Page 134 of Along Came Amor
“Ay mijo.” There was pain in his mother’s voice. “That wasn’t your responsibility. It never has been.”
“Someone had to take care of you.”
“I’m an adult, Roman.” She let out a heavy sigh. “I knew I shouldn’t have let you contribute at such a young age, and I can see now, I never should have let you take care of us after Keith died either.”
“Mami, Iwantedto. I promised him that I’d take care of you and Mickey.”
“And you have, but Roman, it’s too much. I think you used that fear to drive you, and maybe, it’s driven you too far. Moneywill not protect you from pain. It wouldn’t have stopped your father from leaving, and it didn’t stop Keith from dying.”
“Mami—”
“No, please listen to me. You threw as much money at his illness as you could. But you’re not God. He was sick, and he died. You made his last year as comfortable as you could. But you can’t prevent people from experiencing pain or heartache. No one can.”
“I can do everything in my power to try to protect you from it. And Mikayla.”And Ava, he thought. If only she’d let him.
“That’s no way to live your life, just avoiding pain. Life is risk.Loveis risk. And it’s worth it.”
“Do you still believe that?” he asked softly. “After everything that’s happened?”
“Of course I do. Did it hurt when your father left? Absolutely. Was it hard? Yes. But if I’d tried to avoid that pain, I wouldn’t have had you. I wouldn’t have met Keith and had Mikayla. Did it hurt when Keith died? More than you can possibly imagine. It still hurts, every single day, and I hope youneverhave to go through that kind of pain. But I won’t tell you to avoid love to spare you from that. Love is worth the possibility of pain.”
Her words rang in his ears, but he had a point to make. “You can’t tell me that having money doesn’t help.”
“Well, of course it helps!” She let out a chuckle. “Money solves a lot, and I’d rather have it than not. But it doesn’t protect you from suffering. I’ve had a wonderful life. Yes, I’ve experienced heartbreak, but I healed. I don’t want you to have a life without joy. I want you to be happy.”
“Taking care of you and Mickeydoesmake me happy. It’s literally all I want.”
“Don’t you see? This is why I have to move out. You deserve to have your own life, and as long as Mickey and I are here, you’re too focused on working and taking care of us to let yourself live.Reallylive.”
“I don’t want you to go.” His throat felt thick with emotion.
“I understand.” Her voice was kind. “And that means more to me than you’ll ever know. But I have to do it. For you, and for me. It’s time I start living again, too.”
With something almost like defeat, but more like release, he said, “All right. I’ll stop trying to convince you otherwise.”
“I love you so much. And I’m so proud of you. My smart, loving, hardworking boy.”
Roman let out a deep breath. “I love you too.”
She hung up, and Roman slowly returned his phone to his pocket.
And then he just sat there, staring into the distance, facing things he would’ve preferred never to think about.
If he slowed down, he’d have to see what he didn’t want to see.
He’d never wanted to believe that his father had any kind of effect on him. But in this quiet space, he could admit that was foolish. It didn’t matter that he couldn’t remember the guy, or that he’d left when Roman was just a baby. The man’s very absence had been a constant presence in Roman’s life, shaping who he’d become, whether he liked it or not.
He loved his mother and his sister, but he never got to spend time with them in the way he claimed to want. Having them in his home was the compromise he made with himself—hewasn’tthere, but he at least knew where they were, and that they were safe.
But that safety was an illusion. As Dulce had said, he couldn’t protect them from everything.
Even if Ava decided to stop hiding their relationship, what would it matter? His work would always drag him away from her. Ava deserved someone who wouldbe there, like Ashton and Gabe had said. It was the only way Roman could show her how much she meant to him.
Without it, the relationship would fail.
He propped his elbows on his knees, then rested his head in his hands. He wasso fucking tiredof beingbusy.
He tunneled his fingers into his hair, gripping it like a lifeline, as the truth he didn’t want to acknowledge raised its hand, slow and hesitant, afraid of rebuke.
