Page 106 of Along Came Amor
He made a soft noise, muffled by the sound of the rain, that she was sure was a laugh.
“Does it scare you that much?” he asked lightly.
New Ava doesn’t run away from emotional intimacy, she scolded herself, despite the fact that she’d literally done just that. Forcing her body to turn and face him, she looked into his eyes, their brown depths somehow still warm and steady despite the rain pounding his hair flat over his forehead and shrink-wrapping his shirt to his muscles.
“How are you always two steps ahead of me?” she asked. “Ijust came to terms with having a torrid tropical affair with you for the rest of this trip, and here you go bringing love into the equation. What am I supposed to do with that, Roman?”
His lips quivered like he was fighting back a smile, and he put his warm hands on her shoulders. “Don’t do anything with it. I’m only telling you so you have time to get used to the idea.”
“How do you know?” she demanded. They should probably get out of the rain, but she couldn’t bring herself to take a step toward the patio, to the place wherethose wordshad been uttered.
His smile was patient. “Where’s my phone?”
“In the living roo—oh.”
Understanding dawned, and with it, the acknowledgment that he was telling the truth—or at least, what felt true for him. Wasn’t this what she’d just been thinking? His time was valuable, and the fact that he’d taken days away from work to spend with her was the biggest gift he could give someone. She knew he wasn’t just here for the wedding, either. Yes, he was dutifully attending all the meetings, but he’d also planned romantic surprises for her—something she’d reprimanded him for. And even though he’d never said it, she knew it must have been a hardship for him to meet her every time she’d beckoned over the past ten months.
Is that why you do it?that annoying little voice in the back of her mind nagged.To make him prove how much he wants you? You’re the queen of planning. Why not schedule with him in advance?
Because I’m trying not to want him, and our fling is spontaneous?
Wrong!God, why was her inner voice such a sarcastic little bitch? And it wasn’t done with her yet.It’s because deep down, you’ve been waiting for him to tell you no, to prove he’s just like everyone else who refuses to put you first. Well, guess what, sucker? He’s put you first since the moment you met. Now what are you going to do about it?
I don’t know, she thought back.I don’t know what to do about it.
But she did know he’d admitted something big, and even though it terrified her, she couldn’t leave him hanging.
“Roman, I—”
But he’d started to speak at the same time. “I know I’m just a coping mechanism for you—”
“Wait, what?” She grabbed his arms in surprise and forgot whatever she’d been about to say. “No, you’re not.”
His smile was pained. “Ava, you’ve been up front about what this was from the beginning.”
Was this really what he thought? “Roman, you’re not just a coping mechanism for me. Okay, maybe at first there was some element of that, but it hasn’t been that way for a while.”
The night was dark all around them. She could see in the light cast from the patio that his expression was patient, even as water streamed down his face, but his eyes revealed his uncertainty. “What am I then? To you.”
No going back now. She couldn’t let this sweet man think she was only using him to get over Hector. Especially since he’d just said helovedher. Taking a deep breath, she blinked the raindrops out of her eyes and told him the truth.
And it was surprisingly easy.
“Roman, when I’m with you, it’s the only time I can fully be myself. The only time I feel free. You’re not a coping mechanism, you’re...”
Everything I was too scared to want, she thought, but she couldn’t say that.
“You’re my safe space when the stress of being perfectthreatens to break me. You’re my reminder that I’m allowed to want things, just for me, regardless of what anyone else thinks. You show me what it’s like to live boldly, to have fun, to let myself take up space.” She flicked the ends of her sodden curls where they dripped cool rainwater down her shoulders and back. “With you, I can literally get my hair wet. I can’t think of a more fitting metaphor than that.”
He wound a lock of her hair around his index finger. “Explain it to me, profe. What does this metaphor mean?”
“It means I trust you.” She took a step closer, pressing their wet bodies and clammy clothes together. “It means you’re not helping me cope—you’re giving me room toheal.”
Not just from the divorce, she realized. He was helping her heal damage that had been part of her makeup well before Hector had ever entered the picture. But that was too much to face right now, so she filed it away to think about later.
Roman’s expression was heartbreakingly tender as he lifted a hand and stroked her cheek. “Then why are you so adamant about ending this?”
She closed her eyes and leaned into his touch. “I don’t want my family to ruin it.”
