Page 47 of Every Christmas Eve
Yet, when I played at the winter recital in front of more than two thousand people at the Waterfront, including the Lord Mayor, I looked out at the audience still wishing I could see his face in the crowd.
‘Focus on the people who are here, not on those who could be but aren’t,’ Catherine told me at the interval, so Idid my best to focus on John, who was there with my mum and grandmother, clapping me on with enthusiastic pride.
‘He’s an angel!’ Mum exclaimed when we finished our evening with a delicious Chinese meal at my favourite Asian restaurant after the concert. ‘You two seem to have so much in common and I am obsessed with his accent. And his long hair! I like how he makes you laugh, Lou. That’s very important.’
Ben made me laugh more, I thought, cursing myself for allowing such thoughts to enter my mind. Ben made me cry more too, I remembered. Well, the distance and silence between us made me cry, but John was there as a constant companion, always lifting me up when I needed it most.
Soon, we were spending more time together than we were apart, and by Christmas we were well and truly official.
Very official.
We said a tearful if temporary goodbye at Dublin Airport once our studies finished in December, and I made my way home to Bellaghy, wondering if the lure of Ballyheaney House would catch me in its net again as the party season drew closer.
Though as much as I had going on with John in Belfast, nothing could have prepared me for the pain of winter nights back home without having Ben close by to comfort me.
Now that I had John, maybe it was a blessing in disguise.
Yes, here I was, telling Cordelia all about my love story with John as the snow fell down outside, while secretly thinking it had always meant to be with her brother instead.
‘I’m so happy for you, honey,’ she said, but there was a sadness behind her smile. I had no clue how much she knewabout Ben and me. Cordelia and her brother were close, but I wasn’t sure how much they confided in each other when it came to matters of the heart.
Maybe that was a good thing for me. I left her to her kitchen preparations and went into the ballroom to finish setting tables, glad of the peace and quiet to gather my thoughts as ghosts of Christmas past danced around me.
I could see him in every corner. I could hear his laughter. I could feel his hand in mine as we slipped off to find a quiet space alone, year after year.
And just before I finished setting the table, I heard a commotion in the hallway.
I heard Ben’s voice.
I heard raised voices, angry voices. Not the type of sound associated with Christmas Eve at Ballyheaney House.
My heart stopped as I went towards the ballroom door for a closer look. Why the hell was Ben home after all?
And on top of that, why were they arguing so openly in the hallway?
They must have forgotten I was here.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Lou
NOW
Four Days to Christmas Eve
‘You guys are the best! The party is a sell-out!’
Cordelia is home, and it’s like someone has switched on the big light above us when she bounds in to see me on Saturday morning not long after I’ve pulled up the shutters at Buds and Beans. Her bobbed, bleached hair is shaggy and still damp from the shower, despite the frost outside, and her glasses fall down her nose as she speaks. She is a breath of fresh air, just like she always was before.
‘It’s so good to see you!’ I tell her, squeezing her tight then standing back to look at her like a proud big sister. ‘Ben wasn’t expecting you home until Monday!’
‘Ah, what can I say, I had FOMO,’ she says, pulling out a stool by the coffee bar.
‘That’s fear of missing out,’ I explain to Mum, who ispretending she isn’t listening but is all ears as usual. ‘Well, I’m so glad you’re here. I’m sure your family are too.’
Cordelia has been keeping a close eye on ticket sales via the QR code link, as well as chatting daily with the post office staff, and with four days to go to the party it’s a great result.
‘I think my entire organs just did a somersault at the thought of it being just around the corner,’ I tell her as I serve her a coffee. ‘One hundred and fifty people, wow. And we’ve already covered all our costs with sponsorship, so hopefully we’ll raise lots of money on the day to top up our total.’
