Page 119 of Along Came Amor
For the first time, Ava began to consider what she might be missing by keeping Roman hidden.
Conversation turned to Mikayla’s impending freshman year at Yale, which led to the topic of Dulce’s move to a new apartment.
“It’s not too late to change your mind,” Roman was saying. “You can stay here, either indefinitely or until you find something more suited to your needs.”
“My needs?” Dulce gave him an indulgent smile. “It’s a four-bedroom duplex with natural light in a doorman building. What more could I need?”
“The bedrooms are small. I’m sure we could find something better.”
“We used to live in the projects. Trust me, the apartment isfine.”
“You deserve better than fine,” Roman insisted. “I’m just worried. That’s all.”
“Because I’m such a viejita?” Dulce’s eyes, so like her children’s, twinkled at Roman over the rim of her wine glass. “Is that it? You think I’m too old to live on my own?”
Roman’s lips curved. “I know better than to answer that.”
“Then what are you scared of?”
Roman raised his hands, then let them fall. “I just want to protect you.”
“And you feel like you can’t do that if I’m not here.”
He nodded, and the compassion in Dulce’s gaze made Ava’s heart squeeze.
Dulce reached over and clasped Roman’s hand. “You can’t control everything. When is it going to be enough?”
One corner of his mouth lifted. “Never?”
Ava watched their body language. Roman sat with his forearms resting on the table. Dulce leaned back in her seat, her posture relaxed, sipping from her wine glass. They were looking at each other intently, but neither was angry. No one was yelling or issuing ultimatums. Mikayla had her bare feet on the chair with her phone balanced on her knees as she scrolled through a webcomic. She wasn’t looking at anyone, but neither did she seem anxious.
This, Ava realized, was what healthy communication among family members looked like.
Ava had a flash of memory, from when her parents were still together. Patricia had called the money Miguel spent fixing his old car—which lived in his parents’ front yard—a waste. His offhand response, that Patricia mind her own damn business, had led to a stony silence between the two of them for the rest of the night.
Another flash, from when Ava had lived with her grandparents. Willie had complained that Esperanza cooked the same thing too often, and Esperanza had yelled back that if he didn’t like it, he could eat garbage. Then she’d tossed his dinner, plate and all, into the trashcan.
On the heels of that, another memory, of Ava begging Hector topleaseleave his shoes by the door where they belongedinstead of in the hallway where she could trip on them, and him snapping at her that it would take less time for her to move them than it took to nag him.
Shit. No wonder she was scared of being in a relationship. She hadn’t the faintest idea what a healthy one looked like. What would it be like for two people to discuss their thoughts and emotions in a rational and calm manner? To actually be heard by the other person, instead of dismissed? To have an argument where no one lashed out or got defensive?
Thiswas what she wanted. Instead of holding back with everyone in her life for fear that they’d get angry with her for having feelings, for not being good, for being difficult.
She recalled her argument with Roman in Puerto Rico. He’d listened. Apologized. And corrected the behavior. He told her he always wanted to know what she was thinking and feeling.
Did he really mean that? Would that change as time went on?
You were never that open with Hector, that annoying little voice inside her piped up.
It was true, she realized. They’d been young when they got together, and she’d been trying so hard to be perfect that by the time she felt comfortable enough to speak up, there was no foundation for them to have a healthy disagreement. They just didn’t know how. They’d been two little kids playing house, subject to the whims of their families and lacking the emotional skill set to have a real adult relationship.
Roman knew how to do that. He acted like an adult, which forced Ava to act like one too.
And that was... a little bit scary. But also exciting?
God, Colleen would have a field day with this. Maybe it wasworth it to schedule a session with her, even if it meant paying out of pocket.
Just as Ava was starting to wonder if she should change the subject, Mikayla jumped to her feet.
