Page 36 of One More Day
‘It’s only eight days till Christmas but it’s so sunny here, Daddy. It’s so weird.’
‘No snowmen then?’
She giggles and puts her hand over her mouth. Her tiny nails are painted turquoise. She used to love me painting her nails. Sometimes, when I wanted to make her laugh out loud, I’d let her paint mine too.
‘A snowman would melt here, silly,’ she replies with a frown. ‘There’s a grotto at the supermarket but Santa is wearing shorts so he’s not the real one. His beard is light and he’s far too skinny to be Santa.’
I inhale her every word.
‘Have you spotted any elves over that direction?’
She purses her rosebud lips.
‘I’m not sure the elves know I’m living here yet, but Mum says they’ll know by the time Christmas comes. Do you think they will, Daddy?’
‘I’m sure they’ll find you, darling. Santa knows everything, and the elves are always on the ball if a child moves house, so don’t worry about that at all.’
How can I not be part of this? I used to have these conversations daily with my little girl when she’d light up as I told her stories all year round of talking animals, wild adventures of made-up characters and my own childhood memories. But the excitement of Christmas was always the best story fodder of all, and we’d while away hours chatting about the antics of Santa and his elves.
How can so much change in so little time? Her mum and I haven’t been an item for years but we’d a tight family unit in place, meaning that Rebecca always came first. Christmaswas always spent together, so we both could never miss out on the magic of these innocent years.
Girlfriends came into my life, Clodagh met some nice people along the way too, but Christmas was always ours to spend with Rebecca. Until Rob came along and swept them both away for a new life in the sun. Before I could get to know him well or even take in his big plans for my daughter, they were gone.
‘Tell me more. What else have you been up to?’
My heart is thumping with the ticking of the clock. I already don’t want to say goodbye, yet at the same time seeing her is tearing me apart from the inside out. I’ve never known pain like this. Maybe this is heartbreak? Is this how it feels when your heart is broken into pieces?
‘Um … I got a new wetsuit and, er …’
She pauses for thought, her blue eyes looking upwards as she thinks.
‘Any new friends yet?’
She lights up.
‘Yes … well, no. Not really. I did make one new friend but he’s only here on holiday,’ she tells me. ‘But Mum says I’ll make lots of new friends once I start my new school after Christmas.’
‘Of course you will, baby,’ I say, wishing I could reach into the phone and give her a hug.
‘Are you sad, Daddy?’ she asks me. ‘You look a bit sad.’
I bite my lip and then force a smile. Even the sound of her sweet little voice is enough to make me weep.
‘No, I’m not sad at all, sweetheart, I’ve just something in my eye,’ I say quickly.
‘Like an eyelash or something? Remember when that happened to me and it came out by itself like you said it would?’
‘I remember,’ I reply. I remember everything.
‘You need a haircut,’ she giggles. ‘It’s so long.’
I ruffle my hair, pulling it forward, and she laughs out loud.
‘Oi, I think I suit it like this. What do you think?’
‘No!’ she squeals. ‘Get it cut!’
‘I want it to grow as long as yours,’ I joke. ‘How can your hair be so long already?’
