Page 50 of Secrets in the Snow
I’m petrified, yes, but I’m also excited beyond belief.
I can almost hear Mabel laugh and nod her head saying ‘I told you so’ as I drink in my surroundings when we open the door to the suite Aidan has booked for us on the penthouse floor of our hotel in Lower Manhattan. I plonk myself down on the super king-size bed as Ben races straight to the window, then I follow him and we both look out on to the majestic views, doing our best to take all of this in.
‘Thank you, Mabel,’ I whisper to my best friend in the world. ‘Thank you for this experience and for bringing us here, for giving me hope in my life again and for bringing Aidan into our lives. I’ll never forget you for this, ever.’
The sprawling penthouse has views over Hudson Square with its own rooftop meditation space, a gym, a 24-hour attended lobby, and a private garden to the rear. Even though we are in the middle of one of the most non-stop cities in the world, it feels so serene and peaceful in this room, with its classy decor and timeless design.
‘I feel like Julia Roberts inPretty Woman,I swear!’ I say to Aidan when he calls to see we’ve settled in. He’s been in conference calls all day and is only finding a minute now to call, even though it’s almost midnight. ‘I’m totally out of my depth here and don’t know whether to laugh or cry!’
‘And what does Ben think so far?’ he asks me. He sounds so exhausted and his voice is full of heavy apology that he hasn’t been able to see us yet. ‘I know he’s been fascinated by New York for ages so I’m hoping it’s all he expected and more, but this is only the tip of the iceberg.’
I look across at Ben who is parked in front of a huge wide-screen TV playing from a selection of video games provided by the hotel, on his very last ten minutes of doing so before bed and after devouring a late-night snack of burger and fries from room service.
‘He is in his very own version of Disneyland,’ I tell Aidan. ‘But he really needs to get to bed soon. And how are you? You sound exhausted, so please don’t be worrying about not seeing us tonight. We’re both pretty knackered and happy to chill out here for now and get to sleep if you’re still busy.’
As much as I know every detail of how crazy his schedule has been lately, when he agrees we do just that I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach, no matter how late at night it is, or how tired I am now too. My breath shortens and an outbreak of sweat dampens my skin with disappointment.
It’s so late, I remind myself. It’s not a ‘vacation’ for him here. It’s his work and livelihood, and he’s doing this for our future.
‘I’ve this huge industry dinner event tomorrow evening with Bruce and I’ve to make an acceptance speech of sorts, but the words just aren’t coming, so I’m going to be at this for another hour at least,’ he explains as I do my best to understand. ‘No disrespect to my aunt Mabel – I know her intentions were good – but I’d much rather I’d had more time to plan this visit, Ro. It couldn’t have happened at a busier time. I’m so sorry this is happening. I really can’t wait to see you and hold you again. I mean it. I’ll get to you as soon as I can.’
I breathe out, trying to take it all on the chin, and when I think of how we are now only miles away instead of being oceans away, I feel a tingle inside as I think of spending time with Aidan here. Searching for the bright side, I’m also so looking forward to having a look around the city over the weekend and getting a glimpse into Mabel’s early world, seeing for myself how it really is such a polar opposite to what I’ve always known.
I grew up not knowing for many years how long the bedroom I slept in was going to be my own before I had to move on. I lived in an apartment the size of the main bathroom here, where I had to budget for teabags and milk on a weekly basis in a system called ‘sheltered living’ for children coming out of care. And then I spent too manyyears thinking I wasn’t made for any better, only to be told so on a daily basis by a husband who felt it was his duty to keep me exactly there, right where I came from.
And most of all, I never knew that anyone would want to know there was a look of joy on my face more than the joy they might feel themselves. Even though he isn’t here yet, I see Aidan’s mark everywhere in this magnificent suite, beyond the money and ability to buy whatever he wants. He knows I love pyjamas, and so there’s a cosy new set folded in the bathroom just for me. He knows my favourite flowers are yellow roses, and had ordered a display for the table by the window for my arrival, and he knows Ben has a liking for doughnuts, so he had a variety of flavours waiting for him.
As soon as we are unpacked and Ben is asleep, I run a bubble bath and pour some bubbles to match into a champagne glass, put on a playlist that reminds me of the day we spent in Breena and our magical night in Belfast, and as I lie there soaking I notice how the soap and fragrances are all scented with my favourite bergamot. I lie there and wonder when all his kindnesses will sink in, and when I’ll really believe I deserve this.
My hands shake as I lift the glass and taste the bubbles, knowing that if Mabel is watching me now, she’ll be rubbing her hands with glee.
And after my bath as I lie down on heavenly crisp bed linen, watching the white voile that billows on the windowsand falls like grace onto the polished mahogany floor, I close my eyes and I imagine Aidan’s arms around me and his lips on my neck until I drift into a sweet slumber.
This may be the city that never sleeps, but young Ben O’Connor and I are officially exhausted and we can’t wait until tomorrow.
27.
Our sunny Saturday morning in New York is filled with breakfast on the go, a little bit of shopping when I find an absolute corker of a vintage store on Fifth Avenue and pick up a quirky denim dress, and more steps down memory lane planned than we could have bargained for as we endeavour to follow the map of Mabel’s life before she left America for her later years in Ballybray.
Meeting up with Aidan isn’t quite as magical as I’d expected it would be when he turns up at the hotel at eleven thirty, looking as if he hasn’t slept a wink.
‘What’s going on?’ I ask as he puts his arm around my waist and pulls me in close. ‘Did you sleep at all?’
‘Not much,’ he says, stifling a yawn. ‘I’m OK. How are you? And Ben, so good to see you again, buddy! I’ve got something for you.’
Despite his nonchalance and exhaustion, butterflies dance in my tummy at the sight, smell and taste of him, and a surge of lust fills me up so much I could burst. He looks so handsome in a white shirt and jeans I recognizefrom before, but I notice he’s lost a bit of weight now that I see him in the flesh. He’s still to die for, with his dark, wavy hair, full mouth, and perfect smile, and his arms look like they could take on the world, but the stress of being here in such a fast-moving environment again is definitely taking its toll.
‘You can’t photograph New York on anything other than this,’ he says, handing Ben an up-to-date proper Canon camera. ‘Here, have a practice.’
Ben’s jaw drops and I let out a sigh of utter euphoria as Aidan kneels down so that he’s at Ben’s height and adjusts the camera strap around my son’s neck, and then helps him to point and shoot in a few practice runs before we set off to explore New York as Mabel once knew it.
‘OK, so let’s step back in time and do a Mabel Murphy tour, shall we?’
We clap our hands in excitement and I’m nearly sure I can hear Mabel’s laughter in the air as we make our way outside, but just when we’re about to step into John’s car as he waits by the sidewalk, Aidan takes a call that will change our afternoon totally.
‘He’s a tough guy to pin down for a whole afternoon,’ John tells me as we watch Aidan pace up and down outside the car, rubbing his forehead and clenching his fists. I barely recognize him and I don’t like it at all.
He comes to the window of the car and leans inside.
