idotrust you, you know,” he said quietly. “In all things. In fact, I am here almost entirely for you.”
She frowned. “How do you mean?”
“Before we left London, I spoke with Beaky. He’s used me terribly, I’ve now realized. Our friendship has run its course, and I told him as much. I also told him that, while he might benefit from its outcome, I am continuing with this undertaking not for him and Miss Pearce, but for another young lady altogether.”
